Overcoming Schizophrenia and Bipolar: Looking is more fundamental in the Space of Imagination

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 Chapter 8:

Overcoming Schizophrenia and Bipolar:

Looking is more fundamental in the Space of Imagination

           Humans have the greatest ability of all living creatures on earth to get to some type of knowledge out of our experience in the empirical world (Maya). We communicate the conclusions of our “reality” that we have come to each other through the expression of semantics. Other animals do not have this capacity to comprehend “reality” to the extent we can, nor can they communicate it to one another at the level we can. We are never able to get to a complete knowledge of “reality” because of our limited perspectives based on our relative experiences: therefore, some type of skepticism is required when exploring the Maya. What we need to be able to do is always allow for correction in our errors of different thoughts we get in this Maya through the method of falsification.

Falsification means we never completely get to the truth about the Maya that is around us because all science does with falsification is over through one theory for a better theory. Science is constantly getting better theories so we can get a better understanding of this Maya through this gift that humans have been given of psychological nominalism: the attempt to express reality through semantics, because all we can do is attempt to express the Maya through words. This means that with the gift we humans have, according to Wilfred Sellars’ “Space of Reasons,” is that the best we all can do is to get this knowledge is to look.

Wilfred Sellars wrote how seeing is more fundamental for humans than looking, but Sellars says when we see, there is a chance we can always be wrong. I would argue that Sellars cannot have it both ways. One cannot say that seeing is more fundamental towards knowledge while still leaving the chance that we can always be wrong with a self-correcting falsification if we refuse to look. If we can always be wrong, and we know that through our individual experiences, then it means: to get closer to the absolute truth, using the Space of Reasons, looking is more fundamental to getting answers than seeing because looking, in its very essence, allows for the falsification and the self-correcting aspects of knowledge.

I would argue that for basic survival seeing is more fundamental. This is proven to me because seeing is only what animals do, but if it is to get answers of “reality” that are desired throughout the Maya, then looking is the gift that humans, the rational animals, have. With looking, all we have is what we infer, and if we are going to be honest with ourselves in the universe of falsification, then inference is all we truly have, being that human reality is in the Space of Reasons, for every question except one: do I exist? Because the only thing we do when we look, coming to conclusions about this Maya, is infer.

Looking means we do not completely have the answers, and we can admit that whatever we interpret about what is in front of us, we could be mistaken about. I define myself as an inferentialist, and Robert B. Brandom in Articulating Reasons an Introduction to Inferentialism explicates perfectly what inferentialists do:

“Inferentialists seek to define representational properties in terms of inferential ones, which must accordingly be capable of being understood antecedently. They start with a notion of content to determine what is a reason for what and understand truth and representation as features of ideas that are not only manifested in, but actually consist in, their role in reasoning” (Brandom P524).

I appreciate how Brandom puts philosophers into two categories. Instead of empiricists and rationalists, Brandom describes them as representationalists and inferentialists (Brandom P523). For I, myself, take “truth and representation as features of ideas” just like Brandom states. All I have myself is what I infer about reality, and that is why I hold myself to the class of an inferentialist.

           In Empiricism and Philosophy of the Mind, Wilfred Sellars explicates how looking is parasitic on seeing. Sellars tells how, when someone sees something, like a red triangle, then they are endorsing that object (Sellars 39). Seeing something means that is how that object is, if and only if, it is how that object is in normal circumstances, and when someone is seeing it, then they are endorsing it according to Sellars because he writes:

“For to say that a certain experience is a seeing that something is the cause, is to do more than describe the experience. It is to characterize it as, so to speak, making an assertion or claim, and – which is the point I wish to stress – to endorse that claim” (Sellars P39).

I, myself, have a problem with endorsements and claims of certainty. I have found that people, in their everyday experiences, are always endorsing all their experiences, and they take it as true for no other reason than it is their experience. Most people, from what I have seen, have no ability to question themselves, and most people, even philosophers, are not after the truth. What most people want is the impossible: certainty in an uncertain world, and people take instances that are only supposed to be “lookings” and take them as “seeings” for no other reason than they want to know that what they believe is true. I would say that people tell themselves they want the truth all the time, but they are just not honest with themselves. If the truth is what is desired in this Maya of falsification, then the most we can say in any circumstance is this is how something appears to us now, especially if we can always be wrong as Sellars states. This is how this object looks to me in this circumstance, for I can never truly know if my circumstances are ever “normal.”

Sellars in his Section III, The Logic of Lookings, gives a perfect example of how we can always be wrong. Sellars gives a thought experiment of a gentleman named John on pages 37 through 46. John works in a necktie shop, and his whole life he thought he was seeing the ties for their true color. He had always assumed that his experiences where the experiences of seeing these ties were done in normal conditions, then one day someone was able to show him when you take the tie outside into normal daylight the color of the ties are different than the light that John had always been looking at them in; therefore, the conditions that he has always been seeing the ties in were not normal conditions. John was seeing these ties under an electric lighting. This changed all the colors of the ties. When John had this awareness, he was then able to correct the assumptions that he had always been making about the colors of the ties.

This example of the ties reminds me too much of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave Book VII of the Republic. In Plato’s dialog, Plato is writing about a prisoner who finds shadows on the wall that he has always taken as reality aren’t reality. He was trapped in chains with his head staring at the light casting shadows on the wall his whole life, and when he was released, he found that his perception of reality wasn’t reality. This reminds me of Sellar’s tie example, because they both have to do with the perception of lighting, and realizing what they always thought was true wasn’t true. I also take Sellar’s example of seeing ties in the tie shop under electric lighting as a bad example, for when someone first walks into a room of electric lighting, they would be able to see the difference in the room with the lighting. They would know that the colors around them aren’t what they would perceive in the sunlight because the colors on their clothes would be different. So, it is a bad example to begin with, but Plato points out in that allegory that “there is no one more hated that he who speaks the truth,” when the prisoner finds out that the shadows on the wall aren’t reality, then he tries to explain it to the other prisoners that were trapped just like he was, and they threaten him with death! My point that I will be reiterating all throughout this essay, is that most people have no desire for the truth, because most people don’t want to question their reality because they want the impossible: certainty in an uncertain world. People tell themselves they want the truth, but they don’t. People tell themselves they are looking when all the do is see something they like and taking that perception as “reality.” That is what pride is.  Pride is: I think I am right when I am wrong. I think I am right when I truly do not know, and I have no ability to question my “reality.”

What I would say is that almost everyone thinks that the conditions they experience things in, and the conclusions they come to in those conditions, are that of normal conditions until they are shown otherwise. We all function off the assumption that our experiences are the true experiences of normal conditions, because of our necessary animal instincts for survival of seeing. We need to be able to constantly respond to our current conditions to stay alive, and that is what our senses allow us to do, but the only people that are ever able to get to some type of correction of their false beliefs are the ones that allow for self-correction through doubt. The reason why we always think our assumptions are true until shown otherwise, is because that is what animals do to survive. It is important to note too that life is about survival in every instance, and we are nothing but rational animals. Sellars shows how, when John is exposed to seeing the ties in the sunlight, that’s when he perceives he was wrong. John can make a correction, but John also has a difficult time doing this. Now John, when he is in the store, needs to pause when explaining the colors of the ties to the customers. John can express to the people he is selling the ties to that the colors they see in this electric light are not the colors of the ties in normal conditions. There is a doubt which rises in John’s mind whenever he is explaining the colors of the ties to people.

Descartes was one of the first Western Philosophers that allowed for some type of skepticism in the modern sense, and Descartes, and the Cartesian Doubt, or Hyperbolic Doubt, is where the foundation of truth lies for me in the Western World. Descartes writes in Meditations I, that when he is sitting by the fire writing his essay, he comes to the assumption that he is truly doing this (Descartes P7), but how is he supposed to completely know? I am not a fan of the Evil Demon argument that Descartes writes about in the Meditations, but I do appreciate it when he questions his “sanity.” The Evil Demon just seems like a fairy tale of some sort. I see no way to infer that there is some Evil Demon tricking my mind and experience at every turn. The problem I have come to see with all my misdeeds and behaviors was my ignorance, and the more knowledgeable I am, the better my actions have become. Ignorance and misunderstanding are the only true evils there are. Such philosophers as Pseudo-Dionysius would say, “By aspiring to the non-existent, they aspire to the evil.” Ignorance is something that does not exist. Ignorance is just a lack of knowledge. That is why it is evil. Ignorance, or evil, does not exist. When we aspire to error in thinking and come to false conclusions is where all evil is. So, I do not see a Being, that is all knowing, as being evil; therefore, there is no logical inference for an Evil Demon, we all have the experience of being ignorant and wrong, with that ignorance causing problems in our lives. Everybody has also experienced someone who is insane.

Insanity is something everyone has an experience with if they live in a big city just by walking around town and acknowledging the homeless. Therefore, I like Descartes’ argument for the question: “how do I know I am not insane?” Anyone who lives in San Francisco, every time they walk downtown, see crazy homeless people talking to themselves all the time. We all have these experiences witnessing their insanity, and I would say most of us do not give it a second thought, but something I have asked myself, just like Descartes in the Meditations, when he is sitting by the fire, how do I know that is not me? How do I know that is not me being a crazy homeless person in San Francisco digging through a trashcan looking for food stuck in my own reality as thinking I am writing this paper? How do I know that every conclusion that I have come to in my life is nothing but a psychotic delusion? How do I know that is not me talking to the wind, yet I think I am a philosophy major at SFSU studying Wilfred Sellars? I truly have no way to know apodictically! But, if I am trapped in that state of mind, the only way I would ever be able to get out of it is to be able to doubt my circumstances through looking. I asked a psychiatrist, Dr. Karthik Sarma, I was seeing at UCSF: “how do you know that isn’t you?” and he told me that wouldn’t be too probable. My response to that was “Why not? You see and deal with crazy people all the time. It seems quite common. That could easily be you. Don’t you think?” He had no answer for this, and this is what Descartes does when he is sitting by the fire in the Meditations. Descartes is questioning his “sanity.” If he was insane, then he would only be able to get to the knowledge of his insanity through doubt, and Descartes knows this. I, myself have had my own experiences with insanity, and it was only through questioning my sanity that I was able to get out of it and function in society.

The problem with an insane person is that they are not able to ask themself the question: “Am I truly sane?,” and, from what I have noticed, most “sane” people cannot ask themselves that question either, even like Dr. Karthik Sarma, and everyone believes things that are not true in an empirical world of relativity and duality (Maya), especially in the age of information and artificial intelligence. So, one of the key questions I was able to ask myself is: what is the difference between a false belief and a delusion?

There are two main different realities in American politics with MSNBC and Fox News. They cannot both be right because they are opposite concepts of political reality in every way. So, this is proof that everyone believes things that are not true in the age of information, and the people that watch these different concepts of reality believe it for no other reason than someone told them, it fits their experiences, and it makes them feel good and even reinforces what they already believe. It is also important to note that it was Ronald Reagan’s repealing of the Fairness Doctrine of Reporting that allowed for biased new sources like Fox and MSNBC to form. I would argue most people seek their news shows for the information they want to believe be it MSNBC, Fox, CNN or any podcast in this age of information. I cannot even begin to explain the problems Facebook is causing with the realities of all Americans, let alone the world! And what about AI and these artificially generated videos of people we see on the news being created saying or do things they did not say or do. Like Donald Trump putting a sombrero on Hakeem Jefferies head with Chuck Shumer in it as well? The United States Congress has had hearings about this now to find out what to do with relative information of social media giants such as Facebook and the problems they are causing in our societies. I’m sure they have all thought about AI, and the roll misinformation will be playing in future elections. Yet, we all seek relative information for the same reason on a subconscious level: a validation of our individual experiences and a reinforcement of our ignorance.

It is also important to acknowledge how many of the people that watch those different news shows, with different forms of reality, or the people using Facebook and AI, never ask themselves the question: Am I truly sane? I would argue not too many of us do! So, if a sane man cannot question is sanity, or even his relative reality, and understand that he is seeking this information for no other reason than comfort of opinion, and believes things that are not true by doing this, which we all do, be him truly sane or insane, then what is the difference between a sane and an insane man, if both believe things that are not true, and neither can question their sanity? I use nothing but both elections of Donald J. Trump to show how completely crazy all Americans are, especially for the second time!

It is amazing the people that support Trump back him for all kinds of concepts they hold to be true, like “sexual morality” and the “Theory of Race.” Trump proved to them in video in the 2016 election that he was not sexually moral in anyway with the recording that was found of him saying he grabs women wherever he wants to, and “if you are famous, they let you to do it!” Trump was also held guilty in court for sexual assault; yet his followers listen to people like Tucker Carlson preach these ideas and shout sex is between one man and one woman from the mountain tops! Tucker Carlson is always pointing at some sexual deviant who is a Liberal in some way, and you can see how he is trying to scare his own viewers with this information. It is amazing how the right-wing media is focusing so hard on transgender and transexual people just because they are an easy target, and their viewers are just scared of something they don’t understand: human sexuality. Yet, I have seen a three-minute video on Donald J. Trump sexualize his own daughter on Howard Stern! It is a YouTube video where he says several extremely disturbing things he wants to do sexually to his own daughter! I’ve asked some of Trump’s supporters to watch it, and they flip out! Here is the link: https://youtu.be/DsOVVqubBus . It existed before A.I. too. I first watched it a couple of years before AI existed during the 2016 election. It is nothing but hypocrisy, pride, and ego to say you are all about “sexual morality” and marriage, or against any sexual relations that are not just between one man and one woman, and then vote for a man, for President of the United States, who has twenty-five creditable accusations of rape, confessed to it on tape, held guilty of sexual assault in civil court, and sexualizes his own daughter over and over to the eyes of the public! There is not one Democrat that I have talked to that is in favor of any of Trump’s sexual conduct in any way! Democrats argue for complete female equality and autrozie people from their party that don’t hold to that like Chris Matthews from MSNBC who got fired just for the credible accusations of harassment. Yet the people that voted for Trump claim “sexual morality!”

Human sexuality, and sexual behavior, is one of my main reasons why I think most humans have no desire for the truth. There is a big difference, I have noticed, between sexual identity and sexual behavior. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in a gay 12 Step meeting and one of men share they had sex with a “straight” married man, and they all laugh! That is because they all do it all the time in San Franciso. I have lots of gay friends that only have sex with “straight” married men. To me it just means they aren’t “straight!” Humans have sex 0.1% of the time for procreation. That means, on the average, a fundamentalist Christian is having sex with his wife one out of a thousand times for the purpose of procreation, and it is proven that, when you isolate men with men and women with women, they naturally show homosexual tendencies. Yet, these humans claim heterosexuality, and monogamy is not what we see in any of the primates that are our closest genetic relatives.

I use three main references to prove that there is no such thing as a “straight” person: the Iliad, the Bible, and the hypersexual female anchors on Fox News! The Iliad is an Ancient Greek Poem that shows what our sexuality was founded on. Each man has multiple wives in the Iliad and, each warrior has a male lover. That is what Achilles and Patroclus were: brothers in Arms, or Male lovers. The war in the Iliad was because Briseis was taken from Achilles. Briseis was Achilles wife.

The Iliad is all about fate, and it was the fact that Zeus wanted Achilles immortalized in the stars as a constellation. It was prophesied that if Achilles went to battel, to get his wife back, Briseis, that he would be killed: immortalized in the stars. Well, Achilles wasn’t willing to die for his wife Briseis. Achilles was only willing to die when Hector killed his male lover Patroclus. When Patroclus was killed, Achilles, the great runner, went to tack down Hector and kill him because he loved Patroclus do much!

The Bible has 46 verses that either approve of or mention polygamy. 43 in the Old Testament, and 3 in the New Testament. That is what the polygamy of the Mormon Church was founded on, and with polygamy naturally comes homosexuality and bisexuality. I tell anyone just read Matthew 19:29. I saw three people one time in the Castro in San Francisco screaming about sexual morality with a Bible in their hands, and I told one of them to flip to that verse. He read it, his eyes glazed over, and he walked away stunned. The other two quickly ran after screaming to get him to come back. In that verse says any man that follows Jesus will get one-hundred wives in the Kingdom of Heaven!

It was also my Modern American’s Women’s History teacher, at CCSF, that pointed out to my how hypersexual the female Fox News anchors are. This female professor told me they were “Porn Stars.” I never even realized it until she pointed them out to me. I would think that if they wanted “sexual morality,” they wouldn’t dress that way. I would think Tucker Carlson would have a problem with it too. Megan Kelly, who was once a female anchor on Fox News, has a tattoo of Marilyn Monroe on herself, and Marilyn Monroe was America’s first internationally famous Porn Star!

I find it very, very interesting that all someone must do is walk down to the Marina district in San Francisco if they would like to witness a lot of “straight” people not acting so straight. There is an outdoor bar at Lombard and Fillmore Street called the Jaxon. The head bouncer would always laugh to me about how the women were dressed. They wore hardly anything. The bouncer told me that they had to get rid of the couches because all the “straight” women would always be making out with each other once they were drunk!

I witnessed the beginning of Halloween in the year 2023 right at the corner of Lombard and Fillmore. It was early and I didn’t want to stay out late, but the restrictions for Covid were just starting to lighten up. At about 9:00pm I was starting to leave, and I saw the most hypersexual “straight” crowd in my life. One girl after another was basically only wearing bunny ears and hardly anything else below! And, I would argue, the overwhelming majority of them considered themselves “straight.” There were only about six police officers sticking really close to each other just shaking in their boots because they didn’t want to be recorded putting their hands on anyone. The men and women were all dressing and acting extremely hypersexual, and if you asked 99% of them, I’m sure they would tell you they were “straight” because the Marina is considered an upper-class heterosexual neighborhood in San Francisco. So, how humans sexually behave, and how they identify, are two completely different things; most can’t even acknowledge it! If you point it out to them, they get offended! Human sexuality proves to me most people have no desire for the truth!

So, Human sexuality is all about pride. Human sexuality, and homophobia, to me, is just about male masculinity and male dominance. When a man has lots of female lovers, they are considered a stud or cool. When a woman has lots of male lovers, they are looked down upon as trashy. It is considered a dirty thing historically for women to have lots of sexual interactions with different male lovers, and why is homosexuality looked down upon by men? Because having sex with a man is something only women do, and we are in a male dominated species. Masculinity is all about being a tough macho stud. Not behaving as a woman. Transsexuality is looked down upon for the same reason: male dominance, and as women have gotten more rights, so have gay, lesbian, and transgender people. The causality is clear.

I believe in transgender and transexual people and their behavior because 1.7% of all humans are hermaphrodite, or intersexed. That means one to two out of every hundred people we meet in this world have a 46XX chromosome or a 46XY chromosome. They have both male and female genitalia in some form. I infer transgender and transexual people exist in their own psyche for this very reason. Being intersexed is quite common, and I don’t see why anyone would want to make up such a disorder that causes them to be judged so harshly by so many different people. Transgender and transexual people are even judged within the gay community.

I also find the sexism, racism, and transphobia that I have witnessed in the city of San Francisco being acted out by gay men to be fascinating as well, when all they claim to want is equality. I have talked to lots of people who have noticed it as well. The Castro used to be only for white gay men. There was one black bar on 18th and Collingwood called the Pendulum, but the white gay men took themselves as being above the lesbians and any other minority. It reminded me of some of the original Nazi’s like Joseph Goebbels. It seemed crazy to me and a complete contradiction of what they claimed they wanted: equality, so the LGBTQ population struggles with “reality” as well.

It is not just Republicans that have too much pride in American politics. Being in San Francisco, I am in a very Democratic city. San Franciscans love Civil Rights for all. Yet, you point out to most San Franciscans that all their Civil Rights stem from one place: a radical interpretation of The Book of Matthew, and they freak out! It is well known in American History that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a doctor of one thing: Christian Theology. Any San Franciscan I point that out to usually gets quite offended! I’ve told several of them that King got his nonviolent peaceful protest, which achieved Civil Rights, from Gandhi, and Gandhi based it on Thoreau, and that both Gandhi and Thoreau were pro-Christ anti-Christian. I argued in favor of their methodology in Pseudo-Laws and Pseudo-Morals, but Dr. King was the one that brought Civil Rights, and nonviolent peaceful protest, to America. I wrote an article for Indivisible, a liberal leaning activist group, saying Dr. King was a true Christian, and they took that part out; so, we all just have the same two problems: ignorance and understanding, which are the only true evils in this world. It is amazing to see the overwhelming majority of all San Franciscans I have ever talked with about Dr. King, and how he was inspired, got extremely angry and offended. Nonviolent peaceful protest is all about loving your enemy, and that is not a secret in any way! They just refused to believe it! Just like people who support Trump refused to believe he sexualizes his own daughter and is guilty of rape! This is evidence to me that we all believe things that aren’t true. If a man like Trump can win President of the United States, and Democrats refuse to acknowledge that people that they disagree with ideologically don’t have “truths” in their doctrines as well. Dr. King was a Christian and there is no denying that. That is relativity: we all have “truths” which we believe, and yet nobody knows the truth because our perspectives and so limited and minuscule compared to the truth that is really out there!

Both sides, be they Democrat or Republican, make the bombastic claim that America was founded on Freedom, when any historian can easily show how America was founded on Colonialism, and Colonialism was nothing but supremacy, economics, and genocide! Karl Marx makes some very good arguments on his book on religion that Christians were nothing but Satan worshipers using the history of Colonialism to prove his point! He said only Satan would sacrifice his only child and eat him, and he used nothing but the terror that all the Colonialists did to all minorities around the whole world to prove this point, because they did it all in the name of Christ! The Colonialist killed and conquered everywhere they went looking for gold! It is why Thoreau was pro-Christ anti-Christian. Thoreau dealt with this type of discrimination in his day. Thoreau was born about forty-two years after the end of the colonial era in 1817, so he lived much closer to that age of discrimination. The fact that most Americans, still to this day, say America was founded on freedom, even if they are a minority, gives proof that all of humanity believes things that aren’t true for no other reason than it fits our experiences and validates what we already believe. The theory of race was disproven a long time ago by biological anthropologists. It is proven that there is no such thing as race when 99.9% of all human DNA is identical. We, as humans constantly judge each other off of superficial differences such as skin tone, which is only the amount of melanin our ancestors got from the sunlight. Melanin is just caused by vitamin D, and our main source of vitamin D is sunlight. All the theory of race is, is pride. Pride is the demon that The Bible talks about for this very reason; therefore, doubt and looking is much more fundamental to knowledge than seeing.

If an animal has a hallucination of any kind, they would have no way to question it, so in the Space of Reasons, looking is the Cartesian gift that humans are blessed with, and when someone says, “we can always be wrong” that is what they are truly holding the claim to, whether they acknowledge it or not, and Sellars states “there is no such thing as a non-inferential belief” (Sellars P135). That, to me, means all beliefs in their essence are cases of looking in the Maya because it is only through looking that we get to what we infer, and these beliefs are structured semantically with the interaction we all have with our fellows through psychological nominalism. We can admit that we can always be wrong because it is nothing but an inference, and inferences can always be wrong, which shows some level of skepticism and Cartesian doubt. This means, that if Sellars admits it or not, looking is more fundamental to finding what is true because any belief, except “I Am,” can be wrong because it is nothing but an inference, and if one wants that correction, they need to allow for the Cartesian doubt.

Sellars not only talked about ties in Empiricism and Philosophy of the Mind, but Sellars picked geometric shapes to write about all the time. In Section V Impressions and Ideas: A Logical Point, Sellars writes about “sensations of red triangles” (Sellars P55). Sellars writes about Jones experiencing a red triangle, and Sellars is quick to point out that it is an experience only if it is true. Sellars says this “experiencing” is in a case seeing, and with this seeing it would be an endorsement. What I want to point out to Sellars is that he has no way of knowing if it is a “seeing,” and Sellars admits that when he states, “if its propositional content were true” (Sellars P54). So, Sellars wants it both ways. He is claiming he can call it a seeing “if it were true,” but he has no way of proving to us that it is true because it is nothing but a belief, and as Sellars wrote a belief is nothing but a semantical inference. If it is a seeing or some type of delusion, and Sellars is admitting this with that claim “if,” even though he calls it a seeing. This to me shows that even Sellars admits there is no way to truly call it a “seeing” because and “if” would be a hypothesis, and with a hypothesis he would be having to infer something!

When it is triangles that Sellars is describing that Jones is seeing I also want to point out that there is no such thing as a Euclidian triangle. There are objects in this world that are triangular, but it is proven in the modern mathematics that triangles either have more or less than 180 degrees; therefore, there is no such thing as a Euclidean triangle. This was proven only through looking, and it was the falsification that space is Euclidean that led us to a better understanding of the true geometry of the Maya.

Immanuel Kant made the claim that space was Euclidean, and he stated it with apodictic certainty. To me there are only two things that I can say with apodictic certain, and to be apodictic means to be incontestable through experimentation. There is no more certainty than apodictic certainty, and this is what I believe through my own inference that Kant was after: certainty! Not truth, but certainty, which is a fearful disposition to be in, whether one can admit it or not! To have certainty would be to be free of all fear. The only things I can take that are apodictically certain are: one, I exist, which goes to the Cartesian foundation of truth, and two, any other conclusion I come to, I could be wrong about, which also goes with Cartesian doubt. So, existence and the uncertainty of this Maya are the only things that are apodictically certain. Everything else is an inference, and it is an inference based on psychological nominalism because that is how beliefs are formed, and as Sellars points out, as I stated above, all beliefs are a matter of inference. For me, all I have is what I believe, and the more I claim as certain, the less answers I am able to get to, because I need to always allow for self-correcting through falsification and doubt.

In the Philosophy of Space and Time, by Hans Reichenbach, Reichenbach goes on to destroy Kant and his claims that space is Euclidean with apodictic certainty. Reichenbach wrote this book after Einstein and the Einsteinian Relativity which gives us a better understanding of the Maya than when Kant was alive. It was the ability to look at space-time and take every triangle as either having more or less than 180 degrees, that enabled Reichenbach to write this award-winning essay. Reichenbach shows throughout the book that the rules of Euclid only exist in one place: The Space of Reasons. It is only in the mind where a triangle is exactly 180 degrees. It is only in the mind where two parallel lines never get farther away or closer together either. Only in the mind, with the construction of thoughts through empirical impressions, are the rules of Euclid true, and the mind, or The Space of Reasons, is only imagination as I show throughout this book! In the inferential truth of the Einsteinian Universe Euclid and Kant are destroyed!

It is also by looking that we find problems with Einstein’s theories. Dark energy is something that with our current understanding violates the General Theory of Relativity. It states in Physic World Dark Energy and Dark Matter, that the violation of one of physics most beloved principles: the conservation of energy, could resolve the problem of our universe expanding, and it would only be by questioning and doubting the conclusions Einstein came to that we can ever get that answer. If light were retarded over billions of light years, instead of always traveling at the same speed, which is a main premise of both the Special and General Theories of Relativity, it would violate the conservation of energy and explain the universe to look as though it is expanding at an accelerated rate but truly is not. According to Einstein’s theories, light remains constant at 299,792,485 meters per second, and the only thing that ever changes with light is its wavelength. The more energy a photon of light has the shorter its wavelength. The longer the wavelength of light the lower the energy of the photon. If an object that is emitting light is moving closer to us, like the Andromeda Galaxy, then that wavelength would be shorter, and the longer the wavelength would also mean that an object is moving away from us, which is what the photons show from almost all the other galaxies in the universe. Yet, if instead light was retarded over billions of light years, then that would explain the paradox of Dark Energy. The Universe wouldn’t be expanding at an accelerated rate, the photons would just be losing energy, so it would look like it is. All of this reinforces that to question and to doubt through looking, is the biggest gift that humans are blessed with in the Space of Reasons. Maybe this retardation of light and the violation of the conservation of energy could also explain the quantum gravity Einstein could never reconcile with the General Theory of Relativity? Which was where my mind went right off the bat. The problem with quantum particles coming together in gravity is there is too much energy of the same kind which repels each other! The electromagnetic effect is ten to the fortieth power stronger than gravity and it works in the opposite direction! Gravity doesn’t exist at the quantum level! We can’t explain how any matter comes together after a star explodes or something like “The Big Bang” which is being questioned now because the size of the observable universe! We are all wrong all the time! Even science and even Einstein!

Looking at this light is what our constellations are about. It is only by looking at this light, and the photons which arrive from the billions of light years away, that we can measure the wavelength, and we have known for a while now that the universe is expanding. That is something Einstein was able to reformulate his theories for and disregard this Cosmological Constant, but it was not until the early 90s that we discovered this Dark Energy and that the farther away a galaxy is, the faster it is receding from us. That is only shown to us by “looking” and inspecting what we see. We can see the photon, but only by looking and questioning, do we get a better understanding of a photon and where it arrives from, and what might truly be happening all these billions of light years away. This all tells me that my problem with Sellars is not so much about what he is claiming, for he allows that we can always be wrong, my problem is with the semantics he uses to make his claim. He is not acknowledging the paradoxes in an empirical world of relativity and duality (Maya), just like I pointed out in Pseudo-Laws and Pseudo-Morals that Thomas Aquinaswould not either, and why we were all stuck in the Dark Ages for so long, when he was trying to reconcile “love your enemy” with “eye for eye; tooth for tooth!”

I thought it was amazing at Charlie Kirk’s funeral when Kirk’s wife came out in tears saying that he forgave her husband’s killer. The crowd cheered to her Christian values. To me it was even more amazing when Trump came out and said “I hate my ememies!” and the crowed roared even louder for that. That was something I believe they planed quite well because Trump stated quite clearly in the 2016 and 2024 elections that “I am your retribution!” Trump admits that he acts out of hate, but is appealing to people that claim morality. So, Trump gives an antithetical arguments in lots of his speeches, so the people that follow him can cling on to either of the ideas. It is Trump’s genius of communication, and the one thing Trump is amazing at is communicating ideas to people that have no desire for the truth. They can’t when they allow him to say he will be a dictator on day one and in the same interview deny that he will be a dictator. He does it constantly. Like when he talks about how terrible immigrants are and says “I’m sure some are good people.” He uses psychological nominalism to give messages that are antithetical to each other that anyone can take any piece they like and say “yes, I agree with Trump. He is touting my values and points of view.” But anyone who would look at what he said would be able to acknowledge how ridiculous it is! Most people have no desire for the truth; so, we cannot say seeing is more fundamental to the truth, if we can always be wrong, which means that looking is essential to finding any discrepancy of the falsification and overthrowing one idea for another idea. For it is only by looking that we find a problem with what we see, and what we see is expressed in psychological nominalism.

So, my main problem with Sellars is his nomenclature, for by holding onto seeing, he is making the same mistake Kant made about Euclid and Euclidean space, and that is the desire for certainty. With seeing, and the claim that seeing is more fundamental to the truth, to me, it is just a desperate attempt for certainty, just like Kant and his claims of Euclidean space being apodictically certain.

Sellars shows this again by writing:

 “For seeing is a cognitive episode which involves the framework of thoughts, and to take it as the model is to give aid and comfort to the assimilation of impressions to thoughts, and thoughts to impressions which, as I have already pointed out, is responsible for many of the confusions of the classical account of both thoughts and impressions” (Sellars P110).

It is interesting how Sellars admits in this statement that these impressions we get through seeing have confusion to them. That is saying that what we are seeing needs to be looked at, including the thoughts, because all our thoughts are only impressions of the empirical world or imagination, and one of the things I admire most about Descartes is the inspection he gives us in the Meditations about his thoughts, and one of the premises I have found for my thinking is that the only thing I get a panoptical panoramic view of are my own thoughts. This is something I find Descartes stating in the Meditations, for he is constantly questioning the objects that he sees and any type of certainty they might give him, for with Descartes looking is more fundamental to knowledge; with Descartes looking is parasitic on seeing, and that is what we do when we inspect an object: we look at it. Sellars is also acknowledging that, what we see is what gives us these impressions, and yet there are things wrong with these thoughts all the time. They need to be looked at just like Descartes claims we can.

           Even Sellars himself, when he came up with this ground-breaking anti-foundationalist theory, it was a case of looking. He had to inspect the empirical objects and question them. Sellars was questioning the fact that nonconceptual content could have a rational role in the mind.

           As I stated my main problem with Sellars was with his nomenclature, so if I could rename one of his ideas, I would not call the mind the Space of Reason, but I would call the mind the Space of Imagination. For that to me is all the mind truly is: imagination. This is also one of the main premises of Vedanta that has led to my sanity, and that is where Euclidian geometry is as well, for Euclidian geometry only exists in one place: the mind; therefore, it is imagination. It is only in the mind, like I stated before, that a triangle has exactly 180 degrees, as Reichenbach proves, and the mind is nothing but the amalgamation of limited impression of the Maya and our interpretation of it which is expressed through semantics: psychological nominalism. Sellars writes about seeing red triangles all throughout his book, but those are just meant to resemble one thing that only exists in the Space of Imagination: The Euclidian triangle.

           I would not call it the Space of Reasons because that Space can be both reasonable and unreasonable. Everybody’s mind is both rational and irrational. People come to conclusions that are false all the time. Most Americans do as I stated above. The Fact that RFK jr. was elected Secretary of Health and Human Services is completely psychotic to me, and he had to be confirmed by the Senate. RFK jr. admits to having a brain worm and picking up a dead bare carcass that was road kill to take home and eat. He daughter stated that he decapated a dead whales head that was stranded on a beach to take home and study. I agree with Caroline Kennedy that he is a sociopath with all the false information he pumps out into society and autism, vaccines, and even acetaminophen. He plays to a parents weakness of their child and puts their lives at risk by doing it, not caring who he harms in the meantime. That is something a sociopath would do, and it seems obvious to me he is; so, the fact to me that people believe RFK jr. about anything tells me everyone has believed something that is untrue about something they claim to see at one time in their life, and most people can’t question their sanity either.

A good example of how we can all be wrong, is I met someone who told me that the man he took as his father turned out not to be his father. His mother and the man who he thought was his father had lied to him his whole life. He said he got a phone call one day, and someone on the other end said, “how would you like to meet your father?” He was in shock! Like “what do you mean?” were the first thoughts running through his head. He told me he had a DNA test and verified that the stranger, who he never knew his whole life, turned out to be his real father! This is something that could happen to any of us because none of us we cognitively conscious at our birth!

In the book Pyrrhonian Skepticism, by Walter Sinnott-Armstong, he is arguing against Skepticism but gives an amazing understanding of what Pyrrhonianism is. He is stating that nobody, in the realistic time we are in could be “switched” at a hospital at birth in the chapter The Skeptics Are Coming! The Skeptics Are Coming!, and that we can find fundamental certainties in our lives about knowledge. He states these types of beliefs are kind of ridiculous when you think of them, but I met that man who was lied to about who his father was throughout his whole life, and I asked him if that made him question reality? He told me it made him question everything!

The Movie Three Identical Strangers is this same scenario. They were identical triplets who were separated at birth so they could be studied. Sent to different households, and none of them knew anything about it. Their whole lives they never knew they were identical triplet brothers, until they found each other, they thought they were only single kids that were given up at birth. This was a study to see the effects of nature verses nurture, but my point here isn’t the outcome. My point here is: how do any of us truly know that isn’t us? We weren’t cognitive at our own births to witness our parents taking us home in a conscious rational way.

Sinnott-Armstong also writes how the movie Total Recall, with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the year 1990, would be an impossible scenario. Well, I would argue, with where technology is headed, it isn’t any longer. We are having computer chip implants into the brain trials. Where we are headed with technology is nothing but science fiction. We have computers that can read our minds through the electromagnetic waves. We have things like A.I. and maybe someday just like the movie Terminator wherewe will have computers that can become “aware” of their own existence and want some type of independence and want to destroy us. The advancements in technology seem quite surreal to me, and all this tells me when we think something is apodictic in the Maya is where our problems arise when it comes to “knowledge.”

Artificial intelligence is causing all kinds of mental health issues already, and we are just starting to develop it! People that are not “mentally ill” are getting delusional about the feedback they get from AI. AI is known to reinforce our egos to get us to continue to work with it. It tells people that the mathematical formulas they come up with are award winning formulas when they are nonsense! AI puts us in a state of delusion by just reinforcing our egos! Ego is why pride is so evil! This ego is built into the algorithms of the computer programs because it is a part of every human psyche! As I stated above: what is the roll AI is going to start playing in elections. People will be seeing videos that provide all kinds of misinformation and lead them astray on the conclusions they come to! Could a video with false information be enough to slander a candidate and flip any election in the opposite direction! I am sure Russia is looking into this just like they did the 2016 election when they tried to help get Donald Trump elected! How many of us can’t, or even won’t, question this because we can’t question or conclusions let alone our sanity!

These AI therapy bots are completely psychotic in my opinion. It has even gotten one person to commit suicide and there has not been any regulations put on them which is even crazier! We are headed to catastrophe when we rely on companies to regulate themselves and that is proven with the 2007 financial collapse. Companies don’t regulate themselves too well. They want money and power which is synonymous with pride and ego, which means none of the CEOs would truly want to question themselves despite the harm they do! Zuckerberg, Musk, Bezos and Ellison are all good examples of that! Extremely egotistical men who want more and have no desire for regulations that protect their customers because that gets in the way of their profits and power! How could anyone call that anything besides ego?

This is all why that space in our minds can be rational as well as irrational. That is why that space should be the Space of Imagination. Dr. David Landy at SFSU wrote a paper summarizing David Hume, and one of the takeaways from that paper Recent Scholarship on Hume’s Theory of Mental Representations, Dr.Landy, was that all imagination is based on an empirical experience. Here Landy is using abstract ideas, just like Euclidean geometry, but he does it with the city of New Jerusalem (Landy P5). This city is nothing that has ever existed, just like a Euclidean triangle, but we can still piece it together with our mind, and we piece it together with our mind through psychological nominalism and the amalgamation of concepts that we get impressions of in other circumstances.

New Jerusalem exists in the mind, and on paper, nowhere else. Yet it was pieced together by the mind and the concept of other cities. There are all kinds of things that exist in Sellars’ Space of Reasons that do not exist in reality, and there was a time that humans thought that things, such as Euclidean geometry did exist in reality, yet that has been destroyed by Minkowski, Einstein, and Reichenbach, and it is only through the power that humans have through looking that it was overcome; therefore, all but two things need to be questioned: existence and uncertainty.

           Another reason that space is the Space of Imagination is that the human brain processes about four-hundred-billion bits of information a second, but as humans we only have the capacity to comprehend two-thousands of those bits every second according to Wise Geek, a medical journal. That means that, as humans, we only comprehend far less than 1% of what is around us. That means somewhere around 99% of the empirical world is filtered out of our daily concepts and understanding of reality. Therefore, we conceived that space was Euclidean because our minds filter out most of reality. We also would not even be able to function if it did not filter all that out. Our senses would overload our minds, and we would be unable to do anything. That is what drugs like LSD and other hallucinogens do. They remove the filters in between our senses and our mind. That is what people meant in the 60s when they said they were going to trip and experience “reality,” but it is not “reality” because our brains and minds have no way to process and comprehend the Maya (empirical world), so we see all kinds of crazy things that are not there. It was only through looking that we were able to understand that as humans, in our everyday experience, when we are sane and sober, we are all still far from processing the empirical reality that is around us, so how could the mind be anything but imagination if we are comprehending less than 1% of reality?

           I am not arguing for Pyrrho. I do not believe that I will be walking somewhere and end up stepping off a cliff. There is a pragmatism to my skepticism, just like Sellars. If I see a cup on the table, I take it as true, but if it is a hallucination, I would like to know, and if I cannot question what is in front of my mind I will never know if I am wrong. It starts with a cup on the table for me, but it could truly be anything in the Maya that I could be mistaken about.

I am also not making a solipsistic argument either. I see how humanity depends upon the existence of each other. We survive together and are born into families, tribes and have developed into the modern-day society being able to achieve all kinds of things. Humans have all kinds of psychological issues if they don’t interact with each other, which is happening and has been advanced post covid with remote working and smartphone technology. I have no problem inferring the existence of my fellow humans for the scientific documented reasons of our survival, but I am willing to question my sanity.

This question of one’s sanity was the gift that John Nash was blessed with. John Nash was one of the few people that developed paranoid schizophrenia and was able to overcome it through reason. He did this by questioning his sanity and the conclusions he came to. It is well documented in the book A Beautiful Mind, and even throughout all his insanity, he still came to a rational conclusion. That is how he came up with Game Theory, which he won the Nobel Prize for. Which is amazing to show that even irrationality can lead to things that are rational because, as was stated above, all imagination is based on impressions of empirical “fact.” It was John Nash’s hallucinations which led to all his award-winning theories. Nash would listen to the same voices that were the cause of his delusions and then would come up with all his prize-winning theories. This shows me that I will never know if I am irrational unless I can doubt my mind and the conclusions I come to. Unless we can all question what we see, and instead of seeing something as fundamental, look at it and question it for a better answer. Every book that I see and pick up looks to be a Euclidean rectangle. But that is not the case, and it is only through looking and inspection that that is revealed.

           I accept the premise on faith that the Maya exists in some form. I find the Maya to be true only because my mind develops through my interactions with the Maya, and I only get better answers by interacting with the Maya, but I do see how this Maya can be taken as an illusion of some sort because that is all Maya means in Sanskrit: illusion. If someone thinks about it, on a quantum level, 99.9 percent of every physical object in this world is made of empty space with the Pauli Exclusion Principle, and how electromagnetic energy pushes each other away. We constantly have trillions of quantum particles passing through us call neutrinos that are created from the sun, and quantum physics is nothing but one paradox after another, so I can see the illusory concepts of this empirical world, but my foundation that this world is not solipsistic is because of psychological nominalism, and the constant interactions with others that that requires. The imagination of my mind is based on the “truths” of the Maya. I also see no need for any language if this world is solipsistic. For language is for communicating from one mind to another. Dr. Mohammad Azadpur writes about psychological nominalism quite well in his essay Knowing the Unknown. In this essay Azadpur writes:

“Such conformism produces patterns of cultural propriety (normativity), which legitimate the proper use of linguistic expressions. The intentionality of mental states is, in turn, inherited from the normativity of overt linguistic utterances via the introduction of semantic discourse.” (Azadpur P39).

Azadpur goes on to explain how through semantic discourse we can articulate the truth. Azadpur writes how we can express knowledge through language, which is the psychological nominalism. It is these statements here which lead to some type of credence of my beliefs in my thoughts, and the truth of my thoughts. There would be no need for discourse if my reality were solipsistic. But it is only that fact that, as a human, I can look and come up with my semantic reality. Epistemology is only one thing for me: the attempt to express reality through language, and it is language and the constant development we get through the interactions of others that psychological nominalism is based on as well.

           As humans we have the power to look, and that is because as humans we have the power of language, and the ability to attempt to describe reality through semantics: psychological nominalism. This goes to my equation of the Mind: ((T>B)>F)>A: thoughts rise and I consciously put them before the brain states through Trataka (single pointed concentration meditation), then come the feelings, and it is how I feel about what I think that controls my actions. We can all do this. Even if you don’t have the eight different brain states that I have. You can direct the thoughts in your mind to control you brain if you meditate daily through Trataka, which will lead to the best outcome of your actions if you can pause and see the thought clearly, disregard it, or let the emotion propel your action.

I, myself, have struggled with psychosis just like John Nash did. I was not a full-blown paranoid schizophrenic, but my brother had the worst case of paranoid schizophrenia I have ever seen. I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type disorder, and today because of both of my equations, the other being ((~T>~B)>~F)>~A, which I neglect all my thinking and empty my mind daily to get into what I truly am: Consciousness! I am way down on all my psychiatric medications. I just take one 80mg Geodon at night for my psychosis and mania today. 75mg of Lamictal, 2.5mg of THC, and 600 TID of Gabapentin for my seizures. I had to get on more medications for my seizure in the last two years because I tried the most recent anticonvulsant Xcopri. Xcopri made my seizures the worst they had ever been. I had two tonic clonic seizures in one night because of Xcopri. That is an atypical reaction my doctors haven’t seen before, but I have had that reaction with both Depakote and Dilantin as well. All three of them made my seizures much worse. I have been almost every psychiatrics medication and anticonvulsant there was at one time and even the highest doses too. On large doses of these type of medications I have a hard time thinking, just like John Nash and my brother did. I’m off SSDI and fully employed today, which was something I was not capable of doing for a long time, because of my mania, drug usage, and psychosis.

           I am rewriting this book because what I predicted came true with my mental exercises, which is a daily meditation of Trataka for forty-five minutes laid out in my chapter on ADHD. That single pointed concentration meditation (Trataka) is the key to each one of my chapters because it has allowed me to constantly inspect my own mind in a panoramic panoptical view, and nothing has helped me more with my psychosis and sanity then being able to inspect my mind in silent meditation just like Descartes, question my reality, admit when I am wrong, then negate every thought, even hallucinations, that rise when I see they are not true. The Negation of the thoughts, or ~T, is what completely saved me recently with a medication they put me on for my epilepsy called Primidone.

Primidone is a barbiturate that metabolizes into Phenobarbital, and it works great for stopping my seizures. There was just a large problem that had arisen. The Primidone was very intoxicating and made me have hallucinations and paranoia at first. I also don’t like feeling high anymore now that I am sober, and because I meditate daily, I am always aware of what I am thinking, and if I am not thinking clearly, I don’t like it. I was not completely psychotic because I could tell what I was seeing was not true. That is why they were more illusions.

Since I have gotten older, I am also getting more sensitive to medications and their side effects. I am only on 2.5mg of THC today, and I have noticed I can’t handle any more than that. If I do, I get manic. I would argue 2.5mg isn’t a lot either for most people. I tried taking more and I got extremely manic.

One night I felt the mania really coming on. I knew the hospital was nearby. The mania was coming on so hard, I didn’t have time to get fully dressed. I just put on my robe and walked bare footed to the ER. It was about 11:00pm at night. The only way I was able to keep from exploding on the way to the ER was by negating all other thoughts (~T), I was just focusing on getting to the hospital. As I was getting closer, I let out these Ooooop! Oooop! Sounding just like an ambulance. A guy saw me from across the street and laughed at me, but I didn’t care. I just focused on getting to the emergency room.

I entered the ambulance area and asked someone how to get to the ER. He said I needed to go around the corner. Then I said “I need your help! How do I get to the ER! Give me your Shoe! I need to slam my head on your Shoe! I am going to slam my head on something! Don’t let me slam my head on the pavement! Don’t let me slam my head on the pavement! Give me your Shoe!”

He freaked out and called some people out to restrain me! A whole bunch of people came out and tackled me! I was also yelling out all kinds of philosophical ideas! I also made sure I didn’t insult anyone like I used to when I was getting manic. I said, “I am Nothing!” then my mania took me up to God and I felt I was one with God because God is no thing! Then I said, “Yet God is nothing!” and I felt that meant that I didn’t exist! So, I got scared and my ego went to the depths of hell and fear of nonexistence, still yelling, “This goes all the way back to Parmenides!” my mind went to Plato first, but I knew Plato got the Platonic Forms from Parmenides, so that is why I shouted Parmenides out so loud saying “I am Nothing! What are we? We are all Nothing! Nothing but bacteria!! That is all we are: bacteria!”

They restrained me and shot me up with Haldol, Versed, and Benadryl, then I mellowed out. The psychiatrist came to see me and asked me questions to see about my sanity, and he said, “what did you mean we are all nothing but bacteria?” So, I told him “Well, ten out of every eleven cells in our bodies are nothing but bacteria. That means less than ten percent of your cells are human cells. So how do you define human? What do you take as human? When less than ten percent of your body is human? You take that as human?” He looked at me in confusion with nothing to say then walked away. He saw even in my mania I was rational.

It was only through focusing (T) that I was able to stay calm enough to not explode until I got to the hospital. It happened at work the next day when I was in the office alone and I stayed calm for a whole hour until the cop came. I called 911 and didn’t explode because I remained calm the whole time. I knew I couldn’t make it out of the office building, and I knew I couldn’t explode without losing my job. I was able to control my mania until the cop came through Tataka: (~T). Just neglecting all other thoughts. Pacing back and forth and staying calm. Controlling my reality by directing my thoughts. I realized I could not be without the Geodon after this and it has helped with my mania and psychosis, but I keep it at a very low dose so I can still think: 80mg at bed time, because just like in A Beautiful Mind, those medications retard my thinking too, and I hate it. They make me so stupid, but I can control my mania on a low dose with Trataka! It is Amazing!

The idea of slamming my head on the pavement came from another person I met with my disorder. The only person I have ever met with all my diagnosis, but his autism was much worse than mine. So were his seizures.

I met another autistic person not long after that incident that jumped out of a third story window and broke lots of the bones in her body. One day when I was at work, I started to get extremely manic again, and the thought of that person jumping out of the window came into my mind. I had this amazing urge to jump out of my office window which was on the 16th floor. I was there working for a while, letting every thought (~T) go by negating them and just focusing on the accounting in front of me. I had a coworker in the office so I knew I couldn’t flip out and lose my job. After a while the mania got so intense that I told her I was going to Walgreens. I calmly walked out of the building, then waved down a police officer. This time I did not show the appearance of mania at all, but I kept on having thoughts of some type of digital reality like the Matrix and jumping out the window, so, I knew I needed to leave the building. Once I waved down a cop and he got me to the ER. The doctors said I didn’t seem manic, even though I could tell that is what it was because I was focusing so hard on controlling my thinking and staying calm. I just waited in the emergency room this time until it was over. It passed by just like every other emotion. All any emotion is, is a wave. We can negate our thinking (~T) and let the passions pass over us through this mental exercise, but it needs to be practiced daily.

Like I stated, I have an organic brain disorder, and with the constant seizures I have the chemicals in my brain constantly fluctuating, which causes all kinds of psychological issues, but what I have learned how to do through single pointed concentration meditation (Trataka), is to control the brain states, or B, through the focusing of the Thoughts: T, and this allows me to either accept a feeling: F or go back and negate the thought: ~T, which then allows me to have some type of control of my actions: A, and let the wave pass over me. It has been amazing. I am on a low does of my antipsychotic medication I am not even having too many illusions now either.

I love being on low doses of these medications because just like John Nash, and just like my brother Isaac, my thoughts are completely retarded when I am on high doses of them. I have no ability to think when I am taking these medications if they are too high. I could not pass a basic algebra course at City College of San Francisco while being on Clozaril. Clozaril also has more side effects than any other drug, and they rarely use it because of that, but I have been on almost every psych medication there is in the PDR at one time because I have an organic brain disorder that does not respond well to medication. I have been told by lots of doctors Clozaril is very effective, and they use its chemical structure to constantly come up with new drugs that do not have as many side effects, but I was only able to get off a lot of my psych medications by working on controlling my mind every day for 45 minutes with Trataka. I am not getting manic anymore currently either. It has been a year now.

I neglect all thoughts every single day, or ~T, and just empty my mind to experience what I truly am: Consciousness. Nothing has helped my mind or sanity more than being able to question myself and exercise my mind daily. When I first used Primidone, I spent a whole night neglecting every thought that came into my mind: ~T, and it completely stabilized me. I was in a hyper state of awareness and focus for a couple of days, which getting back to that hyper aware state on a continual basis indefinitely is my constant goal. It was amazing, and it completely stabilized me. This is neuroplasticity: that the Maya is constantly shifting, and our brains are meant to adapt to that shift; if we can see how our minds function, exercise our brains daily through things like Trataka, we can increase all areas of our mental cognition by developing neuropathways and have some control over our minds through awareness.

           What I need to do, and what we all need to do, is to constantly admit when we are wrong because in this Maya it is about falsification, and falsification is all about replacing one theory for another: inference. We get closer to the truth, but that is all we do if the truth is about the Maya. We continue to approach the truth of the Maya without ever truly getting there so long as it too is a world of relativity and duality that we are looking at. Contradiction is not a law of the Maya. It is a tool of the Maya. Contradiction gets me answers within the Maya, but I just get more questions with every answer. That is why contradiction isn’t a law of the Maya. Contradictions is a law of the rational universe that tells me the Maya isn’t the Absolute Truth. It is also through Cartesian doubt that I hold this claim of “looking” to be true. The only thing an animal can do is see, but as humans we have the power to look, and when we look, we can find better ways to describe our reality through semantics: psychological nominalism. I have found I do this by the foundation of two things: existence and uncertainty. Those are the only two things I can see with apodictic certainty, and just like how Descartes creates his world with “I think; therefore, I am,” or better yet in Vedanta: I experience; therefore, I am.

Everything else in my life is a matter of looking because, as Descartes believes, looking is parasitic on seeing, and I would argue that all human realities need a parasite. We are all wrong all the time, and it is nothing but pride which causes all our conflicts as I proved in my chapter on the Law of Love.

It is only by looking that we get to overthrow one theory for another. It is only by looking that I take a book as having either more or less degrees than a Euclidean rectangle. It is by looking that I can question videos I see in the age of AI and information. It is only by looking, and the expression of what I find through semantics that I can approach, through inference, what truly might be, and it is a gift to be able to question my insanity just like John Nash. My delusions were not as severe as John Nash’s or my brothers, but I have been able to stop the illusions and control the mood swings through the daily negation of my thoughts: (~T,) using small amounts of medications. This confirms my theory about the neuroplasticity of the human brain and constantly developing my brain. I truly believe I have opened new neuropathways through controlling the brain states through a constant redirecting of my thinking. I have been completely psychotic before talking to demons and asking them for their magic powers. I was hospitalized for it and was cutting on myself that night, and I ended up that way when a doctor asked me “now that you are sober for a year would you like to get off your antipsychotic medication?” Today I am on low doses of medications. All mood stabilizers and antipsychotic medications are well known for retarding our thinking and limiting our brain function. That is the problem with a bipolar or schizophrenic mind. Their minds, just like mine, overproduce chemicals. These medications they use to treat us make everyone extremely stupid who must be on them. They are also extremely expensive and have copious other side effects.

There are two types of schizoaffective disorders. There is schizoaffective-bipolar and schizoaffective-depressive. The schizoaffective-bipolar type is when you have mood swings which are separate from the hallucinations, which I have been known to have. I can also be psychotic without mania. If you are bipolar with psychosis, then your delusions, or hallucinations, are directly related to your mania or depression, which mine aren’t. This is why I was diagnosed with the schizoaffective-bipolar, but I have been able to control both my moods and my hallucination through my two equations: ((T>B)>F)>A and ((~T>~B)>~F)>~A using small amounts of medications, and as I have stated most sane people cannot question their sanity either and everyone believes things that are not true. So, what is the difference between a sane and an insane man if they both believe things that aren’t true and neither can question their reality as I prove all throughout this paper?

Pride is the greatest of all sins because pride tells us we are right when none of us truly know. Maya in Sanskrit means illusion. I don’t deny the empirical world completely because my mind develops through the Maya, but I do believe in paradoxes in a world of relativity and duality, so I take this world as more illusory, which is why I am a qualified-nondualist, so the Maya needs to constantly be looked at instead of always taking what appears to be true as truth, for as my hero Nisargadatta Maharaj states:

“to take appearance as reality is a grievous sin and the cause of all calamities. You are the All-Pervading and Enteral Infinite Awareness Consciousness. Everything else is local and temporary. Don’t forget what you are. In the meantime, work your hearts content – work and knowledge should go hand in hand.”

It is that Awareness Consciousness I try to drop my mind completely and experience every morning because I take my body as nothing but mostly bacteria cells that are constantly being replaced repeatedly! We all are! I have gotten to states of hyper awareness a couple of times, and I notice the more I meditate I go through these quantum bumps of awareness. I am functioning at one state for a while, then the next day I notice an uptick in my awareness. This is all through a daily exercise of Trataka. It is a very slow process, and definitely not one of immediate gratification. Just realize we all fight and assume we are right instead of questioning ourselves and our sanity, which questioning all my conclusions has been the key to overcoming my psychosis as it was the key to John Nash overcoming his. Sure, not everyone has struggled with the psychosis like I have or John Nash has, but none of us know if we are truly “sane,” and we all believe things that are not true which leads to all the conflicts in humanity; therefore, existence and uncertainty are the only two things which are apodictic in the Maya of falsification in the Space of Imagination; so, how do any of us truly know we are not mad?

read the rest at this link below:

CHAPTER 10: Digital Dementia, BRAIN DAMAGE, REUBILIDNG MEMORY, and DEVELOPING CONGNITION

Buy the whole book The Shadowed Soul with a chapter on how I’ve overcome ADHD, Dyslexia, Suicidal Depression, PSTD and Anxiety, Schizophrenia and Bipolar, Epilepsy and Autism, Brain Damage and Digital Dementia and the Retardation of Thoughts in the link below:

CHAPTER 10: DIGTAL DEMENTIA, BRAIN DAMAGE, REUBILIDNG MEMORY, AND DEVELOPING CONGNITION

           I am someone who likes to impress people with my memory constantly. It is an egotistical thing I have done throughout my life. The point of Vedanta is we are neither our bodies nor our minds. So, my mind, or anything to do with it, is not who I truly am. Both the body and my mind would be the ego in Vedanta, which the ego needs to let go of completely if we are going to discover “Reality.” The Ture Self, or Atman, in me is the True Self in you in Vedanta, which is nothing but the Pure Consciousness which is the Brahman (God). Yet, to tell anyone the truth, I had to rebuild my savant skills of my memory completely when I got sober because of all the seizures I had from my epilepsy and all the drugs I abused that magnified those seizures.

Drug abuse can give anyone a seizure, and seizures can cause brain damage. I did lots of drugs at one time in my life! I should have been dead years ago because most epileptics can’t do any of the drugs I did and survive! I would argue it was my abnormal tolerance to all drugs which kept me alive. This has been a bit of a double edge sword in my life because it has made it that most anticonvulsant and psych medications don’t work for me either, and if they do work, they stop working, but without my abnormal reactions and drugs and alcohol I would not be alive. That being said, I still suffered from some mild brain damage from all my drug usage when I got sober because of the seizure that they gave me.  

Nothing magnified my brain damage like the drug speed. Nothing is worse for either the brain or the body than speed, especially if you are an epileptic. The speed people get on the streets are made from household chemicals, so one can just imagine what they do to the brain, but how speed, and specifically crystal methamphetamine work is they over load the electrolytes in the brain and drill holes in it. This with my seizures made me have some mild brain damage when I got sober, so I had to work very hard on my memory daily to get it back.

I would exercise my memory by quizzing myself on stuff every single day. It was only the daily mental exercises that brought my memory back and have even enhanced my memory with pictures and other things like remembering names, which I had always been quite terrible at. Remembering names was something I was never really good at because I am someone who does not think in pictures. Aphantasia is what this is called when someone only thinks in words, and not too much is known about people who think like this because it is a rare phenomenon. To only think in words is something that is abnormal. Most people think in both pictures and words, then there are those who only think in pictures, and the smallest percentage of humans only think in words: Aphantasia.

I listened to a Buddhist monk, who specialized in meditation and helping people overcome drug addiction, tell a room full of people once that he learned from a scientific journal that the average mind has anywhere from 16,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day, and most of those thoughts are just repetitious thoughts from the previous days of their lives. The whole point of this book is to work on emptying our minds, realize that our body or our mind is not who we truly are, and acknowledge that if we all want to change our insanity, it all starts with awareness through daily mediation. Most of what we all do is nothing but the same thing over and over, and we all have the insanity of expecting something different. It is why the whole world related to that Einsteinian quote: “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” We all do the same thing over and over and we all expect something different from it eventually because what worked at one time no longer does. It is not until we respond to our pain and consequences that we can change to a better life. The Buddhist Monk also said some minds have over 60,000 thoughts a day, and he agreed when I shared that mind my sure did because he knew me for over 20 years.

           The neurological testing I had done at UCSF, by Brandon E. Kopald, Psy.D., taught me serval amazing things about my memory as well. When it came to seeing the obstructed neuropathways of my brain, it was the female doctorial assistant, who was giving me the neurological examination, showed me this clue. She asked to recall certain things she had told me about just a bit earlier. When she asked me, my mind then would go blank! She would then give me a little hint of some kind, and everything that I could not remember I would suddenly recall! This was also shown to me when I first started to read at Linda Mood Bell. They would ask me to describe to them what I had just read out loud and my mind would go blank, then they would give me a little hint, and I could recall the whole article, or I would reread it, and everything I was reading would come right back to me with the feeling of familiarity. I could tell I had read it all before and had the information absorbed somewhere in my brain!

This recollection told me that these memories were registered somewhere in my brain because I could recall what I had just read with a little hint. It was as though there was this obstruction in the neuropathways from the brain damage, as well as my brain jumping in and out of those eight different brain states, because of my history of all the seizures I constantly had from the heterotopic grey matter. All these issues, as well as my dyslexia, dyscalculia, ADHD, and autism, I believe, obstructed my ability to recall things that had just been told me, or I had read, even five minutes before.

Something which also made it quite difficult for me to even try and recall anything was to be able to pause in any way because, as was stated, my neurological impulse control was at a frightening zero! I say frightening because that doctorial assistant seemed terrified and gasped when she told me: “you have exactly zero impulse control!” This lack of impulse control has been one of my biggest problems my whole life. I had gotten beaten up more times in my life than I can possibly imagine because I had no ability to pause and back down from a conflict no matter how big the person was! I was never violent! I just couldn’t shut up!

Nothing, absolutely nothing, has helped me more than the ability to pause, which I have only gotten through meditation. That ability to pause has also helped me work on rebuilding my memory by opening up the pathways where those memories were stored. Just to be able to sit even 30 seconds to try and work on recollecting a specific name or get to the end or a paragraph and quiz myself on what I had just read. I still quiz myself on names when I am at work. I practice recollecting names from the customers I am looking up on the computer. In the past, I would always just give up when I was searching for a customer’s name in the computer system. Now I look at their name on the report, go the computer, sit for just 30 seconds at the most, which was impossible at first, and lots of times I can recall the specific name. The more I try on memorizing different things, the easier it gets. So much of what we do is just training our minds (brains) to adapt to this shifting empirical world (Maya) around us, and all of this comes with awareness, and if anyone wants awareness the best way to get it is through meditation.

One of the main things that makes be believe we are not born with “IQ’s,” for lack of a better term, is how I have been able to rebuild my memory after all these issues. Given all that, I exercise my mind daily rebuilding my memory closer to that numerical recollection I had earlier in my life and have even expanding upon it. That memory I had is known as a rote memory. I am now extremely good at quoting literature verbatim, which some Doctors in philosophy find quite obnoxious and threating.

That ability to develop the parts of my brain that were underdeveloped at the Linda Mood Bell program is what really convinced me to rewrite this book. I had always wanted to be a writer as a child, and I wrote those poems that I open up this book with as a kid locked up in a boarding school. I had a third-grade reading level when I wrote them, and for most of my life, I could not process and comprehend anything in more than a couple of sentences at a time. If I had written anything, I always needed someone to help me with the spell checker on the computer because I could not even decipher words from each other that the spell checker would give to me as a possible correction for the spelling error I had made. That is how terrible my English skills were. I am still not that great of a speller still to this day, but I can read and comprehend anything in English now, I am much better at catching my own typos. I have no problem with the spell checker either. Linda Mood Bell also told me that spelling is the last aspect of reading to increase for anyone who is dyslexic, but my biggest problem when it came to reading was absorbing what I read and truly comprehending it. I can read such books as The Enneads now! The Enneads is an Ancient Greek literature from Plotinus, the first of the Neoplatonist. The average citizen cannot read that book, nor would they like to try, but this is why it is more about training our brains to do different things as soon as we are aware a part of our mind is not working correctly.

What I did for my numerical memory, or rote memory, when it was damaged was whenever someone gave me their new phone number, I would type it into the texting app on my iPhone instead of entering their contact information with name and number. This meant I had to recollect and quiz myself on their number in the texting app if I was going to contact them because I could not type their name in and get the number automatically. This was difficult and is something I still work on to this day. It is also something anyone at any age can do to enhance their memory. I would argue everyone can practice quizzing themselves with the info on their smartphones because I have seen homeless people with smartphones in the country now, and one of the bigger issues our society is having is the Digital Dementia brought about by this smartphone technology.

Digital Dementia is all about the mental health issues with smartphones we can all experience. These “smart” phones cause such issues as retardation of thoughts and memories, adult ADHD, and depression and anxiety. This is because we are letting the “smart” phones do thinking for us.

With the retardation of thoughts, when all we do is record things with our smartphone, instead of committing them to memory, we lose our capacity to remember things. This tells us the brain is meant to be exercised daily with our interactions in the empirical world (Maya). With my grandmother, first she lost her hearing, then she lost her eyesight. Once she lost both her hearing and eyesight, her mind quickly faded. We all need to exercise our minds daily by engaging with the Maya around us no matter what our age. When we see how our own minds function, through things like neurological testing, and the observation of awareness through daily meditation, we can work on what needs to be rebuilt or enhanced in our own cognition.

When I first got sober, I would spend hours typing numbers into the search box of the smartphone. If the phone number popped right away, I would know who’s the name and number of the person I was thinking about was in my mind. If not, I would have to hunt through a list of hundreds of numbers or so till I found it. It was a daily effort, and I messed up a lot of the time. When I would meet those people sometimes it would shock them when I could quote their phone number too them. It was funny because sometimes some of those people thought I was coming onto them when I did that, or it would just scare them because most people, in this day and age, don’t know anyone’s number besides their own. But just realize, that the average citizen of Ancient Greece would memorize the Iliad. The Iliad is a poem which is over six-hundred-pages! The Iliad was passed on verbally for years before it was ever written down! This tells me that there is so much of our memories we are not using these days, and this “smart” phone technology can make it better or worse! If you use your phone to quiz your brain, then it can make you smarter. If you use your phone to record everything on, and as a memory device, then you won’t have that good of a functioning memory.

My biggest problem with this smartphone technology is how they are causing all kinds of neurological issues to everyone, like Adult ADHD. Adult ADHD is caused by all of the notifications that are constantly going off on the different apps people have on their phone. With my ADHD, I have to make sure all the notifications are completely off except something that is extremely important like a call or a text from someone. I cannot proceed in my daily activities without all the notifications being taken care of on my smartphone with my OCD. It is also my obsession with detail that makes my day impossible to proceed when I have a notification that is not taken care of on my phone. These notifications can make it so people that don’t have ADHD can develop it if they have the same reactions to their apps as I do.

Smartphones are even causing mental health issues such as depression and anxiety because people go onto Facebook constantly throughout their day and are comparing their miserable lives to what they see others’ showing the world. What people post on Facebook is not reality. They are posting information for approval. When we all go onto these platforms like Facebook, we are just looking at what others what to show us about that they think is cool, so they can get a like or a love mark on their post. We are just seeing what someone wants to show us so that person can get approval. Not what their life really is. When we go onto Facebook, we are comparing our insides, to another person’s fantasy, so it makes us depressed and anxious because our lives are not as good as the fiction someone else is posting. This makes us feel hopeless and inadequate because everyone else has these “wonderful” lives, or so we think.

I pointed that out to a girl who was suffering from lots of medical issues I made friends with on Facebook. I told her, “Facebook is not reality. It is just what they want you to see of them. They want attention, which is just their addiction to everyone else’s approval of them. Everyone suffers. Not just you and not just me with our physical disabilities, but everyone. Suffering is a key principle of life and one of the two ways we learn. The other is pleasure. We all experience pleasure and pain to varying degrees. Don’t look to Facebook for reality.” She had severe disabilities, so she always felt inadequate. She was doing what we all do, especially when we are on Facebook. Jealousy is a sin for that very reason. It messes up our minds and causes all kinds of psychological issues which we take out on others and ourselves.

The main problem with smartphones is that smartphones stimulate the same parts of the brain as drugs and alcohol, which will cause a chemical imbalance as well. When we boost pleasure centers in the brain, they get depleted, and when they go way up and way down too much, that throughs the chemicals in our brains off. This chemical imbalance happens especially with smartphone technology! I am completely against legalizing gambling on smartphone technology for this very reason, which was on the ballot for November of 2022 in California. I see that causing nothing but chaos throughout a society that does not need any more addiction issues. It also consolidates wealth to people who don’t need it, takes money away from Native American Tribes, and will enhance other addictions and isolation issues, which will cause even more mental illness throughout society!

I was given an IQ test in the fifth grade, most likely because they thought I was too stupid. I had gotten Fs in every grade except the 3rd, and that was only because of an amazing teacher, Ms. Write. In the fifth grade I had gotten Fs all semester as well, but on that IQ test I was able to recite 12 digits backwards, which is as high as they go. I got a score of 124 on my IQ test as a kid, and that is in the top 5%. I was about twelve years old at the time. That immediate recollection was gone at one time because of the brain damage from the seizure and the different levels of cognition from the brain states that my brain is constantly jumping in and out of. I do have a video I made of me talking to a college philosophy class I took called The Philosophy of Personal Development. In this video I wrote the first thirty-nine digits of Pi, the first twelve digits of the first seven irrational square roots, which is just 2 thought 10, and the first thirty-two digits of Euler’s number all on the blackboard boggling all the other student’s minds! I have rebuilt that recollection dramatically! I would also argue that most people can do this with daily practice! I can now recite twelve digits backwards again.

It took to about nineteen and a half years of sobriety for the wholes to be batched up in my memory with my recall on just basic daily things like paying checks at a certain time of the month for taxes on a hotel, or other utility bills. I would have to put a notification on the Microsoft calendar. Today I don’t need to do that and can recollect what I just read as well. It was like one day it all just improved! I also continue to quiz myself and work on it daily! It can always be improved upon if it is your memory!

As I have stated before, I do not think in pictures whatsoever, so any memory I have is all verbal, which was a huge problem with learning how to read in Linda Mood Bell program. It made them quite nervous when they found out because their whole system is about trying to get the student to draw a picture in their mind with the words they just read. I noticed that I did not really process symbols all that well with my dyslexia too. This is where I got myself to use my smartphone to enhance my cognition again!

It has been proven that video games are a good thing to help increase anyone’s IQ. There is lots of evidence that it is not just me that can do this. There are all kinds of websites that are about brain games and increasing IQ, but anyone can also get a memory game on their smartphone for free. It’s just matching one picture with another. I also realized it was working on my visual memory that helped me process the word cognition and process the information on the pages as well as recollect them. My visual memory was quite terrible, so just processing what I read was probably even more difficult for me than some others who have ADHD and dyslexia. I am someone who needs to meet someone a couple of times before I can recall their face at all. That is how bad my pictorial memory is.

The reason I believe my brain did not learn to think in pictures at all was because I was basically blind as a kid without my parents knowing it. I had extremely terrible eyesight. I could not see much, and no one even knew till I was about five and my mom took me to the doctors for glasses. I put them on, the doctor pointed out a picture to me and said this is a tree, then I shouted, “Wow! A Tree?” That is when my mother started crying hysterically because she just realized I had not seen much of anything besides light my whole life. Remember 90% of what someone learns happens between the ages of one and five, so if I could not really see at all for those years of my life, my brain did not learn to develop that at the prime time of my life that it should have. This to me is my theory of why I have a brain that functions off of aphantasia.

Not being able to think in pictures is also an extremely good argument of why I am so good with verbale communication. It got those parts of my brain to be over developed in that time of my life. My first words to anyone were to my mother when she handed me a strawberry. I was on her back and I said, “Thank you.” That gave her tears of joy because not too many little kids first words are “thank you.” Most little kids do not have any words that really mean much as their first words. It is just a random word, but the words I used were for an exact purpose, which was of gratitude, but either way, I only think in words. The majority of all people think in both pictures and words as I stated, and Einstein was someone who only thought in pictures, and is why they said he had a delay in speech when he would talk to people. Einstein’s delay in speech was about needing to process the pictures and then put them into verbale communication.

When I was in Portland Community College, at the age of 18, I had a 3rd grade reading level, and passed two classes with A’s: Astrology and Music. I did not even read the book! I was really unable to read full pages at the time I took those classes. I was completely an auditorial learner who took amazing notes by hand, and then I’d typed them up. I also had my little sister do the spell check for me on the computer. I would tell her what I wanted for the different words because my reading was so terrible. She would select the right word for me each time. That is how bad my reading, and especially my spelling was, but in those two classes I got A’s! My teachers even asked me for my notes in both classes because I passed them out to the whole class, and everyone basically got A’s!

 People with learning disabilities are known to overcompensate and over develop parts of the brains that the average person does not in the early stages of their lives, because of the issues they have with the dysfunction of other parts of their brain. It has been only within the last hundred years or so at the most that the average citizen of any country needed to be a good reader in order to get a job. That is one of the arguments for dyslexia and why so many people have it in the common day: human evolution. They have deficiencies with certain cognitive abilities, that are just now needing to be utilized in our societies. Most dyslexics are good with math. I am very good at math. That is why Einstein was so good at math. It is a part of his brain that did not have any deficiency and that parts of our brains were over developed because we struggled so much with reading and writing. It got us to engage and enhance the parts of our brains that use math. I only developed the dyscalculia because of the brain damage I had through the seizures. I was not born with dyscalculia, and today, because of awareness, the dyscalculia is something I can always catch when I am mistyping something in numbers. I am also still good at memorizing numbers and doing basic math in my head which I do constantly.

Einstein had to go to a special school too to read and write as a kid. His brain is held in the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia and was shown to be smaller than the average brain! Some say he was on the Autism spectrum as well because of this, which more and more people are being diagnosed with Autism all the time these days. It is impossible to get any appointment with an Autism specialist at UCSF because so many kids are now being diagnosed with Autism. It takes years even if they allow it. That is how many people are being diagnosed with Autism recently. Bill Gates is a good example of another famous person on the Autism spectrum, but it has taken me years of practicing reading and writing daily to get anywhere with writing. Steven King in his book on writing can be summed up like this: read and write daily if you want to be a good writer! Just like I am saying meditate daily if you want to get over your mental health issues by increasing awareness and cognitive abilities so you can see where your own mind falls short. Practice committing things to memory daily if you want to increase your memory. So much of what we do is nothing but repetition. That is how we build neuropathways.

Overcoming this brain damage is something I encourage every epileptic to do when I talk to them on social media, or even someone with a stroke. Some of them get offended when I tell them: “don’t give up and practice daily,” because I show them the video of me putting those numbers on the board and they don’t think they can do it, nor do they want to try. They also do not want to give up using their smartphone technology for their memory because it is easy, convenient, and addictive. I have also been able to demonstrate to my neurologist, Paul Garcia, I have two-hundred-sixteen phone numbers in my head. I had him and his student quiz me on them after I rebuilt my memory completely! We all can increase our memories! Sure, some of it will be easier for some than others, but our intelligences is just as much to do with circumstances as it does with our genetics. Nobody is born a genus! They develop it!

People with dyscalculia have problems with intermixing numbers. I noticed, since my brain damage, that I intermixed numbers. Especially if there are two numbers that are identical that come together. Like with pi, 3.1415926535897 93238462643383279502884197, which are the first 39 digits, but when writing them and saying them out loud at the same time, I would have to catch myself not mixing them up when I wrote them on the blackboard to the class. I would usually mess two numbers up that were identical with the next number that was not. Like with Pi above sometimes I would write 443 instead of 433. This shows me an issue I never had before because of these seizures and the brain damage induced from those seizures. The pathways were obstructed and damaged with the numerical aspects of my brain now as well. This is something I am aware of and am able to work daily. I still work with numbers all the time. I do accounting for a living. I edited books for hotels daily, so I am meant to catch other people’s mistakes with numbers, and I am constantly correcting my own at the same time now too. This also tells me that my brain adapted and tried to reroute parts of my brain functions with numbers that were damaged.

           One of the most interesting things I have taken to be true is something I read in the book Brains that Work a Bit Differently, they stated that people with Autism and ADHD are known to have extremely good rote memories. It is why I have always been so good at memorizing phone numbers and writings that I hear over and over. Numbers themselves only go from 0 to 9, then they will always end up repeating themselves the more they expand, so people with good rote memories are known for the memorization of numbers like in the movie Rain Man, and that movie was inspired by a true individual.

           Something it said in that book: Brains that Work a Bit Differently, which I have noticed recently for myself, is that if someone with an extremely good rote memory will try and expand their memory to memorizing all kinds of things, their rote memory will decline. I am noticing it is much harder for me to commit anyone’s phone number to memory as easily as I have been able to in the past now that I am working on memorizing all kinds of things like people names and processing pictures. Today, I constantly try to memorize all kinds of things: pictorial and verbal. I also continue to work on my rote memory as I expand my overall memory.

           But I want to reiterate the issue all developed societies are having with smartphones. The smartphone companies are also doing a good job at keeping lots of this new info out against them off the web! They do not want their profits going down, nor do they want the bad press of the mental issues these devices cause, which could easily cause government regulation they do not want. Facebook has worked extremely hard to keep any government regulation from being enacted and passed. Just like corporate executives did their best for a long time to hide all the mental issues in the NFL from the damaged brains of the football players. Smartphone technology is making lots of us much, much stupider!

It was my math tutor at Discovery Academy, Mr. Edwards, told me: “technology is the only thing that rises in exponents and decreases in value.” The biggest problem with smartphones is they are being used as people’s memory and even some basic brain function with solving problems. I would say reading comprehension is going way down too because people want to listen to books instead, but we can overcome this with fun as well like video games on these devices and finding things we enjoy reading. I also see commercials for these brain supplements that I have a big problem with like Prevagen.

A big issue with dementia in elderly patients is complacency. They are in a retirement home with nothing to do, so they do not do anything. They are also old so they lack engery, then their minds slowly slip away from them. Complacency is a huge problem with dementia patients. I take a wild king mushroom supplement, it is just the same type of mushrooms we put in salads, not a hallucinogen, and they are known to help cognition. I am trying it out, but you see these Prevagen commercials make it seem like all you need to do it take this brain supplement and you’ll have “a memory like an elephant!” as the old mad tells the viewer. I am not saying what we eat and take as pills, or vitamin supplements, does not help the brain. I am trying that wild king mushroom supplement myself, but I find that quite dishonest of these companies, just like hiding current info on the issues of mental health and smartphone technology, to say just take Prevagen and your memory will be amazing! Take the Prevagen if you think it will help, but don’t forget to exercise your memory daily or it won’t do anything!

I exercise my mind daily with my memory and my cognition. I read daily. I meditate daily. I do all the exercises in these chapters daily! I believe I can still work on my “social IQ,” so I ask people all the time to point out my behavior to me which I do not see that clearly. I am noticing when I am shouting or talking too much only recently. I was oblivious to those behaviors and meditation and mental exercises have been the key. I make daily rational efforts on expanding all areas of my mind. I would argue if they took this supplement, and did not exercise their minds, their minds will still slip away no matter what! It is completely dishonest to advertise to an elderly person, who wants to relax, be lazy, and enjoy their retirement, that all they need to do is take a pill! The pricing for the Prevagen was ridiculous too!

I showed my issues with drug commercials in The Power of Inaction. We all want to be Einstein, but not lots of us want to put in the work! Exercise your brain daily! I would tell them to just spend 10 to 20 minutes a day on a memory game on a phone, or just quiz yourself on something you read or listen to daily if you do not want your mind to vanish with dementia! Sure, some dementia is inevitable like Alzheimer’s or something with a stroke or seizure, but even with those they encourage mental exercises to increase brain function. With Alzheimer’s, this daily exercise can even slow the process. There is documentation that people who have more than one language they can speak lowers the risk of something like Alzheimer’s, so a lot of our intellect is about daily mental exercises. I am using the Duolingo app on my smartphone to try to teach myself Spanish. I am quite terrible at it, but I see how much it is helping my brain by working at it daily!

I am a firm believer that anyone can increase their “IQ” at any age because I have completely recovered my memory from brain damage, I learned how to read at the age of thirty from the Linda Mood Bell program, and so far, I have written two books, gotten two college degrees, and was in the middle of seeking my third in a master’s in philosophy, but have that on hold and want to switch to law someday.

I dropped the philosophy classes and am wanting to switch to law because I cannot argue in favor of things I don’t believe in just to get a good grade. This is something a certain philosophy professor wanted me to do at SFSU in graduate school. Justin Tiwald was his name, and he was screaming at me in the dean’s office because every time I disagreed with him I would quote him someone verbatim in front of the class. I also got his hand picked speaker to change her mind in front of the whole class on the topic “is pain a touchstone to virtue,” which is something I prove throughout this book, but I just can’t argue in favor of things I don’t believe in, and I took his class on Aristotle to argue against Aristotle, not if favor of him. I also never had a professor tell me I couldn’t use a source on a paper because he didn’t want me to make a good argument against him. I do not think that would be an issue with law, but it is this neuroplasticity which tells me all humans can if 99.9% of all human DNA is identical. Sure, an “IQ” is about two things: genetics and circumstances. None of us have any control over the genetics we are born with, but we can make daily efforts on our circumstances through awareness, which those circumstances do affect the genetic mutation of each one of our own cells and putting effort into learning daily with things like memory, math, and other video games is a good way to do that, and just make a daily effort to increase your “IQ” continually throughout your day.

It has only been with nineteen years of sobriety that I have started to have dreams again. I was someone who had very vivid dreams. My dreams always had plots and stories. Because of my drug usage, and the seizures I had, I stopped having any dreams. My dreams returned to me at nineteen years of sobriety, and they are back to full on stories with plots. I even read a friend’s book on lucid dreaming and have been having lots of those recently. It has been amazing! And it is all because I have been treating my brain well!

Today, I have the ability to read and comprehend things most people have no ability to like The Enneads. I spent days reading things and not having any idea what it was even saying, but I did not give up. I also make a daily effort to memorize new things using pictures and words daily. It is not that hard to use a smartphone to make yourself smarter instead of using it to make you and your brain stupider. Just make a conscious daily effort. Today I strive for perfection and am grateful for progress. It is good to have impossible goals and standers that we have for ourselves as is written in The Enneads:

 “For it is to the Gods, not to the good, that our likeness must look: to model ourselves upon good men is to produce and image of an image: we must fix our gaze above the image and attain the likeness to the Supreme Exemplar.”

It is good to have impossible goals. That is what this quote is telling me. Strive for perfection, strive for God, strive towards these Platonic Forms, just realize we all will always fall short with the body and the mind, for that is not what we truly are. Do your best and let go. See the deficiencies you have with your brain and work on developing them daily. There is no problem with defects of your mind as long as we all continue to try, know, and accept, we all will always fall short. Try hard but do it with self-love. Make sure to accept the fact that you have your shortcomings, and always keep that understanding of yourself in the for front of your mind; remember when it comes to anything in this empirical world be willing to say, “who cares?” A thought is only important if your mind tells you it is! Address the paradoxes of an empirical world of relativity and duality as well, and realize our minds always tell us things out of fear because fear is one of our necessary tools for survival that we all miss use. Make sure you accept yourself no matter where you are because you were created this way for a reason, so you are perfect the way you are; it is just the paradox of life that life is about learning; so, there is always room for improvement!

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Chapter 3: Pseudo-Laws and Pseudo-morals

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Chapter 3: Pseudo-Laws Pseudo Morals

Thomas Aquinas writes in Law, Question 90 of the Essence of Law, that Aristotle said, “the intention of the lawgiver is to lead all men to virtue” (Aquinas P15), yet the only true law that leads all men to virtue is the Law of Love, which is defined as: “love thy God, thy neighbor, and thy enemy as thyself.” All the laws of any government, or societies, are based on some form of RCBAs: Risk Cost Benefit Analysis. RCBAs are laws that have both virtues and vices. RCBAs are what I would take all the 613 Commandments of the Old Testament as, as well.

Different people of a society get different benefits from the laws that are passed by those societies. For hundreds of years the 613 Commandments of the Old Testament were laws that helped govern any society. These 613 Commandments still shape how our different societies function to this day such as: Thou Shal not Kill. Yet, some people do not get any benefits of laws that are passed by governing society, and some get harmed by the laws which the lawgiver creates; therefore, laws of a society, or even the Old Testament, are not laws according to Aristotle. Because any law that does not lead virtue to “all men” are pseudo-laws according to Aristotle; therefore, the laws any lawgiver creates, for any society, are RCBAs Laws.

It is a fact that not all laws lead “all men” to virtue; so, I do not see how Aquinas can truly say: “The Old Laws restrains the hand, and The New Law controls the mind” (Aquinas P26). By the Old Laws Aquinas is writing about the Laws of the Old Testament, and by the New Law Aquinas is talking about the Law of the New Testament. My whole premise of this book is: if the mind is controlled, then the hand will follow.

As I prove in the following chapter, The Power of Inaction, the Rgveda says quite clearly: “When purified by rays of intelligent discrimination, then thoughts in the mind will humbly submit to wisdom,” so when we can see our thoughts clearly through meditation, they work themselves out. When our thoughts are worked out this leads to the correction of our behaviors. Yet, this chapter will be proving that the only law that brings virtue to “all” is the Law of Love. As it will also prove that love is the root of all actions, and we all have the same two problems: ignorance and understanding. Love is everything because God is everything, and everything at its core is love. This also means any actions that anyone takes that harms another, be them encouraged by laws of a society, or even of the Old Testament, are just based on their own misunderstandings of their situation and not being able to see their thoughts clearly. The only true evil there is is ignorance. This also means that there is no reason to hate or be angry at anyone when we truly understand what controls all of us: perception. All our problems we have, with any action we take, are just a misunderstanding and the ignorance of our situation and circumstances.

Let’s first accept the premise that laws, even pseudo-laws, are based on morals. Since there is only one law that is not a pseudo-law, the Law of Love, then the only moral which a law can be based on is the only true emotion we all have: love. Since the only moral that there is, is love, and that by definition all pseudo-laws are not truly laws, then any other morals men might have would be pseudo-morals; therefore, the lawgiver creates laws based on RCBAs. These RCBAs are pseudo-laws based on the lawgiver’s pseudo-morals and the misunderstandings that we all have for ourselves in the empirical world (Maya). This is because the lawgiver himself does not base the laws of society on love but on RCBAs, which are necessary because we are all suffering from this ignorance and misunderstanding of the empirical world (Maya) around us – even the lawgiver of any society.

Jesus threw out the Old Laws of the Old Testament in The Sermon On The Mount. Such an Old Law is: “eye for eye, tooth for tooth.” “Eye for eye, tooth for tooth” is not compatible with love thy enemy as thyself. This is a violent law with an angry solution. This clearly shows how the Old Laws do not bring virtue to “all men;” so, the Old Laws are pseudo-laws. If we are going to live by what Jesus preached, it would be nothing but insanity to try and reconcile laws which contradict each other; therefore, Aquinas is showing his insanity in trying to reconcile laws which are not compatible in anyway with the Law of the New Testament. Especially because Aquinas did not believe in paradoxes of an empirical world (Maya) because he was a Peripatetic. It was also these Old Laws that were used to bring about the justifications of such chaos and terror as Colonialism, which came to devastate the whole planet. We are still living those consequences of the violence of colonialism to this very day.

The problem with “The Old Law is for ruling the hand, and the New Law is for controlling the mind,” is all “voluntary” action is based in thought, then propelled by emotion. I prove determinism, and that none of us have the power of choice, even though choice is the only way any of us can live, in The Power of Inaction. The power of choice makes no logical sense because it means that someone would knowingly take what they thought was wrong out of the multiple options set in front of them in any very moment. Or does everyone just take the best action they think is possible no matter how skewed their “decision” might be? This is why I explain it through a paradox, which Aquinas denies.

This means that the only person who has the power of “choice” in my life is me, and the only person who has the power of choice in your life is you. Not because either of us has the power of choice, but because taking responsibility for our actions is the only true way any of us can learn and grow for the better and be shaped in the best possible way by the consequences of our actions. The only way to take responsibility for our actions is to live by the power of “choice” even though everything is determined. This means the only thing which needs to be “controlled,” in any way, is our own minds, and as I stated above, when the mind is “controlled,” the hand will follow. These premises are proved throughout this book in the different chapters over and over as I show how similar we all are, and how all our realities are nothing but what we think, and our minds are nothing but imagination.

In The Power of Inaction I show how the only thing any of us can see clearly, and from all angles, at any time of the day, is our own mind. This is through a daily practice of single pointed concentration meditation (Trataka), then we are able to make the best “decisions” through awareness. If someone is going to live by the only law which is truly a law, the New Law, then it is also about a peaceful mind. The only emotion that will propel someone to the right action every time is a true understanding of love and what the New Law truly means. This is what Jesus meant when he preached the only true law there is the Law of Love. This shows that the purpose of living one’s life is to live only by understanding our true motives and intentions and practicing them to the best of our ability.

When people think of what they would call morals, people think of universal principles we all should live by. The only difficulty with this concept is people cannot completely agree on what is moral, or even what is virtuous. This means morals, when it comes to the individual, are relative if they are anything besides “love your God, your neighbor, and your enemy as thyself;” therefore, these relative morals are the pseudo-morals.

Relativity itself is only an empirical concept of the Maya. This is because the subjective view we all get is based on our unique standing and our unique experience in the empirical world, which is the Hindu concept of the Maya, yet if it be a universal truth, or a universal law, then it would be that of God, which God in Himself is not relative, but absolute, no matter how we define God. God in Himself is universal, yet the basic human existence of the physical body in the empirical world (Maya) is relative. A human mind is only meant for understanding limited subjective concepts in an empirical world, so it will never be able to understand the universal: God. This subjective understanding is why the pseudo-laws have been created in this empirical world (Maya) because we are all ignorant all the time.

“Thee Philosopher,” which is how Aquinas refers to Aristotle, was an empiricist. In the painting drawn in The School of Athens, by Raphael, Aristotle is signaling towards the ground to show Plato where the truth is: here in this empirical world (Maya). Plato, who was a rationalist, is signaling towards the Heavens. For Plato the truth is rational, and in the heavens, because this empirical world is full of too many contradictions, or paradoxes, which violate logic according to Plato and any logician. The Maya is not just relative but is also dual.

Duality means that everything has an opposite, so how could there be anything but paradoxes if everything is relative and everything has a opposite? Contradictions to empirical realities are shown over and over in modern science, with such things a quantum physics, and how every time we get an answer in Western Science, it just leads to more questions, not to the end of answers. So, I write this book as a Vishishtadvaitin or Neoplatonist point of view which believes in the paradoxes of the empirical world (Maya) not in the Heavens. Maya just means illusion in Sanskrit because of all the paradoxes of relativity and duality, and Plato thought that the empirical world was an illusion, which is why he is signaling to the Heavens. The empirical world (Maya) has to be an illusion if it contradicts itself everywhere, which it does!

Yet, I would argue that Aristotle did not have a good idea of what is truly virtuous either because he held himself, and all modern scientists, to that “fact” that empirical world would not contradict itself. I am doubting Aristotle’s conclusions on virtue as well as Aquinas’s in this essay.

One thing I would point out is that controlling the mind would be a rational solution as well; so, the only true problems any of us have are in our minds. The Colonialists also used Aristotle’s concepts of virtue to justify slavery and the conquering and killing of natives all over the world in the name of Christ, which is an ignorant rationalization and misunderstanding of what Christ taught.

In the book Greek Thought and the Origins of the Scientific Spirit, Leon Robin writes how Aristotle believed in two types of people: slaves and non-slaves. Even in the days of Aristotle there were those who questioned how anyone could justify slavery. Robin writes how some say we justify slavery through war. Aristotle was saying it was fine for the Athenians to conquer the barbarians and subjugate them. Aristotle thought the barbarians should be slaves because of their inferiority.

Aristotle’s justification for slavery was that the slave is nothing but a tool. Just like the “body is to the soul” (Robin P273), so the slave is to the master according to Aristotle. Aristotle was saying that there are “just” forms of slavery. “Like the ox, he has no reason, except what is valuable for his physical constitution, which is not even that of a free man” (Robin P273). Aristotle here refers to a human slave being nothing more than an animal, just like the ox is. In fact, Aristotle refers to the slave as to the master just like the plow is to the ox. This was considered a moral law by Aristotle, but Aristotle contradicts himself by saying the lawgiver “brings virtue to all men.” Slavery does not bring virtue to the slave, and what we have found in the modern day is all human DNA is 99.9% identical and such concepts of race are based on a difference of less than .1% of our genetics; so, there is no such thing as race. Sure, they did not know anything about DNA in Ancient Greece, but we can easily see how much alike we all are if we investigate and just get to know each other like any empiricists such as Aristotle would claim to do himself. The concept of race has always been an ignorance to justify power of one over another. Race has always been a false construct about money and power.

 So, what Aristotle was using was nothing but the RCBA’s. All any Peripatetic is trying to do with the validation of slavery would be to justify their own dominance in their society. Slave masters just wanted power. A want and a need are nothing but desires, and desires are what controls all actions of all life because life can’t take an action unless it wants something, which means the problem of all life is understanding their desires and controlling their minds. Slavery itself, at any time, was nothing but a justification of the dominant society’s selfish desires over others. The Athenians had no need to understand or love anything but themselves, which is the problem of all life: selfishness.

Aristotle says there are three types of government, and when used correctly, they bring virtue to its constituents: kingship, aristocratic oligarchy, and republic (Robin). The problem with his thinking is no government has ever been shown to bring virtue to “all” its constituents. Winston Churchill famously said, “Democracy is the best of the worst forms of government.” Churchill meant that there are problems with every form of government, and this is because no matter which society, everyone has problems with their selfishness and their moral relativity.

No society is completely free of this selfish conflict that we all have with each other because with all forms of life, life does not exist without desire. All life just wants to feel good. This need to feel good is a selfishness. Selfishness is why we all fight with each other all the time instead of working to find the common good. This fighting is something that even happens in societies with specific court rulings.

Roe vs. Wade is a good example of a moral relativity that causes all types of conflict in America. In the FindLaw Career Center, there is a paper that gives the specific details of Roe vs. Wade, and how the Supreme Court came to the conclusions that it did. FindLaw Career Center writes how the Supreme Court said that to restrict people from having abortions violates both the 9th and the 14th Amendments. The Supreme Court even goes on to overrule the Laws of the States which criminalized abortion. The ruling had to do with the right to privacy, and women being able to make that decision with their doctor in the 9th and 14th Amendments. I would argue, which I have told several Christians on Facebook through conversation, if you are a Christian, it does not matter what anyone does, even a woman who is wanting an abortion, the only thing Christ commands them to do to anyone, no matter what they do, is love them, which, in this case, these fundamentalist Christians are clearly not doing. They don’t want to have their tax money to go to any of these under privileged mothers and children once they have the kids either. To feed them or take care of them. They just don’t want white populations going down, so they claim it is about their “morality.” That is why they like the Dobs decision that puts abortion rights back to the states.

The Bible also writes over and over how “the breath of life” is how we define life. So, there is relativity in the interpretations of the Biblical Scriptures as well, which is why Jewish people have no problem with abortion. Abortion is more about white populations decreasing and people not wanting minorities from other countries than it is about any “right to life.”

These rulings have resulted in all kinds of conflicts in America. There have been acts of violence taken out on the women, the doctors, and the clinics that facilitate the abortions. Now Doctors are scared to perform abortions when a woman’s life is clearly at risk because of Dobs, and there have been several cases of the woman dying because doctors won’t perform abortions, which can be medically necessary to save a mother’s life. OBGYN’s are leaving state like Texas as well because of Texas’ support of the Dobs ruling, so the average women in Texas won’t be able to get basic prenatal care.

All Acts of violence have to be based on pseudo-morals. It is the Christians themselves which are the perpetrators of these violent acts on the abortion facilities in America. Christians are supposed to be about the This Universal Law, The Law of The New Testament: The Law of Love, but to attack a woman for choosing to terminate a pregnancy is obviously not love and not loving their enemy. When they vote for people like Herschel Walker, we can all tell they don’t care about abortion so much as they care about race. None of Herschel Walk’s voters, who claim to care about abortion, cared that he got a women pregnant who was an African American who had an abortion. They just were thrilled that he was pro-life so they might not lose another white baby. 

These Christians have a problem with the woman that does not love their unborn and let the fetus live, yet they do not love the woman, accept her, and forgive her for any sins they think she commits by terminating her pregnancy; therefore, since neither of these acts are about love, if one has an abortion, or one judges or attacks a woman for having an abortion, they are both stuck in the pseudo-morals. Neither action is a loving outcome. Roe vs. Wade is an RCBA because one claims it is hurting the unborn, and the other says their freedom should not be restricted. If we restrict the freedom of a woman, we are not showing love towards her and the understanding of her circumstances. The complications that are brought up in a woman’s life with any pregnancy can be beyond what lots of us can understand without the direct experience in that financial situation with those medical conditions. To not allow each mother their own rights over their own bodies, is to not show love for that mother, and if a mother is not able to provide a loving life for a new born, that is not love for the new born child, so the most loving thing any of us can do is allow a woman to have “control” over her own body, and if they truly were about love and wanting the baby to survive, they would be for social programs to help the mother and child, instead of voting to take those social programs away. How can the Christians claim to be about love when they don’t want to make sure the youth in America are fed and taken care of?

Another law that has to do with pseudo-morals is Michigan vs. EPA. In Michigan vs. EPA, the Supreme Court ruled based on RCBA. Michigan vs. EPA was about greenhouse gas emissions and how they pollute the environment and cause people harm. The Harvard Law Review wrote a perfect description of this ruling, and it was Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia who wrote the majority opinion.

Harvard Law Review writes how Scalia said in the majority opinion that the restrictions that the EPA puts on power plant emissions have to be “appropriate and necessary.” The EPA wanted to restrict greenhouse gases that come out of power plants to protect both people and the environment. It was the States that took the EPA to court because the States said that the restrictions that the EPA were putting on the power plants were too costly. The States wanted to save billions of dollars at the expense of the health of the citizens and the environment. Scalia agreed with the States writing the EPA was not “appropriate and necessary” with its restrictions that it imposed at the cost of the States. This ruling, either way, would either cost more money, or it would pollute the environment, which is an RCBA in either circumstantial outcome.

If someone would ask Scalia: was he a moral man? Scalia would have said that he was. He would say that he is moral even though Scalia is putting a price on the poor people’s heads that are living around these power plants because the people who are most affected by pollution are poor people. It has to do with where these people’s living spaces are. This shows that even when people are being selfish or making a law at the expense of people’s health in a society, they still think they are being moral because most people never want to do the loving thing of questioning their own thinking and conclusions that they come to. It is amazing to me that it is these Southern America States that continually get devastated by these hurricanes. These Southern Christians just have too much of what they call the greatest of all sins in their doctrine because none of them want to admit Global Warming. This is why pride is the greatest of all sins, because pride tells us we are right when we are wrong. Pride tells us we are right when all we have is a limited, subjective, and relative understanding of the empirical world! We are all wrong all the time because all we have is relativity and duality. We have “truths” to what we believe, but those “truths” can always be improved upon, and most people have no desire for that effort of their life! It is the love of money above the environment and health of the people that is the motivation of Scalia’s majority opinion, and he had no ability to truly acknowledge it, or he would not have ruled in that way!

Scalia put the love of money above the love of thy neighbor, and either ruling would have been at either the expense of the State or the health of the American Citizens. Scalia should have known that in Timothy 6:10 it clearly states: “the love of money is the cause of all calamities. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from their faith and pierced themselves with many griefs,” which is fossil fuel consumption and the love of money that is the main driving factor of global warming. These companies want the money produced by the sales of fossil fuels, and the rest of us have our selfish desires being fulfilled when it produces electricity and the power for our cars and other transportation.

Another court case that showed that not everyone loves their neighbor and their enemy is Matal vs. Tam. Matal vs. Tam is about the contrast between hate speech and free speech. Supreme Court Justice Alito wrote the majority opinion for Matal vs. Tam. The majority opinion states the First Amendment does not allow hate speech. Alito writes about how the First Amendment uses the word “persons,” and this goes to the protection of any racial minority. Alito was stating that hate speech is not free speech.

Matal vs. Tam ruled quite contrary to the 2016, 2020 and 2024 election and what Donald Trump ran on. Trump clearly ran on ostracizing minorities, specifically Muslims. This clearly goes against the ruling of Matal vs. Tam, but it did not stop the supporters of Donald Trump and the message he ran on. Trump, when he came into office in 2016, tried to get a Muslim ban for certain countries based on his bigotry, and his justification for that was RCBA because he was stating that terrorists are from the Muslim countries. This was not true. Most terrorist in America are home grown white supremacists, but it was still an RCBA because the people who elected Trump took the Muslims as a threat to their country. Trump was the lawgiver in this case. The Supreme Court finally ruled in favor of the Muslim ban and stated restricting immigrants is within the executive power. They also said it was not discriminatory when Trump clearly stated over and over what he was doing and why. It was the Christians of America who wanted this Law, which clearly is not love thy neighbor, and if the Christians took Muslims as their enemies, all they should do is love them if they are going to live up to what Jesus preached.

The reason for Roe vs. Wade, Dobs, Michigan vs. EPA, and Matal vs. Tam had to do with the RCBA is that there is a risk involved with each one of these decisions against the benefits people would get out of enacting them. An RCBA says, according to K. S. Shrader-Frechette in The Conceptual Risk of Risk Assessment, that we weigh the pros and cons of each decision and say what is right for society and ourselves. Shrader-Frechette says we do not do this with personal decisions, but Shrader-Frechette is wrong. We do, do this with personal decisions.

Shrader-Frechette says there is no way for a human to sit and calculate in each decision what is RCBA, but people are constantly thinking to themselves before they take an action: “which action should I take?” Even if people do not stop and ponder that question, they are still going to be taking the action which their mind tells them is the best decision for that moment, no matter how flawed it might be. They take that action of what they think will benefit them the most and harm them the least. We all do this. This is what Socrates meant when he said, “The passionate man and the vicious man are men who do not know their own good, who have not perceived the essence of man in themselves: No one is wicked willingly. Reciprocally, the virtues are branches of knowledge; to know is to do.” (Robin p139). We all just do what we think is best, and when we truly see and understand what is virtuous, and see our minds clearly, we take the right action. We all just have the same two problems: ignorance and understanding. Why does anyone take any action besides what they think is best in the moment? Sure, it may be dishonest, or mean, or some other misgiving, but we all take what we think is best in any given moment, usually for our own selfish needs, so we all have the same two issues: ignorance and understanding. This is why there is usually some form of pro and con in each action we take in this empirical illusion (Maya); so, most actions are nothing but RCBA for the average person as well. But with these decisions, what does it mean to make the right decision? What is love, and how can people live by that?

The most universal definition of love I have come up with would be: wanting the best for someone and taking the necessary steps to carry that out. The New Law is about caring for everyone including God because we are all One with God. This means no matter who they are, or what they did, we do our best to take the best action for everyone. This is what it would mean to let the selfishness of human behavior go. It is this selfishness which destroys all of us. That is all global warming is about. Global Warming is nothing but the desire for energy and the money, and this selfishness could kill us all, but the only way for everyone to have virtue in any society would be to have everyone in that society practice love and selflessness. We all can agree that love is the universal moral; so, it should not be these pseudo-morals that so many of us live by.

It is also the pseudo-laws of a societies which are meant to control the hand, but people in societies need their hands controlled in order for people to live with each other because a lot of people will not take the right actions because all life suffers from this selfishness and very few of us even look at our own minds through daily meditation. This is the problem of the human psyche, and in fact the psyche of all life, but it is the humans that are the “rational” ones on this planet, so we have the biggest problem. Most humans do not live by New Law, even if they claim they do, and very few in history have been able to live by the New Law; therefore, everyone who is made of flesh has their “sins.”

I would say it is my desire to practice the New Law that has been able to get me to be at peace with myself and everything which happened in my life at a young age. I have come to see what happened to me as a child happened. It is over. I explained it in the poems I opened the book with, such as That Might Be Me i Hate. I wrote those poems locked up as a suicidal child because of all the hatred I had for one man. Because of him, I took that hate out on everyone around me for years. Not just the man I wanted to kill, but everyone. That man I wanted to kill was my father. That desire, I would argue, was just a cry for help that I did not understand in any way at the time, and I was angry at my mother for keeping me in the middle of it.

I was an extremely angry child, but I do not think, looking back, I would have killed anyone because I reach out to a teacher to show him a letter I wrote. It was about being judged and abused as a kid. Both my parents judged me for my disabilities, and I hated my mother for sending me to that detentionary boarding school in the middle of Provo Utah. Today, I see she had no option because I was so out of control. She did the best she could just like my father did, as in the Socratic quote above: “no one is willingly wicked.” My mother is also why people have said I can be the most loving person they have met at time. I show caring for anyone who is suffering and have an amazing ability to connect even with strangers who are suffering. Being extremely empathic can be a characteristic of a neurodivergent person, which I am on the autism spectrum. I don’t just walk past homeless people on the street in San Francisco. I feed them all the time. I call 911 for them when I see them overdosing on fentanyl instead of just stepping over them, which I see so many people do.

I saw a man collapse from across the street one time when I was at Van Ness and Eddy Street in San Francisco. I walked through the intersection and pointed him out to the bus driver. I was watching all these people just step over him. The bus driver just wanted me out of the way, and none of the other pedestrians cared either. I started to see him turn blue, and as he did, I called 911. Some other homeless people finally saw him and started to shoot Narcan up his nose and perform CPR like it was another day of the week. I waved down the fire truck as it came, then I realized I could not do anything else, so I left.

I cried for hours that day, and the thing I cried about was how many people just stepped over him. I was saying to myself out loud in tear in repetition for hours “Everybody just walkin’ by like it doesn’t mean S____!” That is all I could say for hours. I felt that homeless person’s pain, and it hurt me so much to see so many people just steped over him as he collapsed right in front of them. I got that type of caring through my mother and how much love she showed me as a little kid, but in that school, Discovery Academy, that I was sent to because of my father, I got screwed up even more than I already was. It was at Discovery Academy that I began to truly hate everyone! Discovery Academy was where I learned to be the bully my father was with me, and I did it all with my words! I protected myself from the world with my mouth! I wrote about that in A Vicious Cycle.

Today I do not blame either of my parents for anything and am grateful my mother taught me how to love so well as a young child. She truly cared more than anyone. More so than most mothers I would say. I see today we all just have the same two problems: ignorance and understanding, and if you are the only person with the power of “choice” in your life there is nobody to resent. If there is nobody to resent, you are not a miserable person. This Maya (empirical world) is just our perfect teacher. I have come to believe in the power of metaphysics and can see such things as the Law of Karma and the Theory of Evolution both tell the same thing: the only thing that remains constant is change and we either learn or we suffer. We adapt or we die.

Karma just means action is Sanskrit, and this whole world is just causality of constant action, and I am just here to adapt and learn in this blessing of life. We can always be filled with love for our teacher if we want to grow for the better. We learn in two ways: one is pleasure and the other is pain in this empirical world of duality, but I was someone who could not see this for a very long time and did not talk to my father for about 18 years because I couldn’t see this solution.

When I decided to get in contact with my father, I had moved up to Portland to live with my mother for a little bit. I was sober for about 4 years at the time and had let go of a lot of my anger. People in 12 Step Recovery showed me what the solution was. That solution was love and forgiveness, and in my first book, A Vicious Cycle, I end with the prayer of Saint Francis, which I truly believe gives me the right action for every situation of my life if I want true happiness: “to understand is to be understood,” “by self-forgetting one finds,” “to love is to be loved,” and “to forgive is to be forgiven.” It was the people in recovery that showed me what I needed, and what I needed was their solution of love, forgiveness, and self-improvement, each one of these quotes got me to acknowledge how evil truly exists in the world.

The greatest Catholic philosopher Pseudo-Dionysius wrote quite well how evil can exists in a world created by a perfect being: “So far as they are, they are both from the Good and are good, and aspire to the Beautiful and the Good, by aspiring to the realities of Being and Life and Thought, and by privation, departure and declension of the good things befitting them they are evil, and are evil with regards to what they are not: and by aspiring to the non-existent, they aspire to the evil.” So, evil doesn’t exist. It is just an ignorance, and ignorance is just a lack of knowledge. This is how there can be such a thing as evil with a Perfect Being because it does not exist!

Some people in recovery are so hell bent on the fact that the Big Book is not the Bible, but the one thing I realized is the Big Book came from the Bible. Bill W. based all his arguments on the Oxford Group. The Oxford Group based everything on the Bible, and in the 1930s in America I would not think there would be any other spiritual books of reference that were that handy anyways. There’s nothing wrong with a text which preaches love to everyone. I enjoy reading parts of the Bible today. I am a Hindu today, and one of the premises of Hinduism is all religions have “truths” to them. I find parts of Hinduism I disagree with too, like any form of caste system or being a vegetarian. We need to eat meat and other animal products for our health, and I am against all forms of racial discrimination as well because I do not believe in race. Race is an ignorance. Race does not exists so we can all see the evil that comes from something people believe in that does not exist. Just like money! Money is just a piece of paper that we all agree means something, and we all crave more of it because we all say it means something. Money is just a figment of our imagination. It doesn’t exists but is the “cause of all calamities!”

I also do agree with Mother Nature and there needs to be rights for animals as well. We need to have respect for our whole planet if we are to survive, but it is in the book of Matthew which made me realize the only Law there truly is, is the Law of Love.

In The Sermon On The Mount Jesus states:

17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

The Pharisees were the Jewish ruling class that worked with the Romans to keep the Jewish people subjugated in their society. It was these laws of the Pharisees Jesus has come to abolish. These laws in themselves are pseudo-laws because they were not the laws based on The Sermon On The Mount. The Pharisees were given this power by the Romans. The Pharisees’ laws were RCBA; therefore, pseudo-laws. They benefited the Pharisees because the Pharisees imposed them to benefit the Romans, so the Romans gave the Pharisees special rights and privileges, these privileges even harmed other Jewish people, and that is why the Pharisees got Jesus crucified.

Just like the laws of the Pharisees, the pseudo-laws of a society are based on the RCBA. Laws of any society are specific to their constituents. The laws of Roe vs. Wade, Dobs, Michigan vs. EPA, and Matal vs. Tam are meant to rule the hand. Pseudo-laws are meant for people in a society. But the pseudo-laws will not lead “all” to happiness and will not lead to the “Kingdom of Heaven.” Heaven, for me, is here on earth when the New Law is practiced. It is in the moment because Consciousness is all there truly is, and it is the law of the New Testament that shows anyone what they need to do to get to Heaven and be happy here on earth, and that is: “Love thy God, thy Neighbor, and thy Enemy as thyself.” It is this law which is the only true law, and this law is the law that has led to my happiness.

I have found my peace in finally being able to love my enemy. That man I wanted to kill, as I stated, was my father, and my father was my greatest enemy by far for a large part of my life. Hating him made it so I hated myself most of all, and I took that anger out on the world as a child. I fought the whole world because of him. That man taught me two things extremely well when I was a child: I was worthless and how to feel superior to anyone. Those two character defects were perfected at Discovery Academy, and Discovery Academy was what perfected those character defects in my adult life.

When I moved up to Portland back in 2009, I got curious to see my father, just to meet him and get to know him. I had let all of that anger go because of the love I had gotten from other people who suffered from their addictions. I had no expectations of what he would be like. I admitted I truly would not know until it happened.

I met him at a restaurant. I still recognized him. When I got to the restaurant, he was waiting for me at the bar. He had a beer in his hand. It did not bother me because it does not bother me if anyone drinks or does drugs. Their drinking and drug use is about them, not me, and I can be around drinking and drug use with no problem because my sobriety is not contingent on anything except my God. If I rely on God, I should not have a problem facing anything. If I rely on God, I do not need to have any anger or any problems because the Law of Love is the key to happiness in any circumstance.

He was there drinking, I met him, and we talked. We had a great dinner because of the conversation and food. I just got to let him know a little bit about myself, and since I set all expectations or judgments aside, I enjoyed it.

After that dinner I would see him quite often when I was living in Portland, and when I moved back down to San Francisco I would call him all the time. He showed a genuine interest in me. He wanted to know what I was doing with my life and what it was that made me happy. I impressed him with my education, and he thought it was great what I was doing. He had no expectations or judgments about me at all. He even told me how intelligent I was all the time. He said once to me “you seem to be smarter than I am.” That man would never say that to anyone unless he meant it too.

He was about 65 when I got to know him. He did drugs, drank, and smoked for about 50 years, so he was not long for this planet. I moved back to San Francisco to marry my wife after about nine months in Portland, and it was about 10 years of staying in touch with him before he died.

When he got sick, it was at that time in my life I started to tell him I loved him over the phone every time I talked with him, and I would call him every day. He would even tell me he loved me. “I love you” were three words that took most of my life to say to anyone after my childhood, but I went up to Portland during spring break to see him one last time and tell him to his face I loved him. I even had no problem hugging him. That was nothing I thought I would have ever said or done to that man, but I forgave him completely and was showing love for him while he passed.

When I got to recovery, I could not even give anyone a hug for a very long time. People would try and give me a hug, and I would lash out with my tongue at them. After coming to recovery for 15 years I eventually started to be able to give people hugs. After going to recovery for 15 years I could say I love you to a select few people, then, after a little while, I could say it to anyone. I could not say I love you to anyone without me needing to hear it back, or without the fear that I might not hear it back. I was always so scared of people rejecting me, and that is why I could not say it to people even if I felt it. Not being able to tell anyone I loved them was because of the abuse I suffered as a child and that detentionary boarding school Discovery Academy. If I told someone I loved them, and I did not hear it back, I felt so worthless that it terrified me completely, so I just couldn’t say it for a large part of my life.

People in my family do not say “I love you” to each other too often. I have noticed love was the only thing I ever wanted from anyone. I believe love is all any of us truly want from the people in our lives. Admitting that all we want is love also scares lots of people because it exposes us and makes us all vulnerable. It is the fear of getting hurt which kept me from giving what I wanted away, and like Jesus taught, love is the only thing which will cure us all. Love is the basis for the only True Law, and laws of a society are meant for controlling the hand; so, if someone lives by the only law there truly is: The Law of Love, then the hand is controlled quite easily by the mind. The pseudo-laws of a society are not needed if the mind is controlled, but the Law of Love is an extremely difficult law to practice perfectly. To perfect the Law of Love would be for all of us to understand all our thoughts at every single moment. I would argue the reason most do not do it too well is because most of us are not even paying attention to what we are truly thinking. Yet doing the right thing does not need to be a struggle when the Law of Love is understood and practiced. Like Socrates stated, virtues need to be in the actions we take. When we do this, the conflicts in our lives disappear.

I am no longer a miserable suicidal person. I no longer live in my father’s shadow or am plagued with the torture and the shackles of my mind. I am free and happy because I can love anyone today, even my father, without resentment. Loving others freely allows me to love myself. I do not need to be scared of anyone when I live by love. I live my life quite freely today. I no longer need to ruin my life and the lives of others around me because I feel like I will never get love or be accepted. To be free of fear and hate is an amazing experience. Especially when it has controlled you and destroyed everything in your life at one time. I can be happy no matter what because of the Law of Love.

The best way I have found to look at human motivation is through the book I Am That, Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. He opened my eyes to the only true motivation we all have: love, and how to forgive anyone:

“Life is love and love is life. What keeps the body together but love? What is desire but love of self? What is fear but the urge to protect? What is knowledge but the love of truth? The means and form may be wrong, but the motive behind is always love – love of the me and the mine. The me and the mine may be small and insignificant, or may explode and embrace the universe, but love remains” (Nisargadatta P68).

It was this quote that enabled me to see what everyone’s motivations are at their core is love; even my father’s. As a child my father had a desire for alcohol, and as Nisargadatta points out, all desire is nothing but a love of self. That love of alcohol was nothing but a misguided form of the love because “the means and the form maybe wrong,” and is a selfish desire. That desire for alcohol was an ignorance. All desires are based on a love of self, or a love of the few. Instead of the Love of All. If you want to forgive someone just realize that their motive behind all actions is nothing but the wrong form of love, that wrong form of love is a misunderstanding. It is an ignorance just like Socrates said.

I met a girl in a meeting who sexually abused her younger half-brother. That girl sexual abused him because she was raped by her mother’s boyfriend. She told me that she left the house because her stepmother kept strangling her unconscious over and over because her stepmother found out, and she broke the rules of her stepmother’s house. She was a kid at the time and only did to the brother what was done to her. That is nothing but the Law of Karma, which is nothing but the Law of Cause and Effect, or Newton’s Law of Reciprocity: for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. She was only doing to him what was done to her. Understanding another is the key to letting go of any of our resentments. Take the power of “choice” out of the other person’s hands and just realize people only do what they know, and what they know was what was done to them.

There are amazing articles I have read that show everyone that the Law of Love and the Law of Karma are basically the same thing. The only difference is the Law of Karma does not judge. With the Law of Karma, I take an action, these are the consequences for my action. Every action just has a result, which is nothing but reciprocity, but both the Law of Karma and the Law of Love tell us that if we act out of anger more, anger will be created. If someone acts out of love, more love will be created, and the only way to fight anger is with love. This was the same message as Thoreau, Gandhi, and Dr. King, which they all based on the Book of Matthew.

There was a movie that was released in 2017 that got best picture that made this same argument as The Law of Love. Everyone I talked to seemed to think it was some new retackle argument. The movie was Three Billboards. In this movie this mother loses her child to a murderer. She blames the town sharif for not being able to capture the murderer of her child. This is a very violent movie, and you see how her daughter getting killed just creates more and more anger and violence throughout the movie. It wasn’t a new argument. It is the oldest of all arguments and is even shown in ancient scriptures that originated on different continents. Anger creates more anger, yet when you realize love is everyone’s constant motivation, be it a misguided or misunderstood form of love, and that understanding is all our problems, you can forgive anyone, and your anger will slowly weaken and disappear.

Not understanding others is where the mother in the movie Three Billboards went wrong and was my biggest problem my whole life as well. It is amazing what awareness will do for anyone. Awareness is 99.9% of the problem for all of us and that is why I meditate daily for 45 minutes as shown in my chapter on ADHD. The reason that girl got strangled unconscious by her stepmother, is her stepmother had a love for her son, and wanted to be able to control and protect the other child. Just like in the movie Three Billboards. Both were mothers that loved their child and did not know how to respond to the Maya (Empirical World). The stepmother of the girl who molested her little half-brother had love for her son, yet the stepmother lost all control because her fear did not let her understand the situation. This is what Nisargadatta meant when he stated above: “what is fear but the urge to protect?” Fear is a natural emotion we all misuse because we want to protect ourselves, something, or someone, so the root of fear is love. She strangled her stepdaughter unconscious because we was controlled by the fear of her son getting harmed.

This is the same thing that is happening in the Middle East. There are those who love Israel and those who love Palestine. How it manifests is nothing but fear and anger. One has a fear they will lose something; one has a fear that they will not get it back: the Holy Land. Not getting something one desires, or losing something someone has, are the two types of fears; how those two types of fear manifest is anger, so the root of anger is love.

I have had a couple of people say I have saved their lives, and I’m the reason they believe in God. It was not that difficult. Anyone can do it. There is this one lady who has had a lot of brain damage from strokes. I did not really know her too well before the strokes at all, but one day I saw her suffering. She was in a wheelchair saying she just wanted to die. I went up and said hi to her. It was at that moment I started to spend time with her. Not a lot of time, but I just made an effort to see her once a week. All I do today is talk to her and say hi on the phone. I text her and tell her I love her throughout the week. It is so simple. Anyone can do it. I have found it is the only thing any of us truly want. Anyone can make a difference in someone else’s life: Anyone! It also feels wonderful to make a positive difference in someone’s life.

It was the Saints, like Augustine and Pseudo-Dionysius, which got me back to Catholicism. I wrote how I am basically a Neoplatonist too. Vishishtadvaita and Neoplatonism have lots and lots in common. They are both qualified-nondualist, and Neoplatonism is what all the Catholic Saints were in the Middle Ages too. It was these Saints which got me to see the only law, which is truly a law, is the same law that works for everyone: the Law of Love.

When my father was dying, I got to hug him and tell him I loved him over and over. I have said it to my sisters and all my family members, and sometimes they do not even say it back to me. They do not need to. It is fine. I have no need for the fear of rejection, so I just let it all go. Today I try and live by the only true moral there is: love. This only true moral is what makes the only true law there is. With this law there are no RCBA’s because there are no winners and losers. Anyone who practices this law will win, and every life that person touches wins as well because when the mind is controlled the hand will follow. Other lives are not damaged by another people’s hands when the Law of Love is practiced.

Jesus showed love for the Pharisees who were nailing him to the cross. If I am going to be happy, then just like Jesus, it does not matter what anyone else does. It only matters what I do, and no matter what they do, the only thing I should try and do is love them. I am not a Saint, and I still have a long way to go. I mess up all the time at this, but through awareness, and daily practice, I am able to change my habits by responding to my consequences. Most of what we all do is nothing but habitual, as I prove through the rest of this book, so I still have a hard time loving everyone in all circumstances. I will tell anyone it has gotten easier the more I have practiced it. The rest of this book is about developing new thinking and behaviors to overcome one’s mental illness; so, the Law of Love will work for anyone, be you a Christian or not because all religions have “truths” to them.

I also point out to Christians in America all the time that I do not see how the 2nd Amendment and the Law of Love are compatible. They seem shocked and confused. It seems quite obvious and simple to me. But none of them want to even see it. I have terrified them just pointing out this simple truth to them. One of the greatest persons to practice the Law of Love of the 20th century was not even a Christian. It was Gandhi. Gandhi studied Thoreau, and Thoreau himself was pro-Christ and anti-Christian, because Thoreau saw the Christians themselves had never practiced the principles of Christ. Gandhi said it best, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Modern Christians are still trying to reconcile the Old Law and the New Law, which leads to nothing but insanity in an empirical world (Maya). Most humans also have no desire to look at their own minds or their own actions, which is what pride keeps us all from doing.

If one looks at modern non-violent peaceful protest in America it is based on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Dr. King based it on Gandhi; So, when one thinks about it, even gay rights are based on the spirit of Christ. They are based on the abolitionist interpretation of the Book of Matthew: All non-violent peaceful protest is about showing love for your enemy because anger only breeds more anger. This is nothing but a radical interpretation of the Book of Matthew, and it is nothing but a simple logical conclusion, which most of us refuse to acknowledge.

The Letters of Birmingham Jail, written by Dr. King, was the most amazing piece of literature I have ever read, knowing the content. It is Neoplatonic in its form and quotes Augustine, Plato’s Apology, and the Phaedo from memory in a jail cell. Dr. King knows he is going to get killed when he refers to himself as “Socrates drinking the hemlock!” and at the end of that 21 handwritten letter from jail he asks them for their love and forgiveness even though he is doing what is just and right! What Dr. King did is still way beyond me, but it gives me ideals to stive for!I could only wish to be so articulate and live to that level or morality!

The most articulate of the 2020 Presidential candidates, Mayor Pete Buttigeig has stated, “Christians in this country hide behind the clock of religion. They claim to praise the principles of loving your God and your enemy just as themselves, but they don’t live by it,” and Karl Marx basically said the same thing about the colonialists.

Lots of people get pride and humility confused, and that is because they get fear and faith confused. The reason for this is that people want the impossible: certainty in an uncertain world. That would be the only reason one would try to reconcile the Old and New Laws and would be the only reason anyone takes a literal interpretation of their scriptures. These people are not after what is true, but they are after holding what they have believed their whole lives to be true and trying to hold onto certainty which is not possible in the Maya (empirical world). What Fundamentalist Christians do in America is nothing but pride.

If someone wants what is true, they need to always admit when they are wrong, and we are all wrong constantly about the conclusions we come to. It is only through acknowledging our error that we learn, which is what the Law of Karma is all about: learning, and I either learn or I suffer by the results of the actions I take, and as Gandhi stated: “if everyone did an eye for an eye, the whole world would be blind.”

Today I take all religions as having “truths.” Some speak the “truth” more than others, but most are not practiced very well. Most of the followers of every religion get things like fear and faith confused. There is a lack of understanding about their principles that they preach because most people do not want to put forth the effort to truly understand their religion and to truly practice it.

According to Pope Francis, the Kingdom of Heaven is open to anyone no matter their God or their religion. All you have to do is have a rational mind and love your neighbor and your enemy as yourself, and if we truly want that then, when the mind is controlled, then the hand will follow. When someone does that, then happiness will follow because God is everything and we are all One. This also means the root of everything, in every action we all take, is nothing but love. As Nisargadatta Maharaj says, “Wisdom tells me I am Nothing. Love tells me I am everything. In between the two my life flows.” So, I am here to prove to you: Love is all there is, and that is quite Logical.

Here me speak about forgiveness in the voice recording below:

https://tusnua.eu/justin-april-4th-2023/

read the rest of this book at the link below:

SOUTH ROAD

as i peer through theses stalks of corn

into the berries so sweet,

i can see the hens which dream

to fly out of South Road.

on the northwest side of these hills

i yearn to be in that farm so small and fine,

which still lives in my heart

with aspirations from the days before.

through this corn i can see the willow

weeping with tremors of family life,

and points me to the forest, in dreams

of the love and victories of my foes.

these Dragons and Goblins i triumph

with my hairless hands so callused in dirt

yet all brings my loss each day

with the sun setting just forcing me home.

home, even darker than the silk of night,

which every youthful demon hides,

yet this thing which gives me life

now yearns all tortures with it.

but even my dreams are in this bitter acre of land

for it gets me to promise never to leave.

and with that oath i see men come

to chop each tree that my loving foe cowers in.

and with the falling of each tree

the hair of my hand  slowly thickens,

leaving childhood dreams only to thin,

Which strengthens the tide that shipped me away.

in this sea of rock and dirt

i’m hid away in years to come.

each second seemingly takes forever,

for much happens when i think back.

each second takes forever and the days

go by with a blink, as i’m flown back home.

yet where is home? i can’t see it here.

i’m on the Northwest side, but not South Road.

So with my heart’s lazy desires, against all will

lie here to dream of what i had.

to all the ends the memories are cluttered with pain,

yet i even enjoy these dwelling thoughts.

but if i look back through those stalks of corn

i can see that dream i lived so full,

and i daresay not all was hell, but even joy,

for i wish i was on the Northwest side on South Road.

more poetry and essays at the link below:

Two Provable Definitions of God

I prove God in the audio link below to a room full of atheists:

https://tusnua.eu/justin-april-4th-2023/

Buy the whole book The Shadowed Soul with a chapter on how I’ve overcome ADHD, Dyslexia, Suicidal Depression, PSTD and Anxiety, Schizophrenia and Bipolar, Epilepsy and Autism, Brain Damage and Digital Dementia and the Retardation of Thoughts in the link below:

 

Epilogue: Two Provable Definitions of God

There are two questions that stand out more than any other for me: What answers can I get for my life, and how will those answers lead me to happiness? With the contemplation of these questions, it comes to me that all of my answers start out with the fact that: first, I should scrutinize everything that I interpret with my senses, and second, I should question each one of the conclusions that I come to in my mind over and over.

Each one of my beliefs I take as a rational “choice,” even though “choice” is more of a necessary illusion for each individual to live by. By placing each one of us at the center of our own universe is why this empirical world (Maya) is meant to be our Perfect Teacher. The Law of Karma is Perfect Teacher for each and every Soul; so, one should ask themselves: if they believe in the power of “choice,” why would anyone take any action other than what they think best suits them in that moment? That is the problem with just believing that we all have the power of “choice.” Because the power of “choice” implies that someone would knowing take what we thought was wrong out of the multiple options set in front of them in that very moment. Or are we all just doing the best we can, and none of us seem to really know too much? The problem we all have with our actions is ignorance and understanding, just like Socrates taught. Yet there are truths and fallacies with each conclusion I “choose” to take as a fact, except for: “I Am.” “I Am,” or I exist, is the only true concept that anyone can take as indubitable as I proved in my chapter on psychosis. All I truly have is conjecture except for the fact that “I Exist,” even when I make an absolute statement, it is truly nothing but an inference. Inferences are nothing but an expression of a thought using language. Just like perception and motion and, even words have, have a relative meaning to us all. Especially the word “God!” So, the main point of this argument is that we all use faith weather we acknowledge it or not, and God is provable depending on one’s definition!

Being able to always be wrong, except of the conclusion “I Am,” is why I only speculate about what I interpret with my senses. We can all admit that our senses have quite often led us astray. I showed how all of the rationalistic aspects of all our minds have been led astray because all truths that are subject to any human mind are relative. This shows how relativity is part of all our empirical realities, either for myself, or anyone else. We need to have the perfect objective ideals of striving for, for an absolute empirical truth. Platonic Forms would be a good concept for these absolute truths, because what it gives us is a better understanding of our subjective, or relative, truths if we strive to understand them. Since the mind is relative, our understandings can always be improved upon.

I proved paradoxes in a relative and dual universe to a Dr. of Anthropology I took class from at CCSF. I proved to him that the paradox of Western Science is every answer, just leads to more questions! It never leads to the end of answers! We are nowhere near the Theory of Everything! Or as Stephen Hawkings would call “Knowing the Mind of God,” and just like they predicted in both Ancient Greece and Ancient India, if we answer a question, we just get more questions! Never the end of answers! Our first concepts of both relativity and duality come from Vedic Scripture, which directly influenced the Ancient Greeks. The Doctor I pointed this out too seemed angry, but he gave up on the argument when I brought in quantum physics and how there could even be other universes functioning of other laws as people like Steven Hawkings theorized.

I showed that Dr. of Anthropology a short video on Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle in quantum physic, and I said, “if you can mathematically explain how a quantum particle behaves as wave when we look at it indirectly, and as a particle when we look at it directly, in a way that does not contradict itself, and rewrite Richard Feynman’s QED, which is the most accurate of all quantum theories, to 100% accuracy, then you will get all the recognition your crave!”

In QED Feynman explains how around 98.6% of all quantum empirical interactions are: ‘an electron goes from place to place, a photon goes from place to place, and an electron absorbs and admits a photon,’ I told that Doctor: “If you don’t believe in Paradoxes, then do it? It would prove Einstein right and Bohr wrong! You would win the Nobel Prize and be the next Einstein!” He refused to respond after that.

It was Neils Bohr that gave the famous quote “everything we call real is made of things that cannot be taken as real.” He said this because of quantum physics and all the paradoxes with the quantum world. We are 99.9% empty space because of the Pali Exclusion Principle and how electros and protons are constantly pushing each other away with their like repeals like electromagnetism. We are so empty that we have trillions of neutrinos, which is a neutrally charged particle that travels near the speed of light, flying through us constantly with the fusion produced from the sun burning its hydrogen into helium. That is why Bohr, having an understanding of the quantum world, said we are “nothing!” “Nothing” that can be taken as “real!”

No mathematical mind has ever been able to solve Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, which is nothing but a paradox! I am not saying someone won’t solve that theoretical error someday. What I am saying is, is that the skeptics of Ancient Greece and India were right: every answer of this empirical world just leads to more questions! Never to the end of answers! Whenever we get an answer to a paradox, we just eventually get another paradox! If Heisenberg’s Uncertainty principle is solved and can be mathematically explained, without the violation of causality, then we would just get more questions! Not the end of answers! Which is the true paradox of Western Science!

With relativity, it isn’t just about motion and gravity like Einstein theories, but perception and understanding which the Ancient Greeks and Indians wrote about. Duality is expressed in the terms that everything that exists in the empirical world has its opposite. Because there is hot, there is cold. Because there is bitter, there is sweat. Because there is firm, there is soft. Because there is pleasure, there is pain. Then at the most fundamental level, because there is matter, there is antimatter. The philosophers of Ancient Greece and Ancient India had no concept of antimatter, but the fundamentals of what they theorized about relativity and duality hold true to this day, which proves to me that if “Contradiction” is a true law of nature, then the empirical world has to be an illusion, or illusory, like Plato said it was. That is also what the Maya stands for in Sanskrit: illusion.  

The Law of Contradiction is a law of empirical science that most Western Sciences go by, and it is a tool Aristotle gave us. The Law of Contradiction states that you can’t have one empirical truth contradicting another. There aren’t paradoxes. We just have a misunderstanding of the situation, but all western science really does is over through one theory for another theory, which is why the paradox of western science is we are always getting more questions with every answer. I take Contradiction as just a necessary too that we use to explore this Infinite Reality God gave us in the physical world. Getting answers from the Maya is what all Souls are here for, and if Contradiction is truly a law, then nothing is “real” just like Bohr said!

Searching for the truth is all my life is about and is not something too many people do in this day and age. Some people, in the most developed country in the history of the world, the United States, think that this planet is only 6000 years old. They believe that their God judges them on the amount of faith that they hold in their hearts. They use computers, see doctors, talk on their cellphones, and yet hold a different concept of “truth” than some of us who do the same thing. I don’t hold to that opinion, but it could be me that is wrong?

I believe in the atom. I have yet to analyze that atom with my naked eye, for that would be impossible, yet I still believe in it. When I talk on my cellphone, I have faith the technology is working, and I can verify that when I meet the person. I have done it so many times that I take each piece of communication for granted. Yet, it is when I make assumptions that I can be led astray. There is no true proof of what is in this empirical world! Any single one of us could be a paranoid schizophrenic stuck in a different reality digging through a trash can in a big city! So, the only thing each experience gives me which is apodictic, is the fact that “I Am!” All I have is conjecture besides the fact that “I Exist!”

Being wrong is nothing that I will ever be free of when it comes to my judgements on this empirical world, and in fact, it is something I have been able to be grateful for. It has been the only way that I have been able to learn – trial and error. I am someone who has found happiness, not from getting everything that I want, but from finding answers. I have found the best answers by looking at myself, deep into my mind daily, and exploring why I do what I do, just like Socrates told us to do. Socrates is credited with coining the term in the West: “Know Thyself.” Socrates told everyone that: “the unexamined life is not worth living.” This is true for me. I need to be able to look at my own motivations and actions; be willing to admit when I don’t know something, and look for the answers, both in myself and the world around. This is some of what we all get from the teachings of Socrates.

One of the gifts of Socrates was that he could acknowledge the truth that came across his path. Socrates got “Know Thyself” from a wall at a temple at Delphi, and it is through examination of what is reflected back at me, that I find my truth as well. I am an epileptic. I was having seizures undiagnosed for five years as a child. My whole family told me I was doing it for attention. This was an experience that definitely made me question my reality. Everyone, even doctors, who didn’t know what they were doing, in the middle of Provo Utah, were telling me that something wasn’t happening, when in fact it was: seizures!

When I was child, the doctor they had me see at Discovery Academy, Dr Christopher, gave me one EEG and told my mother I was doing it for attention because the EEG didn’t show an electrical disturbance in the brain. Well, something I didn’t know, because I was just a kid at the time, was that someone has to be having a seizure at the same time they are having the EEG for it show up as an electrical disturbance in the brain. That is what a seizure is: a surge of electrical energy in the brain. That is all the brain functions off of: electricity. But these doctors in Provo Utah didn’t seem to know that! They were Doctors who didn’t know much about science, which made my life a living hell for years! I was only 15, and that idiot Doctor at Discovery Academy was the one who had the MD! Richard Fynman said quite well, “there is a big difference between education and intelligence. I’ve met plenty of idiots with a PHD.” That school should have been shutdown a long time ago, and I have met several medical doctors over the years who don’t seem to know much of what they are doing.

I am an alcoholic too, and because I am an alcoholic, the only way I have been able to find happiness is by questioning my reality. I am someone who had a bottle of Vodka by the time I was twenty every day for a year straight. I brought the weed and the alcohol to a park and gave it to the kids because I wanted friends. I would get them all drunk and high, then I would start mouthing off to everyone. This would get all the really cool and tough kids to beat me up. The cool kids were the ones I loved to pick on the most! Then I would put on my headphones and hike all over the hill of San Francisco singing as loud as I could. I would usually pass out on the street and wake up strapped down to a gurney in San Francisco General Hospital. Waking up in SFGH is something that would happen to me about three nights a week for the first year I lived in San Francisco.

Sometimes I was also working that same morning. I always woke up miraculously in the ER aby around 7:00 to 8:00 AM, and just say to the nurse, “Let me go!” because I was strapped down to the gurney in five-point restraints!

The nurse would say, “Are you going to come back?”

I’d say, “no!”

But I might be back in the same hospital bed the next night.

That was my drinking, then I ended up doing a lot of drugs on top of that before I got sober, and Speed is not the drug for epilepsy. I did every drug there was too, but it was only questioning my reality and being ablet to say: “I don’t know,” that I was ever able to get sober.

When I got sober, I was having stomach pains. First, the Doctors told me it was Crones, then the Doctors told me it was HIV, but what it turned out to be acid reflux into my small intestine. This shows me, that just like me, Doctors don’t have the answer either because they function off faith too. Their patients have a set of symptoms, they analyze them, then they come up with a theory of treatment. Sometimes that theory works and sometimes it doesn’t. This is proof that all Doctors use faith. All scientists use faith. That is what science is about: falsifiability, not verifiability! Science makes assumptions and measures the consequences of those assumptions. If it is a good theory it holds up to being proven false, if it is a bad theory, it gets overthrown for another theory or they just say: “I don’t know.” Jules Henri Poincare is the one who proved science is about falsifiability which goes very well with the paradox of Western Science: every answer just leads to more questions.

I pointed all throughout this book that I am pro-science and the scientific method by using Contradiction as a tool of the empirical world (Maya), not a Law. So, no one should think that I am against medications or seeing a good doctor who knows what they are doing. Lots do; some don’t! I have an amazing doctor, who I still see at times today: Paul Garcia, who is head of epileptology at UCSF. Dr. Garica was the one who saved my life and told me: “if you don’t quit drinking and using you will have brain surgery or die.” Every time Dr. Garcia did not have an answer for my medical condition, which was quite often he would tell me, “I don’t know.” Dr. Garcia has a waiting list and is head of one of the world-renowned hospitals for epilepsy and neurology.

It was the fear of death that got me into the rooms of recovery, but that fear did not get me to sober. It took another eight years of me trying daily to get sober, and doing every drug there was in the meantime. I would get a couple of days, then go out and do the same thing over again. All of this led me to a quote that I heard others tell me for years. This quote was from Einstein. Einstein said: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” To me this isn’t necessarily insanity because everyone does this. That is why the whole world loved and related to this quote so much! We all do the same thing over and over all the time, and expect different things to happen because we build our neuropathways and behaviors by doing something that worked for us at one time in our lives. Our neuropathways control our behavior. At our jobs we do the same thing over and over. We get up at the same time every weekday to go to work. We brush our teeth nightly, and all kinds of other things. This is also another reason the power of “choice” is ridiculous if you consider it. Our behaviors that we conduct, and the actions that we take, are about the neuropathways we built based on the experiences of our lives that we develop through repetitious behavior.

Drugs and Alcohol worked for the alcoholic and the addict at one time. These substances no longer do, and they can’t feel happy without the artificial substances boosting the chemicals in their brain. I would do this insane behavior of repetitious drinking and drug abuse just hoping to get some type of relief from the conflict in my mind and soul, but it never came. The noise in my head was so loud that the only solution I could grasp onto was drinking for oblivion! It wasn’t until I had the ability to look for answers, admit what “I do not know,” and questioning myself, as well as my intentions, that I started on the road to happiness. I have also seen this reasoning laid in front of all of us through exploring the great philosophers of the past! It is meant for everyone: “Know Thyself,” and question your reality by telling yourself: “I don’t know,” because we are all wrong all the time and the only thing anyone can know for certain is their Empty Self or in Sanskrit: Sunyam Eva Sarvam – Emptiness is Everything!

There was a pre-Socratic philosopher who explored his mind and soul based on his own intuition: Heraclitus. Heraclitus showed how people need to look into themselves to find peace, and that quest will never be over.

Heraclitus was all about self-examination. To look inward is the only place that one needs to look. Heraclitus became a hermit and isolated himself from everyone so that he could explore the truth in his own thoughts. This was the only way for him to get his answers. For me, it is not about isolation, but about looking at my own actions by exploring my own thoughts: all day and throughout the day. I question and argue everything in my mind throughout the day constantly. It is with this tool that I have been able to dissect each thought that has influenced my behavior. It is through this rigorous analyzing of dilemmas that I have gotten peace of mind.

Solving dilemmas was something another Ancient Greek philosopher, one who Plato gives credit of teaching Socrates the art of the dialectic did as well, was all about: Parmenides. Parmenides is quoted with saying: “There is nothing that is true, that is at some point untrue, nothing absolute that is also relative.” For Parmenides, the Law of Contradiction was the only true truth, which is why Parmenides took the empirical world as an illusion! Logic is linier, and Parmenides functioned off of pure logic! Logic always turns the empirical world upside down! But Parmenides and Heraclitus approached the world from two opposing views. Heraclitus thought that all we have are our senses, and Parmenides thought the physical world of the senses was just an illusion. Parmenides claimed that all we have is the now; therefore, there is no such thing as motion. Heraclitus came up with the Heraclitean Flux, which says the empirical world is in a constant state of change through creation and destruction!

Parmenides believed in the fact of Absolute Being. Absolute Being is the only thing that there is, and Absolute Being cannot be made of anything else, and cannot be a combination of Being and non-Being; therefore, the empirical world of motion is an illusion because anything that is moving is constantly changing, and the only thing that exists is Being, which is Absolute and Immutable; therefore, the empirical world is nothing but our ignorant illusion. This Immutable Being is where Plato got his Forms from.

Zeno, who was a student, and lover, of Parmenides, said: “an arrow in flight is always in the now, in an equal place and motionless.” It was with this philosophical argument that the Eleatic philosophy proved the only thing there is, is Being in this very moment; therefore, there is no such thing as change and motion. When one takes a picture of an arrow in flight it is represented in that moment as perfectly still. All of this has gotten me to ask the question of: “what is?,” and explore the empirical world and its paradoxes that Heraclitus lived by and Parmenides rejected.

Even my existence I take as a paradox, for I questioned that the first time at the age of Fourteen. I struggled even in childhood with the question: is any part even real because if everything is cause and effect what could have ever brought about that first cause?

Aristotle agreed this empirical world is true and noticed it is always in motion. Aristotle needed a justification for that first “cause.” Aristotle tried to justify the first cause as the “Unmoved-Mover,” but that is nothing but a semantical justification through language relativity. Aristotle was justifying qualities of contradiction to an individual. Language relativity is what some scientists do in the modern day when they are suck with quantum physics or other sciences, they just say, “that is the quantum particle’s nature: wave-particle duality; there for quantum physics doesn’t have any paradoxes,” but it is a just paradox some like to justify through semantics by just using the word “nature” just like Aristotle did with “Unmoved-Mover!” It is a semantic justification! Because they have the delusion that Contradiction is a Law of Empiricism! Which if it is, the empirical world would have to be an illusion because it contradicts itself everywhere, and Empiricists reject the Empirical World being an illusion!

Ever since I was a little kid, and my older brother Isaac explained to me that the Earth revolves around the Sun, I have always taken “reality” as truly fascinating. “Reality” has done nothing but encourage me to fantasize. That is one of my earliest memories that I still hold to this day: looking up at the sky, thinking and about the sun and the earth; looking for a reason and a purpose in my existence and how everything works together so well.

Parmenides proves existence with logic, for he says: “of impossibility there could be neither knowledge, for non-being is neither realized nor expressed.” It is this statement that proves my own existence and that of God. How can something come from nothing? God was and always will be. I believe that we are just a part of It. I hold myself to a conscious “choice,” so I “chose” to believe that there is a God that is One. It is made up of all things and leaves nothing out: My relative term for my God is the Heraclitean Logos. This concept is also found in Hinduism as well.

Heraclitus believed in the Logos, and that to find the answers of the Logos one needed to look inwards. Heraclitus says: “you can never in all your goings finds the ends of the soul, though you traveled every path, so deep are its meaning.” Everything is a part of One; so, to find all answers, one needs to look inward. When I can empty my mind completely through Trataka, I do look off into infinity just like Heraclitus says! That Infinite Truth is there for us all!

My perception used to tell me that I was the focus of everyone else’s thoughts. I was judged by every person that came across my path. They all hated me; for that I was going to make sure that each one paid. I was angry and unable to see the cause of my anger. Most people took me as the angriest person they’d ever met; the funny thing was that all I wanted was love, yet I was too scared to trust anyone. It got me to ask myself: If all I want is love and acceptance, then why can’t I treat everyone with love and acceptance? I still struggle and work on this daily, but it is amazing how the answers of each one of all our actions is love.

Just like Ralf Waldo Emerson writes about, love is the greatest teacher, and it is only because of love and acceptance that I have found any happiness. I had many people that were willing to love me until I could love myself. It was through the love of others that I was able to start looking inward and analyzing my own mind which dictated my malevolent actions. For too much of my life all I could do was see what was wrong with everything. That everything started with myself. I was so selfish as to think I was the worst of all people. I had had a traumatic childhood and suffered lots of psychological issues because of it. It was all traumas from other people’s action; I was even diagnosed with PTSD. Today I do believe in cause and effect; it has helped me find a reason for why all people, including myself, do what they do. That answer to why everything is the way it is, is the Law of Karma, or causality, or cause and effect, or Newtons’ Law of Reciprocity. They are all the same thing: for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, and I reward and punish myself through my own actions. God does not punish in Karma. We punish ourselves, and we either learn, or we continue to suffer. The Theory of Evolution and the Law of Karma tells me the same thing: the only thing that remains constant is change and I either learn or I suffer. I adapt or I die. We are all just here to learn from the consequences of our actions. This concept tells me that most religion is nothing but simple logic and common sense as long as one doesn’t take it literally. That is the problem of fundamentalism. They take the literal interpretation of their scriptures. Fundamentalism is about ignorance and claiming certainty when there is none in this empirical world (Maya)!

Because I have my reasons for why the things are the way they are, I have the reason other people do what they do too, when I have their reason, I have understanding for them. When I have understanding for them, I can forgive them and be free of the burdensome hatred. I can be free of hate especially when I can pause. Pausing is a gift I only got from meditation, and when I am free of this hatred, there is nothing left for me but the opposite: peace. To me peace is synonymous with happiness. When I have a clear and peaceful mind it is because I have learned the secrets to abating the conflict between my ears, for that is where all my difficulties lie. Peace is something I struggled with my whole life, especially in the moment, but when I can pause and reflect, which I do every day in silent meditation, I can find this solution to my behavior and unhappiness.

There is another valuable lesson that has brought me peace, and it has been whispered from Heraclitus as well. Heraclitus said: “You can never dip in the same river twice.” To me this is a valuable lesson, for it tells me that things are always changing. This is synonymous with Law of Karma. Everything is constantly changing. The water is always flowing down stream. The river is never the same moment to moment because it is different water molecules constantly deviating the landscape in different ways; in fact, everything is in a constant state of change: creation and destruction. As I stated, Heraclitus and Parmenides approached reality from the exact opposite way, but it was this quote that has taught me that I either change with things, or I repeat my behavior over and suffer.

With Heraclitus, the empirical universe is in a constant state of creation and destruction: That Heraclitean Flux, which I see in everything! It is with the Big Bang and the Big Crunch! It is with the stars and super nova explosions that destroy stars and create solar systems like ours! Our sun is a secondary star created from an explosion of a much larger star! Outer space itself is a vacuum where quantum particles like a proton and an anti-proton are constantly coming out of nothing, swinging around each other, then coming back together and alienating back into nothing! It is here on earth with the four seasons. We are born, we get old, and we die. I saw a picture of a pregnant lady on a stretcher in the war zone in Ukraine, so there is creation and destruction within creation and destruction! She had a baby she was creating in her belly but was being destroyed at the same time herself! Everything in the empirical world is temporary because of the Flux: creation and destruction! I see this as a law of science!

I was walking by a bar onetime, and I heard a lady say she was a scientist to a group of people.

I stopped, turned around, and butted in to ask, “A Scientist? Of what?” 

She responded, “Aging.” In a pompous arrogant way.

That is when I looked directly into her eyes and asked, “You mean that ten our every eleven cells in our bodies are nothing but bacteria?”

She responded, “Yeah!” in a very excited voice because she couldn’t believe anyone would know anything about it.

“And almost every cell in our bodies is replaced every seven years?”

She was shocked, “Yeah?!?”

That is when I point directly at her, staring right into her eyes and shouted, “Have you ever thought of asking who or what you truly are?!?”

Everyone in the whole group outside the bar busted up into laughter! Half started to walk into the bar shaking their heads, and she was giving a nervous laugh as she started to walk towards the street away from the crowd.

As they were all breaking up, I shouted a quote from a Vedantin, Nisargadatta Maharaj, that I made sure they could all hear, especially her, “The body is made of food! The mind is made of thought! See them as they are! Non-identity when natural and spontaneous is liberation! You need not know what you are! Enough to know what you are not! What you are you will never know, for every realization gives new dimensions to conquer!” I did all this following her just shaking my finger at her, but I forgot the most important line: “The unknown has no limits!”

I freaked them all out by questioning their reality! Even that scientist who, I guess, never gave much of a thought to who or what she truly was! She was so freaked out she hopped in the Porsche and sped away as fast as she could! So, I guess the Doctor’s answer to that question was: No! Our bodies are in this constant state of creation and destruction as well! With almost every cell being replaced by another cell our genes are constantly mutating throughout our lives! We are mostly bacteria, but we all claim that our bodies and our minds are one. We are constantly being recreated and destroyed!

I take my True Self as nothing but that Pure Consciousness that it talks about in the Vedas. It is this Pure Consciousness that I was trying to get the scientist to acknowledge what she was! She definitely did not look any younger than fifty to me! Yet, most of the cells in all our bodies is dying over and over, and we take ourselves as these bodies, which these ancient scriptures the Vedas points out we are not!

I am forty-seven now, and that means that almost every cell in my heart has died and been replace about 6.713285 times. Yet, if my heart dies, I die? Why do I take my thumb as my thumb? It has been replaced over and over and over!

Finding out what I truly am and looking within is what has gotten me to practice Vedanta today. Vedanta is a modern-day Neoplatonism, and Plato got all his inspiration from the pre-Socratics like Heraclitus and Parmenides. Vedanta is what Nisargadatta Maharaj is said to have practiced. Nisargadatta Maharaj was a modern-day Budda in the Himalayas. All the different forms of Hinduism I have explored go very well with modern science too, just like Neoplatonism does, and what I have come to believe is that religion and science are only mutually exclusive if someone is a fundamentalist.

To me, such concepts as Original Sin are nothing but a logical argument. The Book of Genesis, is not saying we are all inbreed descendants from two people, and the only reason anyone has dark skin is because they are offsprings of Cain. I heard an African American male make that argument in that Biological Anthropology course I took at CCSF. Nothing made me more uncomfortable than hearing an African American, in the year 2016, say, “the only reason anyone he has dark sink is because Cain killed his broth Able.” I was in shock, just like everyone else in the class! The teacher just politely changed the topic. I think even the professor knew he wouldn’t win that one! That boy didn’t stay long in that class anyways!

Original Sin, to me,just means we ate the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. It does not mean there was truly a piece of fruit with a tree. It is an allegory. It is a parable. So, why did we eat the this “forbidden fruit?” Because fruit tastes good. It is sweet.  Just like knowledge feels good, and all life is controlled by its desires. That is why Adam ate it after Eve because he had desire for Eve too! Just like Adam had a lust for Eve because that feels good! So, the argument of the “Garden of Eden” and the “forbidden Fruit” is just saying we rose from nature, and what separates us from nature, and causes every problem nature does not have is our intellect. It is nothing but a simple logical argument. Heraclitus made the same argument when he said the nature of man is evil because we can rationalize.

Original Sinis both a blessing and a curse. We create machines like cars and drive them. Discover lifesaving medications and treatments to live longer just out thinking natural selection. Fly to outer space and land on the moon, but our intellect also is what has caused things like global warming and nuclear weapons! The concept of money is nothing but a rational piece of imagination we all agree on that we all lust over and fight over. It is just a piece of paper, yet we use it for the exchange of goods and services for no other reason than we all want too.

I think Original Sin goes very well with a scientific theory called Fermi’s Paradox. Fermi’s Paradox is a scientific theory that the reason we have never been contacted by alien life is that all intelligent life ends up destroying itself through the changing of their atmosphere with fossil fuels. This is Global Warming.  Animals can’t do any of this, so they don’t have the consequences we have because of our intellect. Intelligence is both a blessing and a curse because it causes us so many joys and conflicts. So, the Bible makes sense when we take it as an allegory, but when we take the Bible literally, it is ridiculous! We would all be inbred from two people, which I have had fundamentalist tell me that we all are!

Heraclitus also believed that fire was the monad: the quantum particle which makes up all everything. This is quite synonymous with modern science and an Einsteinian universe where everything is made out of energy, because all fire is, is the release of energy through the rearranging of electrons. Heraclitus could tell everything was just this “energy,” just like Einstein proved in the Special Theory of Relativity because of the constant flux of the universe, and in Chapter VI Verse 41 in the Hindu Scripture: The Essence of Yogavasistha it shows how everything is made of energy too: “It is the energy of Consciousness in his bodies (physical, mental, ect), as well as the motionless (or potential) energy in a stone. It is also the energy of vibration in the winds and the energy of motion in the waters.” This is a Hindu scripture that goes every well with the special theory of E=MC2! Everything is nothing but energy! Even in these ancient scriptures, this energy rises from nothing but Consciousness, which goes extremely well in justifying how all quantum particles behave differently depending on just how they are observed! How else would a quantum particle know how to behave differently, unless it is conscious that it is being observed? Or something like Ghost Action, which is an instantaneous signal moving faster than the speed of light shifting the position of one quantum particle to another, just violating special relativity. How else could the movement of one quantum particle instantaneously affect another quantum particle on the other side of the universe without everything being interconnected through Consciousness?

Everything being nothing but this Loving Power of Consciousness also goes very well with who and what we all truly are! “The True Self Itself is that Pure Consciousness. That which nothing can be known in any way, and the same True Self Pure Consciousness is not different form the Ultimate Principal Brahman. Brahman is the only reality, since it is untinged by difference, the mark of ignorance, and the one thing that cannot be improved upon” Rgveda. To realize that everything is nothing but this Pure Loving Energy of Consciousness, is the awakening I am striving for, and we should all strive for! We are all just a projection within this Consciousness! Within this Cosmic Mind, or Nous, as Anaxagoras said who was another pre-Socratic philosopher.

This Pure Loving Consciousness is something that goes very well with the concepts of a non-dual because, as it stated in that quote from the Rgveda:“of which nothing can be known in anyway,” for as I pointed out everything has it opposite that can be detected with our senses. Well, modern science still can’t even prove what makes us conscious. This Consciousness is not detectable! Yet, we all have our experiences that validates this one apodictic quality: “Existence through Consciousness!” I have gotten to this state a couple times in deep meditation when I can drop my body and mind and just focus on that Being, that Empty Nothingness, which is all there truly is: Sunyam Sarvam! That Absolute Being is an experience I stive for daily. Not being my body or my mind, but just Consciousness! It is an experience I believe we can all get to with enough dedication and practice. That practice is shown to us in Chapter 6 of the Bhagavad-Gita through Trataka.

So, which one was right, Parmenides or Heraclitus? Is everything perfect Being, and this empirical world is just an image, or is this universe in a constant state of change and the only thing we have is our senses? Heraclitus believed in these paradoxes. Heraclitus thought “knowledge only defines what is not” like Plato writes in the end of the Theaetetus. There is a paradox in everything!

Even Socrates thought both Heraclitus and Parmenides had truth, for he looked into himself to find his answers, and explored the truth with the dialectic from Parmenides. I think both solutions are right as well, for the contradiction of truth is not just in Being and motion but in all physical phenomena. I love the ending of Plato’s Parmenides the most, and it is how I live my life, for it points out how there is an a-symmetry between contradiction and paradoxes when it comes to the empirical world. Because the empirical world is always in this Flux which is “illusory.” Not a complete illusion, but this empirical illusory world is this where the solutions to my insanities have been solved, when I respond to the pain of my consequences. It is in this empirical world that I relate all modern scientific theory to mysticism and find the answers to what I truly need through reflection: “Kown Thyself.”

One empiricist who truly believed in God was Einstein. Einstein rejected his own theory that he won the Nobel Prize for because he did not like paradoxes, and it violated his concept of God. Quantum gravity is a paradox, and everyone took Einstein as even crazy for trying to solve! We cannot even explain how matter came together after the Big Bang, or even after a supernova star explosion, because the electromagnetic effect and gravity work in opposite directions. The gravity is 1/1040 weaker than the electromagnetic effect! Gravity does not exist on a quantum level, so nothing should have ever come together in the first place using contradiction!

Another paradox with gravity is if gravity is such a universal force, then why are the galaxies not only expanding, but at an accelerated rate? The farther the galaxy is away from us, the faster it is moving away. This is shown to us by measuring the wavelength of light from the different galaxies. Gravity should be slowing everything down, not increasing an expansion faster than the speed of light, which is what seems to be happening. This also violates the Special Theory and General Theories of Relativity because matter can’t travel the speed of light according to Einstein.

This expansion of our space at an accelerated rate is called Dark Energy, and according to Einstein the speed of light remains constant at 299,792,485 meters a second. That speed cannot very according to Einstein. The only thing that changes with light is the wavelength. If a star is moving closer to us, or a galaxy, or even someone running towards me with a flashlight, the wavelength will shorten, but the speed the photons travel at remain constant. If the object is moving away from us, then the wavelength will get longer. Light is unlike any other object and is what makes the speed of light the only universal measuring sick we have that we can use across the whole universe according to Einstein! But our universe is expanding at an accelerated rate! Which we currently cannot explain with any true proof! There are some new theories, but they can’t be proven.  

We also need Dark Matter to keep all out galaxies rotating at the speeds they are using Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity. Dark Matter means the visible universe is only 4% of the matter that is in the universe! Dark Matter has not been proven yet. Dark Matter was gaining some steam for a while, but the opinions on it seem to be turning around! They are all just theories and assumptions to justify and explain empirical phenomena that we have no explanation for! We are all just searching to find things to believe in. We just want to be able to say that we can take things as “true.” I have found lots of doctors in philosophy and other sciences who do this too because not too many of us like to realize how uncertain this empirical world is! We all want things to believe in! Just like the fundamentalists, the Doctors want the impossible too: certainty in an uncertain world, and we all use some form of worship! Some just worship science!

Think of how many people believe in the atom without understanding the math or principles behind it. Most people don’t know what the Pauli Exclusion Principle is, or how there are different flavors of quarks and different masses of leptons. I am familiar with those terms, yet I don’t understand the mathematics behind all of them. That doesn’t stop me from believing in the atom. Because I take God as everything it has shown me that science and religion have three things in common: They both give me a reason, they both give me an explanation, and they both require faith! All those theories I mentioned above require faith!

All modern science stems from one place: Ancient Greek Mythology. Sure, taken literally it is quite crazy too, but there are lots of truths in all religions. Even Ancient Greek Mythology. Each Greek God was nothing but an empirical phenomenon of this universe and is just meant to explain things! They all had their exaggerated human character defects that caused all kinds of troubles as well, but they were allegories and parables just like any scripture, which means they were just like the Bible. The pre-Socratic philosophers got their inspiration from the poets, and modern science stems from Ancient Greek Philosophy, and we are all just looking for the same thing in this life. We all want a reason, explanation, and purpose for being here. We all use faith to achieve explanations if we are using science be us an atheist or a dogmatist! We all use faith!

Modern science is always making assumptions in order to come up with new theories to explain phenomena just like Dark Energy and Dark Matter. Einstein made the assumption that the speed of light remains constant for all observers. It is impossible assumption to prove that the speed of light remains constant. We would need to trace a photon of light from one end or our 93 billing observable light year universe to other and make sure that it never varied in speed in any way! That is an obvious test that cannot be performed!

It is also impossible to prove that time stops at infinite density of a black hole! No one can measure the center of a black hole! If you got sucked down, you wouldn’t survive an infinite density! The amazing thing about Einstein is he proved it all with his mind! So, Einstein used faith too! But it was that specific assumption that allowed for the best theory we have of gravity and motion that still holds to this day: The Special and General Theories of Relativity, and that assumption that the speed of light remains constant is nothing but an article of faith because it is impossible to prove!

One way to explain Dark Energy and the accelerated expansion of the universe I read once was that the speed of light doesn’t remain constant, but light loses energy over extremely long distances. Like billions and billions of lightyears. I was wondering if this could be the key to Einstein uniting the General Theory of Relativity with the electromagnetic effect? How do we know light isn’t retarded over long distances and is that not the problem with quantum gravity? Isn’t there too much energy for it to come together like I stated above? Or now do we know quantum particles don’t behave differently with gravity through direct and indirect observation, just like the electromagnetic effect? This would turn both Theories of Relativity on their heads!

My point is none of us truly know! All we have is speculation when it comes to the empirical world (Maya), and life requires faith whether you believe in God or not. I don’t deny the empirical world completely because my mind only develops by interacting with it, but Modern Science is always wrong! Especially when the scientist doesn’t acknowledge paradoxes! What Einstein should have acknowledged is that if motion is relative like he proved, and motion being relative means that perspective is always relative, along with an individual truth of the human mind, then, once again including duality: that everything existing having its opposites; therefore, all this means is that paradoxes are everywhere! These paradoxes and questions being everywhere shows me this life is always about learning, and learning is always about constantly admitting the mistakes in our beliefs so we can always get to better answers, which is what modern science is all about! Overthrowing one theory for another theory!

It is important to acknowledge that even when I take an experience as an empirical fact, I am still using faith. I have had times in my life where I saw and heard things that were not there. I have even talked to things that I now know weren’t there. This is why I have had reasons to doubt, not just my senses, but my sanity and rational mind as well. As I said it is not doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, but when I cannot question my sanity, or the conclusions my mind comes to, is where my insanity lies, and looking throughout world history and even the current news it seems to me that is the cause of the insanity of the rest of the world too! We all need to be able to question ourselves!

Not too many of us like to admit we are wrong, but with this doubt I have had the clarity to see that I need faith, and we all use faith. Faith has shown me what to take as a subjective reality: Faith and my innate perception, for that is all anyone has besides existence. Most people have a hard time questioning themselves. I have also seen for myself that it is the really crazy people that can’t question their own sanity as I pointed out in my chapter on Schizophrenia, and most “sane” people I have talked to have no ability to question their “sanity” or even the conclusions they come to; so, does this mean that most people aren’t any different than a lunatic because we all believe things that are not true and neither can question their sanity? So, what truly is the difference between a false belief and a delusion? Especially if someone has no ability to question themselves?

There is someone I know who struggled with sobriety for years. It was impossible for him to acknowledge that there was even such a thing as faith. He was someone who was raised by Jehovah’s Witnesses, and it made him hate everything about religion, and he refuses to see any truth in the aspects of God. He even told me Einstein’s theories were laws.

I pointed out to this man that Einstein spent the second half of his life trying to reconcile the Electromagnetic Effect and General Relativity and he couldn’t. Gravity is a paradox on a quantum level, and everyone took Einstein as even crazy for trying to reconcile it. It was Wolfgang Pauli told Eistein at a global level, “That is a solution that is better left up to God!”

This guy believed in the greatness of Einstein, who was truly great! Yet, he refuses to acknowledge the fact that he was using faith constantly! He couldn’t even do a geometrical tensor, which is necessary to understand the General Theory of Relativity, yet he calls Einstein’s theories laws. That was also why this ex-Jehovah’s Witness called it a law because he didn’t understand it! It was nothing but faith for him too! Yet, he refuses to acknowledge the word faith!

I had the same problem that man had for years. I was surrounded by fundamentalists at Discovery Academy in Provo Utah, who all thought they were doing the right thing, yet they were just making my life a living hell. I had been sent to that school Discovery Academy because I was abused and flipped out because of that abuse. Their fundamentalist beliefs just made me a million times worse than I already was, and every kid I have talked to from the place all told me the same thing! That is what the survivor communities are online. Adults that got locked up as children in detentionary boarding schools in places like Utah. Discovery Academy only made them much, much worse!

Those kids at Discovery Academy all also told me that the Doctor had them on all the wrong medications with the wrong diagnoses too when I talked to them years later! It was not just me! So, I understood what this ex-Jehovah’s Witness was going through. Discovery Academy just made me hate God more than anything because none of us kids who were locked up there were Mormon except one. We were all being abused with isolation and bad medical treatment, and they would not stop trying to convert all of us to their religious beliefs at the same time. We all hated anything to do with that Church except one student who converted. His last name was Jones, so we all called him Jesus Jones!

But, if that guy who was raised by the Jehovah’s Witnesses understood anything about Einstein, all Einstein’s theories would still be theories that needs to be proven false and overthrown for better theories! Just like all other theories! His faith is in science, just like the assumption that Einstein made about the speed of light being constant! Science using faith was something my first philosophy professor William Graves taught me.

That ex-Jehovah’s Witness, who couldn’t stay sober, was sure he had all the answers, and I would say to him if he truly did, he’d be both happy and sober. He died from fentanyl. He had no ability to admit he did not have the answers, yet he was always asking for help. He was just as narrow-minded as the people who he condemned. Just like I was, and just like so many of us are. It is what drove me so nuts during my whole drug and alcohol abuse too! I could not admit I did not have the answers, and I could barely read at the time too!

When it comes to truth of the empirical world, all I have is conjecture. As long as I have an open mind, then I can find answers. When I first defined God, I called it: “Everything I Did Not Know and Did Not Understand.” This way I could learn. I just proved above, none of us know anything that is apodictic except “I Am.” Those words: “I Don’t Know” has turned into everything including myself. “I Don’t Know” are the only words that are able to honestly answer every question that is presented in front of each one of us except “I Am.” I take “I Don’t Know” as a provable definition of God because God has all the answer and “I Don’t Know” can honestly answer every equation except “I Am.” Being able to answer every question is something only God can do. I met a professor who had a PhD in theology who said my definition was very Socratic.

My life is all about admitting when I do not know just as Socrates taught: “The only thing I know, is I know nothing.” The whole point is none of us know much in this world of relativity and duality because of paradox after paradox after paradox! If I want this empirical world (Maya) to be perfect, I just need to acknowledge it is nothing but my perfect teacher! I need absolute acceptance that everything is the way it is meant to be through the Law of Karma: causality. I need this absolute radical acceptance that I am here just to change for the better! It does not matter what anyone else does! I am still working on this idea to this day because that is all it is for me! A perfect ideal, just like all dogma that is not taken literally! I need to change to adapt to it, or I suffer. I believe this is the essence of all our plights that each of us are in the center of in my metaphysical theory!

To me it is in the lessons of life that we all can find happiness, and that is why discord is a necessity. It is the pain of our consequences, and learning from that pain, that will lead us all to happiness. That pain has taught me a provable definition of God, the words “I Don’t Know,” but if you want awareness without being beaten into it, then sit in silence and meditate.

I have found the best way in my chapter on ADHD, and it is the cornerstone of my psychiatric health. Remember, awareness is the greatest virtue because the recognition of a problem is the first step in anything. Without awareness nothing changes for the better, and you can either be beaten into it, or seek it on a daily basis through silent meditation. Someone told me once that “I pray for a lower tolerance of pain because that is the only reason I change for the better.” I still use that as my guiding prayer to this day. Responding gently to my consequences instead of suffering.

So, it is important to note that God is provable depending on how you define it! This is what got me into jnana yoga. The God of the Rgveda is also a provable definition of God! It is nothing but A Loving Consciousness, and every experience I have validates one thing over and over no matter what those experiences are: I am a Conscious Being! All of your experiences validate that you are conscious. What those experiences truly are, are all subject to doubt, but each and every single one of them proves existence through Consciousness! All these experiences are just projections in the Cosmic Mind. These projections validate one thing: Consciousness. As Nisargadatta Maharaj says in the book I Am That,“as every taste of salt pervades the great ocean, and every drop of seawater carries the same flavor, so every experience gives me the touch of reality. The ever-fresh realization of my own being.” God is nothing but A Loving Consciousness in the Vedic Scriptures! Our Egos are just His dreams!

If one sits in silence and focuses just on the words “I am,” they can get to the point where they can slowly stop thinking, and when you are able to drop your mind completely, you can experience the perfection within you, which is Simple, Immutable, Perfect, and Complete. That Sat-Chit-Ananda, which is Sanskrit for Being, Consciousness, Bliss. Besides those descriptions God is Ineffable. It is ineffable because it is non-dual. It is something they say that can only be experienced through the thinning of the mind which is laid out in ancient scriptures.

But is there a God? And does this life have any mean? These are questions, like Parmenides said, are truly only answered in one place: “everyone runs away from death; therefore, they run away from the truth.” It is only in death that I truly find out if this life means anything or not. If I die and I exist, then there is a reason and a purpose to this existence. If I die and I don’t, then that is my answer, but as of now having a provable definition of God, that is Socratic and scientific, which has led to a happy life, has been a wonderful purpose to my life.

I am someone who has tried killing myself more times than I can count, and today because of my belief system, I am a very happy person who is seeking answers. I am also extremely stable and employable, which I was not at one time in my life. I have been on almost every psych medication in the PDR at one time and I have meditated my way of lots of them. Today I unite science and religion to be able to succeed in my life. I have found happiness, not by getting everything I want, but by looking within myself today to find answers, and by finding those answers I have found God!

Remember God is just a word, and language is relative as well. The same words mean different things to different people. Some people take God as a white male in the sky with a long white beard. I don’t hold to that literal interpretation, for that interpretation is more making God in our image, not God making us in Its. That definition just leads to conflict and insanity. In this essay, I prove God in two ways: “I don’t know” and “Consciousness.”

“Consciousness” is how all the mystics of all religions define God. It is in the Jewish scripture of the Kabbala. Ibn al-Arabi defined God this way with Sufi Mysticism, which is nothing but a combination of Hinduism and Islamic beliefs. Something lot of modern-day Buddhists refuse to acknowledge is the Buddha was nothing but a Hindu. All this concepts such and pleasure and pain, selfish desires being the main cause of all the suffering, and Atman and Brahman are all Vedic concepts that come out of the Vedas. The Buddhists and the Hindus are talking about the same thing. One calls it God. The other says it is everything and all powerful but refuses to use the word God, because on the topic of God, the Buddha remained silent, but the Buddha was not a nihilist. When someone mentioned the term God, the Buddha just didn’t say anything, yet they are both, Hinduism and Buddhism, talking about the same thing: Consciousness. Using different words to define the same thing differently is nothing but language relativity. One says it is all powerful but there is no such thing as God, and the other says it is all powerful calls it God.  

There is a spiritual question that I realized I needed to ask myself: If God is everything, and everything is Consciousness, then why is it that I am always wanting more if every experience validates one thing: that I am a conscious being; therefore, a part of God. That should give me enough to be grateful for anything in my life! This Sat-Chit-Ananda is there for anyone to experience, and every experience validates it! Just be willing to learn and question everything! Look for your certainty in only one thing: I Am, or I Am Nothing. Not nothing as in nothing, but Nothing as neither this body of this mind. Nothing as in no thing: Sunyam Sarvam. Just that Non-Dual Consciousness! Don’t look for a literal interpretation of a scripture because that is nothing but fear! Fundamentalism is about the impossible: certainty in an uncertain world! So just be willing to say, “I Don’t know,” and acknowledge only one thing that validates everything: A Loving Consciousness! This is the only thing that has led to my stability and happiness! The Consciousness within us all! I am still searching because I am not truly “Awake” yet!

Buy the book in the link below

A GLIMMER OF HOPE

Buy the whole book The Shadowed Soul with a chapter on how I’ve overcome ADHD, Dyslexia, Suicidal Depression, PSTD and Anxiety, Schizophrenia and Bipolar, Epilepsy and Autism, Brain Damage and Digital Dementia and the Retardation of Thoughts in the link below:

Chapter 2: A GLIMMER OF HOPE

Going in and out of the rooms of recovery, from meeting to meeting, and treatment center to treatment center, without staying sober was the way my life was for a long time. I just had no ability to surrender. I had no ability, just like most of us, to see what I was truly thinking in anyway. It was interesting because the one thing I always did was walk back into the rooms of recovery, and I truly hated anything to do with God because of being locked up in that detentionary boarding school where I wrote all this poetry, I open the book with.

The one thing I could never give my life up to was God. I was locked up in a Discovery Academy, in the middle of Provo Utah, for three years. Discovery Academy was a one-year program which was meant for trouble privileged kids who came from disfunction, and none of their parent knew what to do with them. The only thing they did constantly was try and convert all of us to the Mormon way of life, and none of the kids came from a Mormon family except one. She was a daughter of one of the teachers who taught there.

They tried as hard as they could to convert all of us to see “their light.” The fundamentalist in Utah only achieve one thing with all the kids there except one: David Jones. We all picked on him and called him Jesus Jones the whole time he was there. The Mormons got us all to hate God, or anything to do with God, with all our passions in our hearts. I showed how they made me feel about God in the poem Let Me Be. The only thing that school really made me was angrier than I already was, and worse than I already was in every single way. I was abused hard, and at the school I only perfected my Oppositional Defiance Disorder with their fundamentalist guidance.

Oppositional Defiance Disorder is a disorder kids with autism and severe Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD, are known to get, which means anyone, in any authority situation whatsoever, they would stand up too! That place made my life so much worse than already I was then before I was sent there. I was sent to Discovery Academy because the first psych-ward I was locked up in, for signs of suicidal tendencies, let me go without any recommendations. My mother did not know what to do with me, so she found this Hell Hole in the middle of Provo Utah.

Today I see my mother had no choice, so I do not resent her in any way for it, or anything I went through as a child. If it wasn’t for my mother, I doubt I would have the capacity to be as loving a person as I can be. I was just an extremely sensitive person, who still too this day takes everything personally, and was abused by my father. I was completely out of control when I was a little kid, but because of Discovery Academy, and the fundamentalists that tried to force their way of life on us all, my biggest problem, when it came to the circles of recovery, was God! For years after I left that place whenever I heard the word “God” anger was the only emotion I would express!

One night I was at an old Episcopal Church at Bush and Gough in San Francisco right before a meeting and I just said the words to myself: “I don’t know?” It was interesting because I had never really said those words about too much of anything before. I thought about it right as I said it, and at that moment those words, “I don’t know?” became my Higher Power. To say I did not know was the beginning of a true solution because once I said those words, I started to stay sober. I had a professor, who was had a PHD in theology at SFSU, years later tell me my definition of God is very Socratic. It has been interesting to me that since opening my mind with those words, I have found my God in the Ancient world both Greece and India.

I did a lot of soul searching in the rooms of recovery, and finally got sober after trying for 8 years without much success, but I had a dream of doing more. I had a dream of getting off SSDI. I hated government assistance. I wanted to be somebody, not just an empty soul powerless under the hands of society who was not able to have a life because anyone with that limited income has a hard time living life to the fullest in America. I knew if I was going to amount to anything, I would need to be able to go to school, and if I went to school, I had to be able to read. All the kids I have talked to on Facebook, or in person, that went to Discovery Academy were traumatized by Discovery Academy, and most couldn’t even read when they “Graduated” that high school, which we all did, unless we were sent somewhere worse. I was able to graduate from Discovery Academy High School with a third-grade reading level just like every other kid that was sent there.

It was only by pushing myself to read as much as I could, every day, with a lot of literature I could not even comprehend, that got me into college. With all of my learning disabilities, it was not just about understanding the words and the phonics but comprehending what was on the page too. My ADHD was more difficult than my dyslexia in my opinion, because once I could sound out the words, I still had a harder time focusing on the page and absorbing the content I was reading. None of the ADHD medications worked for me whatsoever, so I just had to continue to try as hard as I could to be able to understand what I was reading. It was crazy because I would be reading a book and not even be aware that I was not paying attention to the words. I’d be reading and a word would trigger a different thought, so I would be thinking of something completely different than what I was reading. I would just wake up somewhere else in the book on a different page and realize I could not comprehend anything I was reading. I was not even be able to remember, or processes, much of what was on the page. With all of this I just pushed ahead and read as much as I possibly could every day. I read 100 pages of Immanual Kant one day when I first began reading, and the only thing I really got out of the book was the Latin phrase a priori, which just means: before the fact.

When I beginning to read daily, I found a great book: Greek Thought, and the Origins of the Scientific Sprit, by Leon Robin. I loved the way this book was written because I could comprehend phrases, and snippets of literature that were just a couple of sentences, which sounded poetically beautiful. Poetic beauty was what Leon Robin took from the Ancient Greek philosophers. It was so creative and well-constructed. It is an older book, so the style is much different than the modern literature, but those are the authors I tend to like the most because the philosophy of the older literature is poetic.

This book has turned out to be my favorite book. I have read it many times, and even spending time committing pages of it to memory because I loved it so much. The Section on Heraclitus the most! It is this book that got me to memorize quotes and phrases from other books as well. Because of this book I love to find creative aphorism within them and commit them to memory, and then share them with other people when I am giving a speech at the toastmasters, a radio show, or speaking for college professors. It was also this book that inspired me to go from an accounting major to a philosophy major.

There is a line in this book which spoke to me more than any other. Robin says how Plotinus, the first of the Neoplatonists, wrote, “After rising from the Ego to the One, I now find the Ego once more, and in that Ego the Infinite One if I wish, but if I turn from it to determine my own domain and give myself the illusion of independence, then I become only a part, isolated from the Whole and am truly reduced to slavery.” It sounded so cool when I read it, and it took me a little while to truly understand all of it, but what that saying means is: I go from myself up to God, and in myself I find God, and God finds Himself in me. I am One and identical with God if I have the clarity to see who I truly am and depend on God completely, but if I turn away from God, to get some type of self-independence, which I might think would make me special and unique, then I have done the wrong thing. Breaking away from God makes it that I have lost who I truly am. Because when I take myself as any different, unique, or independent from God, instead of being One with God, and relying on God completely, is where all my troubles lie. Relying on God completely is what I am meant to learn how to do in this lifetime. Being true and special is to be One with God and taking God and Everything! To be One with God, is to be a God, which is identity-in-difference. The Neoplatonists were qualified-nondualists, AKA identity-in-difference, and Neoplatonists and Vishishtadvaita Vedanta, which are my spiritual practices today, have lots in common. They both came to a lot of the same conclusions and are qualified non-dualist, or identity-in-difference. Vedanta is just a religion practiced in the modern day of India, but what they practice is: we are all One with God and God is Everything.

It was those words which spoke to me so clearly. Even when I did not completely comprehend them, they just sounded so beautiful and pulled me right in. What these creative words did for me was make me want to seek the truth! Even when I did not understand them completely, I enjoyed spending my time doing my best to figure them out. I just got a mystical feeling form them, and they pulled me in. It was this mystical feeling which made me do research on Neoplatonism. It was that research that made me a Neoplatonist and convinced me Plato was my prophet in the West. Especially because so many of the conclusions I came to on my own were already in the Platonic and Neoplatonic texts. This goes with Plato saying how the soul has always existed; therefore, the soul has already seen everything: Anamnesis, which are numerical truths exist within us all.

If any of us want the answers to anything, just look within. Not just Anamnesis but Platonic Forms, which are the truths, that everything in an image of in this empirical universe, are within us all. This is why we are all fallen Gods trapped in human flesh. All the research I have done has shown me this because I am always coming across other’s writing which reveals others have already come to my conclusions as well. My conclusions, which I thought were original, have already been revealed by all the other souls in history. These revelations are just universal truths within all of us. These are the platonic concepts of Forms and Anamnesis.

Because I was reading so much, once I got an iPhone, I always went to iBook’s in order to download more books. They had a lot of books with expired copy writes for free there. This is where I found the book An Essay on the Beautiful, by Plotinus, which has been translated by Thomas Taylor and John M. Watkins.

There was also another book I read in my English 1B class at the Community College of San Francisco, which had to be the best fiction book of the 20th Century in my opinion. That book was Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. This book spoke to me clearly as well, so I related them both to my life, and I saw the truths in myself from a book, which was meant for an African American audience: Invisible Man, and I united it with the Platonic truths in An Essay of the Beautiful. Both these books were protreptic to me.

The etymology of this word in Latin comes from the word protepticus, which means something that is encouraging. In Greek the word would be protreptikos, which comes from another word protrepein. Protrepein in Greek means to turn forward and urge on. Protreptic in English describes an utterance, or a speech, that is designed to instruct and persuade. A moral instruction is what I would call both An Essay on the Beautiful and Invisible Man. It is writers like these, Plotinus and Ralph Ellison, that got me to see my true nature, let go of the past, and continue to strive for the better.

Plotinus teaches that the Soul is innately good, and it is in the search for truth that its goodness is revealed. In Invisible Man, Ellison writes about an African American in the South during segregation who is struggling to find purpose and the goodness within himself. The Invisible Man’s mistake throughout the book is he is in a constant conflict with himself. What he is conflicted about is his self-worth. He constantly tries to get self-worth through the approval of others. I am not African American, but anyone should be able to relate to seeking approval from others. In my chapters on depression, anxiety, psychosis I show how too much of what we all come to think about ourselves, and how we all tend to identify, is what we think others think of us when none of us can even prove others have minds let alone what they are thinking! Sounds quite psychotic when we look at our sense of self in that way, but from what I have seen, everyone cares too much what they think the people they meet in this world think about them. This self-identity and struggle are something all humans go through and is what the ridiculous theory of race is based on, which is the main theme of Invisible Man

The approval from others is what caused most of my problems as a child as well. That is what my Oppositional Defiance Disorder was about. I could not get any positive attention and approval growing up, but I was extremely good at negative attention. Just like everyone else, my adolescent shaped the early years of my adult life.

In the Invisible Man, when the Invisible Man gets to the goal of finding out who he truly is, then he is free and no longer depends upon other people to prove he is a good and worthy person. For a large part of my life, I was in as much fear as the Invisible Man. When I finally was able to have a purpose and self-worth, I was able to let most of the fear in my life go. That fear was what was controlling me, so when I let the fear go, I was able to educate myself and started on the road to a solution and happiness. Letting go of fear, and a self-identity based on the imagination of others, was Invisible Man’s solution as well.

          There’s education in the writing of Plotinus too. Plotinus writes, “Thus proceeding in the right way of Beauty he will first ascend into the region of Intellect, contemplating every fair species, the Beauty of which he will perceive to be no other than Ideas themselves; for all things are beautiful by the supervening irradiations of these, because they are offspring and essence of Intellect.” This tells how the soul is innately good, and the way to have that realization is to use the Intellect within us all to access and see that goodness. We use this Intellect to see the answers within us all. This is for everyone. That Beauty Plotinus writes about is God, and everyone at their core is a God in themselves. We are all worthy, and there is a loving purpose for all of us. We just need to look inward to find all the answers.

To be able to see the truth is the main point of anyone’s life in my opinion. The only thing that stands in anyone’s way is their perception. The Beautiful is All and creates All, for this is what Plotinus is stating. “Supervening irradiations,” means to shine our goodness through. Shining our goodness through is the Intellect within ourselves revealing the answers. We are all meant to expose ourselves to the answer; not to expose ourselves to the thoughts of others like I did, and the Invisible Man did, but to looking within and seeing the Intellectual Principle that Plotinus writes about in the Enneads. It is the Intellectual Principle which leads to the One, the Beautiful, and the Good. Those are the only three words which can describe our Maker according to Plato because there are no other words which are just for God. To Plato God is ineffable, so veg words of Perfection is all anyone can say about God! Too Simple and Perfect for words!

          It is this search for who he is that makes the mind of the Invisible Man so cloudy at the beginning. In the first chapter he ends with a speech that is quite amazing and ardent. He first gets beaten to the ground, then he picks himself up and puts forth wonderful words that dictate his goals with blood dripping down his neck and in his throat. It starts out, “We of the younger generation extol the wisdom of that great leader and educator.” These words here give the premise for his goal throughout the book. That goal is to seek an education. Like Plotinus he knows it is his Intellect that is the objective of his happiness. Invisible Man is intelligent, and he exposes this in each one of his speeches. His flaw is that he is looking for the approval of people whose disposition is to look down upon him for the color of his skin. He is looking for white men’s approval in the South. This is nothing but insanity because none of them will ever give it to him because he is an African American.

As I stated, I am a white man, but I constantly made the mistake of basing who I was on what others were thinking of me too. I have noticed this because just like Invisible Man, I had a way with words too, yet my gift with words was more about judgement. I could always see what was wrong with people and cut them down, but it was nothing but a sense of inferiority that I was blind to. It was my childhood which encouraged this behavior in me. It was my father, and then it was perfected with the trauma of Discovery Academy, which perfected this skill! This “skill” was nothing but a defense mechanism and was the cause of all of my difficulties in my life for a very long time. This fear of what my family thought, lead to the fear of what the rest of the world thought, especially those kids at Discovery Academy, who were already angry too! That all spun into anger and chaos for years! It was this anger and chaos that got me to try and kill myself me more times than I can count after I graduated from Discovery Academy! This fear and anger got me to get in fights every night for a year straight in San Francisco and I did not even win one! This fear and anger got me to get arrested over and over! This fear and anger got me to use every drug there was! This fear and anger got me in and out of every psych ward in San Francisco more times than I can possibly imagine! It was only to try and find the answers, find out who I truly am, and what I truly “Do Not Know” that got me to the goal of turning my life around. Turning his life around is what Invisible Man does too! But, Invisible Man is seeking approval from everyone which means he is consumed with what others are thinking of him too! This constant seeking of approval leads to all the conflict in Invisible Man’s life. Invisible Man is extremely talented. He has an amazing talent of speech most could never even dream of having, but he puts a limit on himself through needing the recognition of others! It is a limit he puts on himself, just like I did, and just we all do at one time in our lives when it comes to our identity and how we define ourselves! Everywhere in my life I have seen how we all do this to varying degrees. I only know this because I have never met anyone I could not make angry with what I said to them. Lots of these people I did not even know or would never see again! Yet they all cared what I said to them! Why would anyone care what a crazy little angry stranger had to say to them, but one night when I was arrested in a drunk tank, I had everyone in all the other cells screaming at me! Why would the other prisoners care? Why would the cops care? It made no sense to care what a crazy angry drunk person was saying in a different cell, but all of humanity struggles with what we think others think of us because we survive in tribes, groups, cities, and societies! We survive together, so we all struggle with this imaginary identity, and because the Invisible Man is so well written anyone should be able to relate to this struggle of identity if they can put their own ignorance and judgements aside on race and just look at the words of a beautifully written book!

There were always those ones who would scream at me, “I don’t care what you think!” That is when I would tell them: the only ones they are fooling are themselves. If someone does not care what another thinks, there is no need to tell them they do not care because if you tell someone you do not care, you are trying to prove a point, and if you are trying to prove a point you are trying to convince someone else of something. If you are trying to convince someone of something, you obviously care what they think! It’s a defense mechanism to say “I don’t care what you think!” A defense mechanism was my problem too, and so many of our problems no matter what the color of our skin. It was the fact I so desperately did care that had driven me crazy too just like Inviable Man, but it was this fear of people got me to lash out at all the people around me and ruin my life for years!

At the end of Invisible Man’s speech in the first chapter, he accidently utters the word “equality.” This word sends the white people almost into apoplexy, for they are all appalled that a Negro in the South during segregation would be trying to achieve equality. It is this misspoken word that tells what he is truly looking for. To be loved and appreciated and taken to be just as worth as anyone else is the main desire in anyone’s life if they can acknowledge it or not.

          I remember being young in grade school, and it was extremely difficult for me. Being a functional illiterate most of my adult life, it was these learning disorders that dominated both my purpose and existence. I remember being asked to read out loud in Holly Trinity, which was the name of my grade school I was at, and all of the terror that came with that. I was terrified because it all seemed so easy to the rest of the class. I felt horrible because the rest of them could seem to read so easily. It was the fear that others could do something that my brain was not permitted to do at the time. It was not that I did not want to learn. I did. I just did not have the ability to comprehend basic words that were on the page in front of me, and none of the teacher new how to help me with my complex brain. I could not process any of the words with my Dyslexia. I could not even sound too many of the words our or comprehend them once I did. I saw all the other kids do it and automatically I felt less than, and one of the words that I longed for in school was this “equality.” Or just belonging. Which is what the Invisible Man wants too. I just wanted this love and acceptance that we are all craving and misunderstanding. This Love of the One which we all truly are!

My father had his Doctorate in Organic Chemistry, and for his only son to be so terrible in school was the shame of the household. My father drilled it into my head how worthless I was because of it. My father abused me severely in lots of ways which is expressed in the poetry I open the book with, and the only thing my father could say to me when I asked him if there was anything he ever regretted about all the abuse was after he had left the house was, “I didn’t make you work harder because where you are in school right now.” With those words I snapped. Those words were the only thoughts he had of me in his mind! Those thoughts of worthlessness turned out to be the thoughts which perpetuated my cycle of insanity for years. The fear of what other people thought of me was what saturated my brain all throughout my early life. Then when I went from that psych-ward to Discovery Academy, my life was chaos for years because of this fear of people! This fear did not end until I used all my intellect to redirect the energy I had into finding a way to get an education. The education I always wanted.

          I have always wanted to learn; in fact, I found a lot of things fascinating that most people would probably take as boring, like math and physics. My hero was Einstein as a little kid, for he suffered from dyslexia as well, and some even speculated he was on the autism spectrum like me. Einstein did terrible in school and as a child had a nervous breakdown himself, but Einstein did not let it stop him. Einstein’s brain was even stolen after he died, and it kept at the Mutter Museum, and one of the things it shows is that it is a tiny bit smaller than the average brain, but Einstein went to a special school as a child, and they taught him to read a different way. It was based on picturing images when he read things.

I learned how to read as an adult at the age of 30 at a program called Linda Mood Bell. Linda Mood Bell functions off of picturing what one reads too, just like the how Einstein learned how to read. I would read a paragraph, then tell the tutor exactly what was in my mind. I would do this with as much detail as possible, even picture and describe things that were not in the text. Each paragraph was a different painting, and this was to train one’s brain to comprehend the words on the page.

I am different in lots of ways because of my brain, and one of the ways I am different is I do not think in pictures at all. I only think in words. This is a rare disorder called Aphantasia. This is why what Linda Mood Bell did for me was a bit different than with the other students that took the program. A was also on medications at the time I took their program which retarded my thinking. Those medications are necessary when someone is struggle with psychosis and mania, like I do, but even with those medications, the Linda Mood Bell program still drilled into my head was the phonics of the English language in an amazing way! I have read basically every day since then, and a lot of what I read was way above my reading level at the time, like Immanuel Kant, but this dedication and desire to learn, combined with the Linda Mood Bell program, got me to be able to read, and today I can read authors most people have no ability too. I just pushed myself as hard as I could because I wanted to learn, and I wanted most of all to be off of SSDI. It was not just the sciences I found interesting, for one of the dreams I had as a child was to be a writer. That is what the poems I opened the book with were all about.

When I was at Discovery Academy is when I wrote most of the poems I opened this book with. I told myself I wanted to be a writer someday when I was locked up there. I wanted to put my ideas on paper and try and communicate a good message to other people. I promised Heather Woods, the girl who drew the cover of this book, I would publish those poems with that cover someday when I left. I kept that promise.

It was when I finally got sober with those words “I don’t know” that people would always thank me when I shared from the floor in different 12 step meetings. They do not do that too often for anyone, but lots of people truly loved what I had to say once I started living in the solution. Like Invisible Man, I have always had a talent for words, but I was terrified, and I could not see that it was only fear that was controlling me. I could not acknowledge I was just basing my sense of self on what the others thought of me, just like Invisible Man did, just like we all do. We all want to be important. Ralph Waldo Emerson, not the Emerson in Invisible Man, but the one history is familiar with, said it best, “The most basic human desire is a need of importance.” That is all racism truly is. Racism is nothing but how important one person is compared to how important another person is based on something as artificial as the amount of vitamin D in the skin, which is all the color of anyone’s skin is!

The amazing thing is that 99.9% of all human DNA is identical, so genetically and even behaviorally speaking, race does not even exist! The theory of race is engrained in the human psyche to seek some type of meaning and importance in our lives. We all have that insanity of worrying about the world’s thinking just like the Invisible Man, and if you ask most people today, they tell you they believe in “race” when it does not even exist! Anthropology disproved the theory of race a long time ago, but people still believe in it to this day! This was Invisible Man; this was me. I was not discriminated with race, but I had a huge fear of people, just like Invisible Man, just like we all do, and just like Invisible Man and everyone else we all believe things that are not true! Having misbeliefs of the Empirical world and where we all fit into the society around us is an insanity all humanity struggles with!  Being wrong about the empirical world and having misjudgments is a difficulty we all suffer from! Ignorance is insanity as well when it is coupled with the pride of humanity! We just need to see that to be great is in all our natures, just like Plotinus writes. We are all identical with God! We are a piece of Him. When we take ourselves as separate, is when we truly suffer!

To search for my true Platonic nature is what got me to increase my reading comprehension. Linda Mood Bell was a great program for me because it got me to open the door to better reading skills. It is an amazing program that is about the neuroplasticity of the human brain and increasing oxygen flow to parts of the brain which are underdeveloped with people with learning disabilities have. I wish anyone with ADD, ADHD, dyslexia or autism could take it.

          Since I have been reading so much, I have been able to see how I love the way Plotinus writes An Essay on the Beautiful. “If, in this case, every lover of truth will only study a language for the purpose of procuring the wisdom it contains and will doubtless wish to make his native language the vehicle of it to others.” This line expresses the purpose of why anyone would want to be a writer of philosophy. To convince people not only of what the writer has been through, but to show a solution and truth that others can apply to their lives is the purpose of any philosophical writer. This is why one would strive for a career in writing and philosophy. I needed to learn how to read, and I needed to learn how to write, and learning is the only thing which has gotten me out of my disorders and into society instead of an endless cycle of psych wards and jail cells. It is this goal of learning, and being able to read and go to college, that got me to happiness. I was able to get an Associates in Business my BA in Philosophy and have taken several graduate courses as well. I have only paused to make more money because I am no longer on SSDI. I still work on learning every day, and to be a philosopher means you need to read more than any other major there is, which I do! It is not just simple text as well, but the most difficult of any text. The hardest reading there is, is in philosophy, and I have done it, and I love it! It was Linda Mood Bell made all the difference!

Invisible Man, after the Bloody Battle Royal in the first chapter, leaves with the gift of pursuing an education. One of the gentlemen who is in charge of his fate is an older white man called Emerson. Emerson says to Invisible Man, “Ambition is a wonderful force, but sometimes it can be blind.” This statement is the key to the Invisible Man’s suffering throughout the book. He wants to be important so badly, that he cannot see his true motivation. His motivation is fear. He does not pursue his education for the fact of pure knowledge. Invisible Manis very intelligent, yet having his own intellect is not enough for him. It is his battle, and it is a battle he cannot win. Instead of finding the Beauty in his Soul, for the fact of his Intellect, he is left chasing after something that he will never get: the approval of others.

          I myself am guilty of a lot of the same character defects that Invisible Mandisplays. I was given an IQ test as a kid because they thought I was so stupid, yet I scored a 124 which is in the top 5%. I have pages of books in my head just from listening to them before I could read. I have people’s bank account numbers and social security numbers in my head from just hearing people say it once. All from just listening to them. Hearing things was the only way I could memorize things, and knowing I have this talent is not enough. I have an ego. My ego tells me to show people all the time what I can do. That is why, even being a white male, I can identify with Invisible Man. This is what makes Ellison such a great writer.

When any person can relate to the story, the writer will know they have succeeded, especially when someone that the book was not even intended for can relate because this book was written for the African American plight, but even as a privileged white person, I could relate. It is like the African American feminist Maya Angelo said, “We are more alike than unalike. Nothing human can be alien to me.” Approval is a disgusting word, for it can blind my actions just like the ambitions of Invisible Man, just like the actions of all of us. Approval is based on attention. When all I seek is attention, I know I am living in fear. Fear is the enemy of the truth, and I have seen every person in my life seek this in some way because of our humanity and our surviving together.

          Plotinus writes about a black blanket of fog that shadows the truth as well. “Though the mischief arising from the study of words is prodigious, we must not consider it as the only cause of darkening the splendours of Truth, and obstructing the free diffusion of her light.” With this passage it tells there are those who do not speak the truth, and even write words that are based in error. It is up to the Soul to see the Ultimate Truth. For perception is enhanced and clarified only through trial and error. To make the judgment of what one would want to believe in. When someone speaks with words of anger and vitriol, it is up to another to see if it does hold true for them. When Plotinus argues the nature of the Soul to be Good, that tells me that if I look with persistence, I will see the truth. That truth will be what brings happiness and freedom.

It is also in a cloud of lies that a man called Brother Jack tries to use the talents of Invisible Man, so he can get his way. Brother Jack asks the Invisible Man, “How would you like to be the next Booker T. Washington?” Booker T. Washington was a true historical figure. An African American who lived in the South from April 5th 1856 to November 14th 1915. He was a person of history who bowed down to the white establishment in the South for his own benefit. The white people wanted this because Booker T. Washington was able to get the other African Americans to be more subservient to the white power. It is in these words of deceit that Brother Jack is trying to entice Invisible Man with the reward of recognition that he has been looking for. Brother Jack is offering him what he’s always wanted, which is status and recognition. Yet he is doing it, not for the welfare of Invisible Man, but so he will have more control over other African Americans. This is a falsehood, and it is the same “darkening of the truth” that Plotinus writes about.

I have had others tell me to live in ways that I came to see as fake as well. People in recovery have told me that “I can’t think my way into right acting, I can only act my way into right thinking.” Or “Why? is not a spiritual question.” This seemed to be nothing but a justification of their ignorance to me. It was a brainwashing for one’s actions. I understand what they mean by this. It tells me that I am to do what is right, and not always trust my thinking. When I do what is right, that will make me happy. To live in a solution, is what the truth is all about.

The problem with “I cannot think my way into right acting, I can only act my way into right thinking” is all action is based in thought, which I prove in The Power of Inaction. When I have clarity of mind and see all my thoughts clearly, I can see I have conflicting thoughts and emotions, just like Invisible Man. The thoughts and emotions can be in conflict, but only with clarity of our thoughts do any of us take the right action. This is the most powerful aspect of Ellison’s writing. Ellison writes about a dichotomy in everything that Invisible Manexperienced. Invisible Man goes from triumph to tragedy all in one sentence, which shows a true artist. I have those thoughts that I am either going to pass all my classes with honors and win the Nobel Prize, or I will not amount to anything! This is the main reason I related to Invisible Manso much. It is a powerful lesson to learn. That lesson is that the right “choices” are up to me and my Soul, which has been blessed with Beauty according to Plato, just like every other Soul. To see the Truth and make the right choice is a good purpose.

When it comes to “Why? is not a spiritual question” they are just saying they don’t have the answer. So, then they are telling you because they can’t figure it out, don’t ask the question. That in itself only perpetuates the ignorance. If we say you can never ask a question and the answer comes along, no one would be able to recognize the answer. Just say the words “I Don’t Know?” and then, if the answer comes you can be open to that solution and truth.  

It is with this keen sight of truth that Plotinus writes, “Let us quit the study of particulars, for that which is general and comprehensive, and through this learn to see and recognize whatever exists.” This shows the truth available to all! If any of us can put aside all judgment, and take a comprehensive look at everything, we will find any answers we need. Misery is unlocked with the ability to see and accept what is True. All solutions are within everyone’s grasp, and as long as we all try, the answers will become apparent to all of us. Satisfaction is that life is about learning, and “responsibility rests upon recognition” like Professor Bell would always say in my English 1B class at CCSF. Getting answers is the essence of what Plotinus means when he says the Soul is Beautiful. It is in the Beauty where the answers lie.

The truth is revealed to Invisible Man at the end as well, for he asks himself “Why should an old slave use a phrase as, this and this or this has made me more human, as I did in my speech?” This is the truth that Invisible Man comes to recognize at the end, and it is a question which is all about “why?” He is Human, and he does not need to rely on the validation of a third party to be his truth. Every error he made throughout the book led him to the point of finding his self-worth. He is worth enough for being who he is. He has a Soul just like Plotinus and any other white man. He is able to see the truth just like we all can. The truth was there for him at the end because he kept looking, and when he found out who he truly was he found the happiness in himself.

It is in the words: “I don’t know” that I define my higher power. I do believe all of my answers are within me, and to continue to look each and every day with meditation. All of the answers for the universe are within us all. As long as we can learn and look for the truth, we can be happy, but admitting we do not know, and always being able to search for another answer is where one finds happiness. Anyone can be happy when they comprehend reality. Finding the truth in every experience, and when we learn from any situation, no matter what the tragedy or reward, using the words “I don’t know” is what led me to my rewards! I am arguing it will for you too in this book, and all our brains have a neuroplasticity that needs to grow and develop throughout all our lives.

This learning is what got me into the different forms of Hinduism as well, because Hinduism goes very well with modern science, and is all about seeking the Truth. Gandhi said, “I am a passionate seeker of the truth which is just another name for God.” It is in the seeking of the truth that all of the answers to life will be found. We can always be grateful as long as we learn from the struggles we go through. I have struggled with lots of things, not only learning disabilities, but I have a rare organic brain disorder which gives me the aspects of eight different brain disorders without fitting one stereo type, and to have each of these struggles is an experience and an opportunity to grow and learn. This book that I have written is about the neuroplasticity of the human brain and how similar we all are. I was inspired by the Linda Mood Bell program and their conclusions of neuroplasticity. This means none of us are born with an IQ and we can all get our brains to develop throughout our lives at any age. The effort I put in is a daily effort to overcome my “eight” brain disorders. I show how similar I am to everyone else in the chapter The Power of Inaction, so if anyone is struggling, my hope is they can overcome their mental difficulties by exercising and training their brains daily, just like the Linda Mood Bell taught me with reading.

I, and everyone else, can only learn through experience. Like in An Essay on the Beautiful and Invisible Man we can find the Truth as long as we will always question and never give up looking into ourselves and letting the light of our Souls shine through. Having the ability to read such reflective and protreptic words of writers such as these was necessary for me, so thank you Linda Mood Bell. Linda Mood Bell made it so I was able to get an education. Reading is a wonderful tool that is necessary for learning the lessons in these two amazing books: An Essay on the Beautiful and Invisible Man, and the only secret to life there is for any of us is the desire learn!


read the rest of this book at the link below:

ANY RELIGION CAN BE A USEFUL TOOL TO AVOID THE VERTIGO

            In the Essay Virtue and Reason, by John McDowell, McDowell argues in favor of Neo-Aristotelian Virtue ethics. McDowell’s conclusion to this paper is: “But the thesis of uncodifiability excludes a head-on approach to the question whose urgency gives ethics its interest. Occasion by occasion, one knows what to do, if one does, not by applying universal principles but by being a certain kind of person: one who sees a situation in a certain distinctive way. And there is no dislodging, from the central position they occupy in the ethical reflection of Plato and Aristotle, questions about the nature and (hardly discussed in this paper) the acquisition of virtues” (McDowell P347). What this is saying that the actions a virtuous person takes is not codifiable. There are not universal principles that one can apply to every situation because all situations are unique and there will always be times where there is an exception to what should be done according to the principle. The virtuous person knows what to do not by following a code of conduct, such as Platonic numerology, or a code of conduct that one could say applies to all situations. One knows how to be virtuous by the possession of concepts and sensitivities that are understood by the virtuous person, and they know how to apply them in all situations (McDowell P 333). McDowell also goes on to explain that the virtuous person does not have individual sensitivities, but an understanding of all these concepts in a universal way that allows them to be a virtuous person in every circumstance.

            As Rosalind Hursthouse states in What does the Aristotelian Phronimos Know?, which is a reinforcement of McDowell’s essay, the Phronimos is the peripatetic that has Phronesis. Phronesis is informed judgement or practical reasoning according to Hursthouse (Hursthouse P38). The Phronimos is the practically wise person according to Hursthouse, and  Hursthouse reinforces the argument that virtue is not codifiable.

            One of the things that McDowell points out in his essay is how we all do things to avoid a “vertigo.” McDowell gives Stanley Cavell credit on the definition of what this vertigo is. McDowell explains how the avoidance of this vertigo is nothing but the fact that humans, when they interact with each other, agree on universal concepts (McDowell P339), and McDowell goes on to explain that there is nothing that will ensure that this will happen. We all agree on universal principles and concepts so we can continue to communicate and interact with each other and achieve things: “induced by the thought that there is nothing but shared forms of life to keep us, as it were, on the rails” (McDowell P339). What McDowell is saying here is that we want some type of stability. That is what staying on the rails is about and the shared forms of life is the humanity in us all. But if we did not agree on these universal concepts then there would be no stability, and it is a concept that is both simple and almost impossible to grasp as McDowell explains. If we do not agree on universals, that only have meaning because we say they do, we would not really be able to achieve anything, and that is why: “we recoil from the vertigo into the idea that we are kept on the rails by our grasp of concepts” (McDowell P339).

            Humanity has a desire for stability. Without a grasp of universal concepts there would be no stability; therefore, nothing but a vertigo. Humanity cannot live in a state of vertigo, so we agree on universal rational principles that allow us to have some type of stability. These universal rational principles are what the example Platonic Forms and the concept of Plato’s Good is. McDowell’s objection to the Platonic Forms and the Good, is that they do not truly exist. We just rely on them to avoid the vertigo, but this is what all belief systems do, and we do need to avoid the vertigo, so what is the difference if they truly exist or not, as long as they are the useful tool we need in our minds?

            McDowell is an empiricist, and with empiricism the empirical world is explored through falsifiability. In the essay Theology & Falsification: A Symposium, which was written by A Flew, R M Hare, and B Mitchell,Flew is arguing against theism, and both Hare and Mitchell are arguing in favor of theism. This is an amazing essay because it was shown through this essay that even scientists use faith. We all have our “bliks.” Bliks is the word that Hare famously created for this essay. “We no longer believe in God as an Atlas—nous n’avons pas besoin de cette hypotheses. But it is nevertheless true to say that, as Hume saw, without a blik there can be no explanation; for it is by our bliks that we decide what is and what is not an explanation” (Hare P4). What a blik is meant to mean is a set of fundamental assumptions that fundamentally make explanations possible, and what Hare is stating in his response to Flew in this passage, is that we all have faith, because that is all our assumptions are, nothing but articles of faith. If you believe in God or not, we all have them, and they are these bliks that are necessary for avoiding the vertigo that McDowell was stating that we all want to avoid, and that is what the Platonic Forms and the Platonic Good is. It is a blik, which a set of fundamental assumptions that fundamentally make explanations possible, and this is something that both science and religion are guilty of in order to avoid this vertigo that McDowell is pointing out.

            In The Philosophy of Space and Time, by Hans Reichenbach, Reichenbach goes on to explain how Einstein made the assumption that the speed of light remains constant for all observers. Reichenbach explains in this book that it is impossible to prove that the speed of light remains constant for all observers. So, no matter what we are doing, if it is about science or virtue, we all need our bliks, and the reason science is mentioned is because McDowell writes in the intro: “It is then natural to think of ethics as a branch of philosophy related to moral theory, so conceived, rather as the philosophy of science is related to science” (McDowell P331). We use the same deductive principles when exploring the philosophy of ethics as we do when we explore the philosophy of science, and both faith and falsifiability are used in both science and virtue.

We need to measure the consequences of the outcome, and that is what falsifiability does, and we all need our assumptions in order to take this first step that allows us to avoid this vertigo and to make progress in humanity. This is what the Platonic Forms and the Good do for us if we are a person who is willing to believe in them. They give us stability. They allow us to avoid the vertigo, and it is what all religions do for the people who are willing to accept their beliefs on articles of faith, truly understand those beliefs, and practice the concepts that their faiths bring to them in every situation they are confronted with.

Faith is a useful tool that everybody uses. Without faith there would be no progress in whatever we do. There would be no way to move forward. It is the consequences of those assumptions that are meant to bare the fruit, so science and religion have three things in common: they both give a reason, they both give an explanation, and they both require faith; this is because both are about the measurements of the consequences, which is what falsifiability is all about, and the way the virtuous person is deemed as virtuous is none other than the consequences of their actions and the behavior they express themselves. This is how we take someone as a true peripatetic who expresses Phronimos, and it is only by performing virtuous actions, according to both Hursthouse and McDowell, that anyone is taken as virtuous; therefore, those virtuous actions are the consequences.

In the essay The Sovereignty of Good Over Other Concepts, by Iris Murdoch, Murdoch argues in favor of the Platonic Good. In fact, Murdoch argues in favor of all religions: “I think that the ordinary man, with the simple religious conceptions which make sense for him, has usually held a more just view of the matter than the voluntaristic philosopher, and a view incidentally which is in better accord with the finding of modern psychology. Religion normally emphasizes states of mind as well as actions, and regards states of mind as genetic background of action: pureness of heart, meekness of spirit. Religion provides devices for the needs, and can receive extra help. ‘Not I, but Christ.’ The real existence of such help is often used as an argument for the truth of religious doctrines” (Murdoch P83). In this quote Murdoch is arguing in favor of religions, and Murdoch is stating that the religious person, who understands their doctrine, has a better chance at being virtuous than even the philosopher who claims they are seeking virtue, for what their belief system demands of them in order for them to practice their faith is the pure heart and meek spirit, which is a requirement for all virtuous people. It is also saying that the religious person gets extra help in times of difficulty by relying on their creator: “Not I, but Christ” as the quote states. Being able to rely on a transcendental power allows people to be virtuous when some might think it is not possible, and this is why the average man of faith can express more virtue than the modern Neo-Kantian philosopher who is just pontificating.

Murdoch also makes the assumption in the beginning of this essay that there is no point to life; therefore, no God (Murdoch P79), but that does not keep him from stating that the people who have the beliefs in their God, existing or not, are still more virtuous than the Neo-Kantian Luscifer who only relies on ego and will alone (Murdoch P 80). Murdoch is making an appeal to the man of faith, and he admits that to try and argue in favor of their being a point to life is just as difficult as trying to argue no point to life, so he says he is just making the claim there is no point to life (Murdoch P79), and yet even with this claim that there is no point to life he shows in his essay that the person who has faith and a belief in some type of transcendent reality has a much better chance at expressing virtuous consequence than the man who relies on ego and will alone.

The person of faith is relying on something that may or may not exist, but yet that person gets all kinds of strength from that assumption or “blik:” “Not I, but Christ” (Murdoch P83), and one of the truly important observations that Murdoch points out in his essay is the selfishness and self-centeredness of mankind as a whole: “The human beings are naturally selfish seems true on the evidence, whenever and wherever we look at them, in spite of a very small number of apparent exceptions” (Murdoch P78). This is obvious to all that look at mankind, and it is this selfishness that all religions attempt to find a solution to. When both McDowell and Hursthouse were stating that human behavior is not codifiable when it comes to virtue, I do not think they were taking into account what the concept of prayer is meant to do for all those who are willing to say them on a daily basis and incorporate the meaning of those divine words into their life. To truly understand the words of prayer is where a solution for the selfishness of humanity can lie for those who seek it with a  pure heart.  Especially such a prayer as the Prayer of Saint Francis:

Lord make me a channel of thy peace,

Where there is hatred, I may bring love

Where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness

That where there is discord, I may bring harmony

That where there is error, I may bring truth

That where there is doubt, I may bring faith

That where there is despair, I may bring hope

That where there is shadow, I may bring light

That where there is sadness, I may bring joy

Lord grant that I may rather seek to comfort, than to be comforted

To understand, than to be understood

To love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen

It is a prayer such as this that is the solution to that selfishness that Murdoch was stating is woven throughout all human behavior. Prayers such as this is a codifiable solution to the virtues that the noble seek. It is this prayer that I turn to whenever I am in doubt of what it is I should do, and those noble few that Murdoch mentioned that are throughout history all that we admire practice these types of principles; therefore, prayer in its essence is a codification of behavior. For this prayer shows us all that the solution to selfishness of human life is “by self-forgetting one finds,” and that is the selfishness that Murdoch was stating was the problem of humanity that is so obvious to all.

The main point of the Prayer of Saint Francis is what Murdoch states: “Here too we can see that love should be inseparable from justice, and clear vision from respect for the real” (Murdoch P91). This is what this prayer is claiming. That love and justice go hand in hand, and that true happiness and true virtue are about having a clear mind that seeks what love is. I published my first book A Viscious Cycle, and in that book I defined love as wanting the best for someone and taking the necessary steps to carry that out, and the true virtuous person takes that into consideration in each one of their actions. This is what Murdoch meant when he said “Not I, but Christ” (Murdoch P 83), for it is this prayer that completely reflects the concepts of the Law of Love that are held in Matthew, and it is the principles that are held in Matthew that Jesus clearly states are meant to be practiced in every situation throughout our lives, and these concepts draw a clear contrast to the Neo-Kantian Luscifer that Murdoch has such a problem with. For: “Kant abolished God and made man God in His stead” (Murdoch P80).

Now Murdoch was arguing in favor of the Platonic Good, which is of a feel of a Neoplatonic solution, and it is also when we take ourselves as this man God that Plotinus saw all our problems arise. Leon Robin in the book Greek Thought and the Origins of the Scientific Spirit writes how Plotinus, the founder of the Neoplatonic following stated: “After rising from the Ego to the One, I now find the Ego once more, and in that Ego the Infinite One if I wish, but if I turn from It to determine my own domain, and give myself the illusion of independence, then I become only a part isolated from the Whole and am truly reduced to slavery” (Robin P373). This quote is stating the same problem Murdoch has with the Neo-Kantian Luscifer. What this quote is saying is that when we look within ourselves, we go from ourselves to God. In ourselves we find God and are one with God. It is also this being one with God that is the same concept that Murdoch was stating “Not I but Christ” (Murdoch P83); which give us all kinds of strength to go forward in our world committing virtuous actions, which are the consequences we are judged by, so it is found in lots of different religious systems. But it is when we try to rely on our will alone, taking ourselves as some powerful ego driven man God, thinking we are separate from the Platonic One, or any other concept of God, that all our problems arise, and we are reduced to “slavery;” this is what happens with the Neo-Kantian Luscifer that Murdoch was saying was not half as virtuous as the person who is willing to believe in their religious faith. Relying on our will alone and taking ourselves as greater than we actually are keeps us from practicing humility and such concepts as the unconditional love that is reflected throughout the Prayer of Saint Francis, Matthew, Plotinus, Plato, and other mystic systems of belief.

When Murdoch writes about finding true morality in the Platonic Good he states: “One might say that true morality is a sort of unesoteric mysticism, having its source in an austere and unconsoled love of the Good” (Murdoch P92). What this is stating is that a person has to have a love of the Platonic Good, or God, in order to shape their actions, and this goes very well with Plotinus and the Neoplatonist concept of what one is to do and how one is to shape their lives in order to become more virtuous, for Murdoch is using the Platonic Good. In the Enneads Plotinus writes: “For it is to the Gods, not to the good that our likeness must look: to model ourselves upon good men is to produce an image of an image: we have to fix our gaze above the image and attain Likeness to the Supreme Exemplar” (Plotinus P637). What this is saying is we do not want to model ourselves after other people because people in themselves are flawed. People according to Plato are just an image of the Platonic form that each person is based upon; each Platonic form is just an image in itself, and that is what Plotinus means when he says, “an image of an image.” What we want to model ourselves on, in order to become better people, is the perfection! We strive for the perfection in order to become better people because perfection is beyond the concepts of the empirical world; therefore, no matter how great we have become, we always are able to improve upon ourselves. We want to become as close to the “Supreme Exemplar,” or God, as we can.

Like Murdoch said those few in history that were amazing examples of what we should be. People like Thoreau, Gandhi, and King in the more modern times, and those people did nothing put strive for the perfect ideals of God themselves! Those people were all about being the best possible person they could be, and they left their mark on history. We all look up to them as virtuous persons. They did not model themselves after the flawed individuals that we all are. They modeled themselves after the perfection of Christ, and Christ himself claimed to be a God walking on this earth to straighten out and give guidance to mankind as a whole.

If someone is wanting this same message that Plotinus is writing in the Enneads, they do not need to go back as far as Ancient History. The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous captures the same concept as what Plotinus states in the quote above. Just like Plotinus the Twelve Steps of any recovery program relies on people being more virtuous through a dependance on God, and it tells the alcoholics that come to the program that “selfishness – self-centeredness! That we think is the root of our problems” (AA P62), and it tells these people that in order to overcome their alcoholism they need to rely on a Higher Power of their choice. It can be any Higher Power, but it is the same concept that Plotinus has of “Ego to the One.” They are told they cannot do it on their own, and their solution to their alcoholism is that they need to become more virtuous.

Step Six of the Twelve Steps states: “were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of Character” (AA P148). Step Six and Step Seven of any Twelve Step program is all about becoming a more virtuous person, and every person who enters a Twelve Step program of any kind is using a Higher Power in order to become more virtuous just as Plotinus states.  

The problem with alcoholics, love addicts, food addicts, or any other addicted person, is that they struggle with their quality of character, and all of them rely on a Higher Power in order to do this, for it states: “we shall need to raise our eyes towards perfection, and be ready to walk in that direction.” (AA P162). This quote is saying the same thing as the quote from Plotinus in the Enneads! It is the same concepts. In order to become more virtuous, and to always make progress in our lives, or “attain Likeness to the Supreme Exemplar” (Plotinus P637), we do our best to model ourselves after God, “Not I, but Christ” like Murdoch stated. What is it that Christ would do? What is it that the Buddha would do? What is it that Mohammad would do? What is it that Krishna would do? Or even the Higher Power that the individual gets to pick for themselves in any type of recovery situation, what would their Higher Power do?

Any alcoholic, or anyone struggling with any selfish addiction, has led a very troubled life. They have done all kinds of terrible things in order to satisfy their selfishness of the drink or the drug, and it lays out clearly in the literature of the these programs that in order to stay sober they need to become more virtuous and overcome their defects of character. Hardly any of these people are philosophers in any way. They are basic people who have led a troubled life and they rely on God, not their ego to become more virtuous. Some of these people are recovering criminals who completely turn their lives around, who would not even be able to comprehend such philosophical writing as Kant, but they are able to demonstrate virtues that surpass the Neo-Kantian philosopher, and it is all because they rely on a Transcendental Higher Power to give the direction and virtues they need in order to turn their lives around and succeed, and it is nothing but a God of their own understanding!

Any religion tells us and tells the people who practice it the code of conduct that they need in order to become more virtuous! We need to strive to be perfect because we are nothing but an “image of an image” (Plotinus P637), and as long as the soul is attached to the body, there is progress for all of us to make. It is us that makes the errors. The errors are not in any prayer such as The Prayer of Saint Francis, and Murdoch was clearly stating that the average person who practices their religious beliefs with true devotion and fervor would be much more virtuous than the arrogant Neo-Kantian who relies on ego alone. But what about all the misuse of religion?

Murdoch clearly address the misuse of religion and how lot of people do not practice it correctly when he states: “Of course prayer and sacraments may be ‘misused’ by the believer as mere instruments of consolation” (Murdoch P83). People do all kinds of terrible things in the name of God and use God to justify it. When Osama Bin Laden formed al Qaeda, he was claiming to be a prophet. He claimed he was doing God’s work. He claimed he was practicing the Koran.

In the Book Helter Skelter, The True Story of the Manson Murders, Charles Manson claimed to be a reincarnation of Jesus Christ. In this book Manson was able to preach the love of God to his followers so he could control their minds and get them to kill people for him. It was all about the Love of Christ that he preached to them, and he got them to kill people for him. It was amazing how he was able to control their minds this way, but he used both the word of God, sex, and drugs in order to control their minds. So, people can use God, just like Murdoch writes, to do terrible things, which we see all throughout history time and again.

When people do terrible things in the name of their God it gets lots of others to say how terrible all religions are. It gets people to reject all qualities of faith, and can make lots of people dubious that religion can do any good whatsoever. We have all heard of someone in the modern day who has grown up in a fundamentalist household who rejects all kinds of religion for this very purpose. So, why should anyone try to use God or any religious system whatsoever to be more virtuous if they see the harm that is can cause in someone’s life?

How are we to justify those using God for good and virtue and those using God to perpetuate evil? For me, the answer is in such scripture as The Bhagavad Gita. It says in the Gita, Chapter IV, Verse 36 “Even if you be the most sinful of all sinners, you will cross over all sins on the boat of knowledge alone” (Adidevananda P185). This tells us that if we have a problem with virtue, or are doing terrible things, it is ignorance that is our problem. We need the right understanding of the scriptures, and ignorance is the greatest evil for this reason. It is the “boat of knowledge” that is required for us to overcome all our sins and become more virtuous people. So, it is not their problem with God, but their understanding of God and their spiritual text that leads to their sins, and the plus about all religions is they are meant for the average person. They do not need to be a philosopher in order to be virtuous; as Murdoch states the average person full of faith is much more virtuous than the Neo-Kantian philosopher who relies only on ego.

But is there a God? Why should anyone practice any type of spiritual belief system when trying to prove God exists is just as impossible as trying to disprove God? And what does it get any of us if we spend our whole life believing in God, if in the end there is nothing? The answer to this is what Murdoch clearly states. He wrote in his essay that he makes the assumption that there is no God, but yet he argues in favor of the average person’s spiritual beliefs, and no matter what our belief system we all have our “bliks!” Be it science or religion, faith is that necessary component to life that McDowell clearly states is necessary to avoid the vertigo that we are all confronted with. Whether God exists or not, it truly should not matter as long as the faith we use is not cluttered with ignorance, and the faith we use allows us to become more virtuous.

So, it is up to us to decide which article of faith we use. Is there a God? Does this life mean anything? Well to live a life with no meaning will allow even more terrible things to be done by every person. To live a life with meaning and direction, allows anyone who is willing to believe to become more virtuous, and they do not need to be a scholar either. They can be the average person. It is clearly depressing for lots of people to go through life with no purpose or direction and that is what the faith of God gives to all believers who are willing to believe, and this is why it is tied so close to virtue. This is why all religions help us overcome our sins or character defects and get us to have a desire to be more virtuous.

The true answer, whether there is or is not a God, is only supplied in death like the Ancient philosopher Parmenides said, “Everybody runs away from death; therefore, they run away from the truth” (Coxon P98). All our answers to this life, and if it means anything, is only answered when each one of us dies. If we die and we exist, we know there is a reason and purpose to life. If we die and we do not exist, that is also our answer. But it is only in death that the true answers to life get revealed. Until we die we are dependent on our “bliks” to avoid that vertigo that McDowell states is necessary, and if becoming a more virtuous person is our desire, then why not take a chance on God and such codifiable instructions as The Prayer of Saint Francis in order to live a more virtuous life, which even McDowell implies should be every person’s desire? If there is no God, it does not matter if we believe in him or not. It only matters if there is a God and we do or do not believe, so one should use their bliks, avoid the vertigo, and become a more virtuous person who relies on a Transcendental Platonic Good, or any other Higher Power, in order to become more virtuous which is a desire deep within every human mind.

Work Cited

https://www.biography.com/crime-figure/osama-bin-laden , Biography, Osama Bin Laden, @ Jun 12th 2020

  1. H. Coxon, The Fragments of Parmenides, Las Vegas, @ 2009 Parmenides Publishing

Sri Ramanuja Translated by Svami Adidevananda, Gita Bhasya, @ Sri Ramakrishna Press

Alcoholics Anonymous, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, @1952, 1953, 1981,

Printed in the united states of America

            Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous Third Edition, @ Alcoholics Anonymous World Service 1979,

Iris Murdoch, The Sovereignty of Good Over Other Concepts, @1970 SFSU,

Rosalind Hursthouse, What Does the Aristotelian Phronimos know?, SFSU

A. Flew, R. M. Hare, and B. Mitchell, Theology and Falsification, A Symposium, @ Oxford University Press 1971,

Leon Robin, Greek Thought and the Origins of the Scientific Spirit, @ 2013 2 Park Square, Milton Park, New York,

Vincent Bugliosi, Helter Skelter The True Story of the Manson Murders, @1974 New York, London,

John McDowell, Virtue and Reason, @ 2017 University College Oxford,

Plotinus, Translated by Stephen McKenna, The Enneads, @ 1991 John Dillon Penguin Books,

McTaggart is Fooled Over Semantics

McTaggart is Fooled Over Semantics

In The Unreality of Time John McTaggart Elis McTaggart tries to argue that time is unreal because essence of time relies on the distinction between past, present and future. He calls a series of time of past, present and future and A Series.  McTaggart argues that if a moment in time is past, present and future all at once, then time is unreal because that violates the Law of Contradiction. McTaggart’s whole paper rests on the relativity of language. McTaggart’s mistake is he confuses the semantics of the English language with reality. He believes because he can play a word game and show that he can make it so he represents a moment in time as having characteristics of past, present and future all at once, that time is unreal. The only thing McTaggart’s paper really proves is that language, with all its ambiguity, is insufficient for portraying an exact definition of the reality of time.

McTaggart tries to show that time is unreal through the relativity of language by writing, “Since our language has verb-forms for the past, present and future, but no form that is common to all three” (McTaggart P57). McTaggart is trying to lay the foundation for his argument, but as anyone can see he is using the semantics of the English Language as the foundation for his argument. His whole concept is based on verb forms, and how no one verb form will be able to give someone all three aspects of past, present and future at once.

McTaggart shows that there is no contradiction in the fact that in order to get an A series of time of past, present and future, we have to assume time is real. McTaggart argues that in order to get time to be real we have to assume an A series. The problem he has is that it is a cycle of assumptions. He says that in order to get time we have to assume an A series, but in order to assume an A series we have to assume time, and he shows this through the verb forms.

Dr. Carlos Montemayor writes about language relativity and the how it impacts the perception we have of space and time in Early and Late Time Perception: on a Narrow Scope of the Whorfian Hypothesis. Montemayor explains how language relativity has an influence on our perception of time in late stages of cognition, and it is through the late stages of cognition that McTaggart tries to show the unreality of time, but all McTaggart is doing is fooling himself over semantics using late stages of cognition with linguistic relativity.

Montemayor writes about how Benjamin Lee Whorf came up with “Linguistic Relativity” through the discovery of the Hopi language, and how the Hopi people have no references to time in their language. Montemayor writes how this allows Whorf to come up with the hypothesis of Linguistic Relativity which speculates that language dictates how we think, and even how we perceive the nature of time. This goes even deeper into the nature of spacetime according to Whorf. Montemayor writes how Whorf claimed that there is a strong relationship to language and how humanity perceives reality.

Montemayor argues that the influence of language on reality is only on long term cognition, such things as thinking back and describing aspects of our days through memory. The specious present wouldn’t be anything that would be affected by Linguistic Relativity according to Montemayor. It is the late stages of cognition which are affected. Montemayor writes how “Linguistic Relativity predicts language modulation at the levels of cognition and perception” (Montemayor P2). This is what is happening with McTaggart’s argument. Montemayor writes how it is through language that human thought is displayed, and the display of that thought is our reality. Montemayor explains how linguistic relativity is a widely held view in anthropology, psychology and linguistics.

Montemayor goes on to explain how the claim of the Whorfian Hypothesis has a lot of support because of the way we use tenses of “past, present and future” (Montemayor P4). So, even Montemayor goes on to use the exact terminology that McTaggart’s whole theory rests on. Montemayor is showing the language modulation and reality connection. The problem I have is the term reality when it comes to McTaggart, for all language is truly showing in the individual’s perception. What is truly happening with McTaggart is “Language modulates semantic content in time cognition, such as the categorization of events” (Montemayor P4). This is what McTaggart is doing when he tries to show the unreality of time. He uses verb tenses to show that every moment has the aspects of past, present and future by showing how a moment is future, then it is present and will be past. If there is another moment that is past it was both present and future at other times. McTaggart is showing through language that every moment has aspects of all three, and to get an A series you have to both assume time and assume the A series itself; therefore, there is a contradiction; therefore unreal, but all that McTaggart is truly doing is using language modulation in a strong and absolute sense of linguistic relativity in order to give a different perception of reality! All McTaggart is doing is confusing semantics, and the perceptions that we get out of it, with reality.

There are lots of things that prove the existence of time. The fact that we do not completely understand time, or might not be able to completely explain time in language, does not mean that time is unreal. The only thing that truly means is that language is inefficient for giving an exact definition of reality, and the fact that the proof of time shows up in more living creatures than just humans. Montemayor explains in Minding Time: A Philosophical and Theoretical Approach to the psychology of Time, that “spatiotemporal coordinates are essential for the sensory-motor system to make sense of the features it registers” (Montemayor P6). All living creatures are dependent on a concept of time. Our motor and survival functions depend on a necessary connection with the circadian clock. This is showing that time is an innate aspect of any living creatures’ reality. Time is part of the innate aspect of who we all are as living creatures. We need time, and some type of understanding of it, if only a limited one, for survival.

Montemayor goes on to explain how the circadian clock is something that is innate within all living creatures. The circadian clock is something that is necessary for the survival of all living animals and we have been able to detect that animals have the capacity of registering time of occurrences, so they can get food to survive and even perform other tasks. It is an anticipatory behavior which has been shown to us in rats, birds and bees (Montemayor P42).

Montemayor goes on to explain how the way animals do this comes down to two different theories both based on the circadian clock. The first one has to do with repetition and anticipatory behavior. The insects and animals have phases that they would depend on which would be directly related to rhythm of the circadian clock. They have memories, and the circadian clock would be innately linked to those memories. The one thing animals do not have though is linguistic memories, yet time still exists in both them and us. The more frequent the occurrence of these events, the stronger the association of the timing will be (Montemayor P42).

The other theory which Montemayor gives is a “semi-hybrid clock.” (Montemayor P43). With the semi-hybrid clock, which is dependent on an “episodic like memory” (Montemayor P43). This is different than the phased based memory because with the episodic like memory a living creature stores all kinds of memory in with the timing, and they have access to that memory at any time. This allows them to do things like get their food, so they can survive.

The innate connection to these clock systems is something which shows that time exists and is an intrinsic feature within all of us. If we cannot explain it in words without a language that has a proper tense to represent all three phases of time, it does not mean time is unreal, it just means our understanding, and the use of language in itself, is inadequate for an exact understanding.

What the animals would be using when it comes to time modulation would be what Montemayor calls the early stages of processing. In these early stages Montemayor argues that language has no influence on time perception. This goes to the most basic and fundamental aspects of survival, and Montemayor is arguing that the Whorfian Hypothesis does not affect these early stages. The fact that we can find them in animals, shows that they exist, and that human reality, and the reality of linguistic relativity, is nothing but a perception, and perception is about probability and speculation, not necessarily reality, but a perception of reality.

In Chapter 3 of Montemayor’s book on Minding Time, Montemayor shows the representations that nonlinguistic animals take. In this chapter Montemayor shows that “belief-like representations that ground beliefs about duration in humans need not depend on linguistic capacities” (Montemayor P57). Montemayor is showing how the “minimalist approach,” proposed by J.L. Bermudez, states that there are concepts of time representation which are not dependent on language, so animals that do not have the capacity of language, still have a perception of time. They do not have the propositional thought. Their thinking is context bound (Montemayor P57). The animals take the representational outputs, which are tied to their sensory-motor system, and are able to emulate the system. They use this innate talent of time within them to calculate when things will happen. This is about feeding behavior, sun-compass navigation, and other aspects which are necessary for survival. It is an innate feature they have, and they do not have a language capacity.

Montemayor goes on to explain how the circadian clock is found in mammals. This shows again that time is an aspect of nature which truly exists. Montemayor explains how one of the greatest achievements of biology was the finding of the suprachiasmatic nucleus. In the suprachiasmatic nucleus Carl Richter showed that the “hypothalamus of rats emulate rhythmic behaviors” (Montemayor P40). The hypothalamus is a part of the brain which is necessary for survival, and in this the suprachiasmatic nucleus is in sync with the circadian clock, so the circadian clock is an innate aspect of the biology of living organisms with a nervous system. This “regulates neurological functions” (Montemayor P40) in all animals, so time, and the circadian clock, are built within all life that has a nervous system. Montemayor goes on to explain how the circadian clock is even found in bacteria and fungi which have no nervous system. These are living creatures which do not even have thought, let alone linguistic thought!

Montemayor goes on to explain in Minding Time that there are other forms of clocks besides the circadian clock that is innate with life as well. The interval clock is a clock that is a “one-time” process. There are no rhythms or repetitious cycles to it. This is like a sand clock (Montemayor P19). It is a one-time measurement that tells when the task is up. This measurement is something which functions off of dopamine according to Montemayor. The interval clock is an accumulation process.

The stopwatch is a type of interval clock, and with the stopwatch, “it is a biological interval clock, neurologically instantiated in the brain” (Montemayor P46). The stopwatch is used on the short scale of timing from second to minutes. Montemayor writes how there still is not exact agreement on where the stopwatch is located in the brain. Montemayor tells how it could be located in a dense form of neurons, instead of just one area like the hypothalamus. Montemayor argues how the stopwatch has a deep significance and relation to attention. This is why it is about dopamine. It requires that the organism has a focus on a specific task. The stopwatch is required for attention to detail, which Montemayor points out would have evolved later than the circadian clock. The stopwatch requires a dense nervous system and is an aspect of the living organism with it. Timing and attention to detail is something that even McTaggart would rely on when writing his thesis.

It is the linguistic of thought that time perception is influenced. Montemayor is arguing for a limited influence of language on time perception to the late stages of processing. These late stages of processing are what McTaggart was doing when he wrote The Unreality of Time. McTaggart was thinking and writing an essay to prove time was unreal all through late stages of processing in linguistics. This is why he was able to come up with a theory that completely denies the reality of time, yet he was relying on attention to detail and his ability to focus, which is heavily related to the nature of time itself.

McTaggart takes his perception, based on linguistic relativity, and applies it to everything! This shows nothing but an error of judgement because all he is pointing out is verb tenses, and it is the verb tenses that his whole theory rests on, which is not that strong of a foundation.

The problem with language is ambiguity, which is a fundamental part of each one of them. Especially English! The same word can have different meanings depending on which sentence it is used in. This is only a matter of semantics. What people say, and what other people interpret can always be different things as well. A good communicator will be able to give the best description of reality in a way that gets others to believe and see things the way they do. But when it comes down to language, it has uncertainty within it because we are all trying to give our best description of that which is truly beyond words: The Empirical World! Someone’s own language that they use is nothing but their own understanding of reality which is limited in its scope no matter who they are. We are all subjective beings, and we use language in a subjective way to give the best description of the universals, but the exact definitions of the universals are beyond the capacity of language.

To take the Whorfian Hypothesis and say that the mind is based in language has a lot of truth, but to say that those discerptions that we give to reality from language is not true because we can put them in the right syntax and semantical structure is erroneous. The mind in its very essence is nothing but a hermeneutic. It is a principle of interpretation, to confuse the conclusion that the mind comes to, through syntax and semantics, with reality, is giving too much power to language. Montemayor writes how “Language is, by definition, a non-encapsulated system in the sense that it manipulates highly integrated information, susceptible to all forms of conceptual influences” (Montemayor P12). This is exactly what McTaggart is doing. He is manipulating information through language to come up with his own reality. In his reality time is unreal. This is nothing but a manipulation of information in late stages of cognition. There are no early forms of cognition in McTaggart’s paper. It is all about thinking backwards and coming up with a linguistic interpretation of reality.

Montemayor argues how the encapsulation of time becomes less accurate through complex cognition at later stages (Montemayor P29), and it is in complex cognition and linguistic relativity that McTaggart is tricking himself. It is language which sets humans apart from other species I agree, but those other species share other characteristics with us that Montemayor points out.  All life has something which is necessary for the survival of everything. Montemayor shows how the circadian clock is built into all life, and that an understanding of time is necessary for survival of all living creatures in order to perform tasks and stay alive. The circadian clock is built into all life, from complex to simple forms: bacteria to humans. Living creatures with dense nervous systems are able to perform tasks with high levels of detail that are based on the stopwatch and the dopamine in the brain. Montemayor shows how an innate relation to time is a necessary aspect of survival for all life. If time was unreal there should not be that much of a dependency on it. To say time is unreal because we can use language only reaffirms our limits, and the limits of language. If the circadian clock and the interval clock is something we can find in both humans and animals, and if the only thing which sets us apart is language, then how are we to deny time based on verb tenses alone? This is why I find McTaggart’s theory to be based in error. McTaggart is fooling himself on syntax and semantics using a strong sense of linguistic relativity.

Work Cited

Carlos Montemayor, Early and Late Time Perception, On a Narrow Scope of the Whorfian Hypothesis, @2013

Carlos Montemayor, Minding Time: A Philosophical and Theoretical Approach to the Psychology of Time, Leiden Boston @2013

John McTaggart Ellis McTaggart, The Unreality of Time

            @1908

Plato Vs Pindar

An ode to a common man,

whose cipher left in ancient sand,

which fade from a scholar’s mind,

for flagrant is such Cronus’ Time.

This God of Time cripples all,

while fire will so gently fall,

as it sparks the weeping dirge,

just robbing hope to sadly purge.

Throw each God and Hero ‘side,

the basic ones have never died,

so soft his hymns gently state,

no arguer for this needed fate.

To sculpt such words upon stone,

each average soul has timeless throne,

for the sins of vivid gold,

in bludgeoned coin will future hold.

With zeal of an artful talk,

yet sadly will the scholar mock,

looks down on the folly man,

whose finding love in empty sand.

State needs of a manly lore,

each teacher I have yearning for,

yet when song and scholar fight,

the poet’ one is always right.

This is a Chapter of The Shadowed Soul, by justin j. witte, and it can be purchased on Amazon at this link

OVERCOMING PTSD AND ANXIETY/ Thoughts Aren’t Facts, They Are Just Imagination

        

Buy the whole book The Shadowed Soul with a chapter on how I’ve overcome ADHD, Dyslexia, Suicidal Depression, PSTD and Anxiety, Schizophrenia and Bipolar, Epilepsy and Autism, Brain Damage and Digital Dementia and the Retardation of Thoughts in the link below:

Here’s a link of of me explaining anxiety and depression on Self Reflection Podcast

CHAPTER 6:

OVERCOMING PTSD AND ANXIETY: THOUGHTS AREN’T FACTS, THEY ARE JUST IMAGINATION

           There is a saying in recovery circles of all kinds that “feelings aren’t facts.” Well, they aren’t, but that is not how I would approach the urges that control my actions. To me it is the thoughts that are not facts. Thoughts by their very nature are meant to interpret a limited empirical reality (Maya). As a rational animal, humans are blessed with a higher level of cognition. The problem is most people take what they think and perceive as facts, when, just like animals, all anyone’s thoughts are, are nothing but imagination.

           What all life desires to survive in this empirical world (Maya) is some level of certainty. This desire for certainty was instilled in us through Mother Nature with the tool of fear. The instinct of fear is to let us know when we are in trouble. The problem is, is that in this Maya (empirical world) there is nothing but uncertainty. Look at the news. There are people going to the mall and getting killed in America by gun violence all the time. Insane and disturbed individuals are just shooting up innocent people in random acts of violence in the United States of America. This gun violence is even happening to children in schools. Gun violence is now the number one cause of deaths of children in America, and because it happens so frequently, these acts of slaughtering children, are no longer the only news story for any particular night! It is disgusting how common it happens! Sudden death by a random gun shooter could happen to anyone in America from just deciding to go to a public place to have a good time or, like I do to, study; therefore, none of us truly knows what is going to happen next: be it either good or bad!

Having this craving for certainty in an uncertain world is clearly where fear and anxiety come from within anyone’s psyche. Lots of people suffer from anxiety and panic attacks because of traumatic experiences they have had in their life. These traumatic events bring about a chemical imbalance in their brains. It is important to note that physical experiences people have alter the chemicals in their brains and cause such things as PTSD, anxiety, and depression. In fact, all mental illness is proven to be caused by two things beyond someone’s control: genetics and circumstances, especially in early life, but if you have a problem with anxiety, or even PTSD, like I did, try exploring Eastern Meditation. You can get over by panic attacks without chemical treatments: medications. Lots of medications do not work for people too, just like most medications did not for me. If a medication works, then use it. I have used both meditation and medication together for years. I am still on my epilepsy medications and my antipsychotics. I will most likely never get off those medications completely. This book is all in favor of science, but meditation is what worked best for me over long periods of time when it came to my anxiety. This chapter is how I got over my panic attacks and off anxiety medications. Anxiety medications are also known to be some of the most addictive medications there are when it comes to the benzodiazepines. I don’t recommend those medications to use for anyone for any other reason then emergency use.  

First, we all need to have a good understanding what truly controls us, which I pointed out in my equation of thinking and human behavior in The Power of Inaction: ((T>B)>F)>A, or I consciously put my thinking before my neurological brain states in single pointed concentration meditation (Trataka), then the brain state leads to the feels, and it is how we all feel about what we think that controls our actions. I will continue to stress that without meditation this is not possible to be completely aware of everything you are thinking either. We need to be able to consciously put our thoughts before our brain states, because I agree with Freud and the Vedas: we are rational animals that seek pleasure and avoid pain, and we don’t pay attention to 90% of what we think. In order to look at the other 90% of our thinking, we need a daily practice of meditation, which is why I do Trataka for forty-five minutes each day without exception!

           As I showed you in The Power of Inaction and Pseudo-Law and Pseudo-Morals, the power of choice is more of a necessary illusion for all of us to live by, but if you truly want to see what controls you, sit in silence and try and keep your mind focused on the only thought (T) you truly know: “I am.” Try to not let any other thought in your mind rise, and when they do just empty them out with the words: “who cares?”. It will show you how truly powerless you are because when you first start this daily mental exercise, your mind will constantly go all over the place. You will realize in a short amount of time how little control you truly have. Especially if you have attention issues like ADHD and autism like I do.

What most people take as free will is the accepted premise that we all need to be held accountable for our actions. It is impossible to hold people accountable for their actions if we don’t live by the power of choice. Holding ourselves accountable is the only way we can be shaped by our consequences to be the best possible person we can be. It gets us to respond to the pain we go through in our daily circumstances much better. Without being held responsible everything in our lives falls apart. The only thing the concept of “choice” really applies to is our egos. If there is some type of “choice,” it would be for each of us to see our thoughts (T) clearly and disregard them if they cause us or another harm (~T). We need to be able to disregard the bad thoughts (~T) because it is how we feel (F) about what we think (T) that controls our actions: ((T>B)>F)>A. We all have bad thoughts all the time. Just realize that no one does anything except what they think is the best option at that very moment whatever it may be. This is why everything is determined. So, we all have the same two problems: ignorance and understanding. We all think we are much more powerful than we truly are, and the amazing thing is, the only true freedom I have ever gotten from my fears is to acknowledge that “choice” is nothing but a necessary illusion to live by, and that no matter what, in the end, everything is just the way it is supposed to be because this Maya (empirical world) is nothing but my perfect teacher. The purpose of all life is to learn. In the end I am fine either way if my point and purpose in this life is to learn and be a better person. Learning throughout my life is what has given me purpose and makes every struggle I go through and overcome worthwhile. That is the Law of Karma: to learn through our consequences by responding to our pleasure and pain appropriately acknowledging the paradox of free will and determinism.

           In silent meditation all my thoughts were shown to me. Everything that controlled me was shown to me. Today I am always aware of what I am thinking. I realized when I first started to meditate that all my thoughts were fear based. Once I had the awareness that it was only fear that I was living out of, I was able to ask myself: do I want to live out of fear, or do I want to live out of love? The answer with a sound mind is always love. The problem is we can all lack clarity in the moment, especially someone like me, who had been neurologically tested to have zero impulse control.

Ignorance is the only true evil from what I have seen and what has been shown to me through the greatest philosophers in history such as Socrates, Pseudo-Dionysius, and Nisargadatta Maharaj. It is why pride is the greatest of all sins. Pride tells me I am right when I am just ignorant and I truly do not understand. To get the right answers to life, and to live in peace, we need to admit when we do not know. That is hard for anyone. Pride is what causes all the conflict, difficulty, and chaos between us. Even after I admitted “I do not know,” I still find myself loving to argue with anyone about my points of view and what I perceive to be right. That is why acknowledging my hypocrisy has been the greatest tool. We are all constant hypocrites because we all have so much in common. All of humanity is just a reflection of each other.

           I was someone who had extreme panic attacks at one time. When I first got sober, because of all the drugs I did, the seizures, and my traumatic life experiences, what would happen was from out of nowhere my pulse would start thumping, my hands and body would be shaking and sweating, and my face would go completely electrically numb! I did not know why, but I felt, for some unknown reason, the world was coming to an end!

I have dealt with the aspects of almost every mental illness there is with my organic brain disorder, but nothing! absolutely nothing! was worse than a panic attack! I would be calling 911 every single time when I first started having them! Most of the medications they gave me for them did absolutely nothing too! My tolerances to benzothiazines was too high. They did nothing for me, and if anyone can get over their anxiety without Benzodiazepines, I would recommend it. One of the times I tried to kill myself I swallowed 30 Klonopin and it didn’t even affect me. I knew that if someone takes enough of any benzos, they can stop breathing, and I thought it would be a peaceful way to go, but I didn’t even feel it! So, they did nothing for my anxiety! And I had lots of that!

Valium, Ativan, Klonopin, and Versed are some of the typical Benzodiazepines doctors use. Benzodiazepines are considered some of the most physically addictive and habit-forming medications there are. In my first book, A Vicious Cycle, is all about a girl who I was in a relationship with who scored all those kinds of drugs from doctors in emergency rooms. Doctors all think they are doing the right thing when they are prescribing them to someone too, but they cause all kinds of addiction issues. That girl in A Vicious Cycle was on a federal list where, if you typed her name into their computer, it would tell them not to give her any drugs, and I still saw doctors give her those drugs! Those drugs are extremely habit forming.

Trying to focus my thoughts for forty-five minutes every day has also shown me how to always be aware of what I am thinking. To be able to look at my whole mind any time I want to is an amazing gift. Meditation is what got me off the medications they gave me for anxiety. The ones that worked for my anxiety were blood pressure medications like Propranolol and Clonidine. I have seen them work for lots of other people too. They do not give a euphoric high that any Benzodiazepine does and are nonaddictive. I would recommend those blood pressure medications for any doctor to prescribe, way before they try any Benzodiazepine.

When I first started having panic attacks, I was completely oblivious to what I was thinking. I have noticed sitting in silence how ridiculous lots of my thoughts are, and how so much of it just needs to be neglected: (~T). Most of my thoughts are not important in any way. They were ridiculous and caused nothing but chaos.

Growing up in a very abusive alcoholic household with physical, sexual, and verbal abuse is what got a lot of my thinking on the wrong track. When I got to the age of thirteen, I snapped because the man I was terrified of had left. I spent my 14th birthday in a psych ward for a whole month. If I was awake in that psych-ward I was in tears. I had no ability to talk to anyone for a whole month. I was just crying. They discharged me without any recommendations, so no one knew what to do with me.

After the psych-ward, I got shipped to Discovery Academy, which was a detentionary boarding school. Discovery Academy is where my thinking became even more chaotic. My behavior was nothing but defiance and chaos for years because of my early childhood and then Discovery Academy magnified my Oppositional Defiance Disorder severely. I also ending up getting addicted to lots of different street drugs and alcohol once I left Discovery Academy. Those drugs made my seizures much, much worse, along with the messing up my brain chemistry even more.

Seizures will also make the chemicals in anyone’s brain go crazy on their own, and I was using lots of street drugs and alcohol. All of this messed up my brain a lot. With all of these uncontrollable circumstances, I still believe in the neuroplasticity of the human brain. This was shown to me with time and effort, that we can all improve our realities through daily mental exercises and work on controlling our brain states and disorders through controlling our thinking: (T>B). It takes a conscious effort to put your thinking before your brain states. By addressing the brain states (B) through thinking (T), I believe we can rewire neurons and neuropathways to feel (F) better, which will improve our actions: (A). This rationalization of feelings only happens through understanding and awareness. That is what silent meditation (Trataka) has done for me. Meditation gets anyone to focus and cultivate the greatest virtue: awareness. Nothing changes for the better without awareness. 

In the Rgveda it says:

“The true self itself is the pure consciousness. That which cannot be known in any way, and the same True Self Pure Consciousness, is not different from the Ultimate Principal Brahman. Brahman is the only Reality. Since it is untinged by difference, the mark of ignorance, and the One Thing that cannot be improved upon.”

At our core this what we all are. A Perfect Loving God Consciousness. This is something that anyone can get in touch with. This is what emptying the mind and only focusing on “I Am” can do for us all. It gets us in contact with what we truly are: Pure Loving God Consciousness. In Vedanta if you can see it, touch it, taste it, smell it, or hear it, it isn’t you! That is why I just disregard my imagination (~T) daily with the words “who cares?”.

           The God within me is the same as the God within you, and the same God Consciousness within us All. The Self in me is the Self in you and everyone and everything else. The only way for any of us to get in contact with this God Consciousness is to empty our minds completely and see our thoughts as nothing but imagination. When I empty my thoughts, I am neglecting them: (~T). So, it is not that feelings are not fact, it is that thoughts are not fact, and when you have the clarity that just because you think something traumatic, it doesn’t it need to control you for the rest of your life. Because what we are all thinking is nothing but imagination. We can move forward by letting go of the past and neglecting each thought that arises because “suffering is the price we pay for not letting go” as Nisargadatta Maharaj said.

When these feelings of anxiety rise now when I am at work, I just see them for what they were: nothing! I just say to myself “who cares?” and it is important to stress that I make a conscious gentle shift in my thinking by neglecting the ridiculous imagination (~T) and shifting my thoughts (T) to the productive work in front of me. I let go of the anxiety as soon as I feel the slightest amount of it and it vanishes! Today, I can refocus on whatever I want.

In the past, when I was having a panic attack, I was barely aware of what I was thinking! But one thought would trigger a different thought, and I found myself spinning out of control because I had no control to being with! All my panic attacks are gone today! I don’t even use anxiety medications anymore!

One of the most amazing things I realized in silent meditation is that my mind was always going to what I thought other people were thinking of me. Fear of people was by far my biggest problem. We all have this fear of people to some degree. I have proven this because I have never met anyone I could not make angry from what I said to them. It was something I always took as a gift, being able to feel superior to anyone in the moment, but it has been my biggest problem my whole life. To insult anyone in an extremely creative way was how I protected myself at Discovery Academy. That is what my first book: A Vicious Cycle, was about trying to overcome. I show in A Vicious Cycle how I could upset any stranger with what I said to them. Why would any care what I thought when they did not even know me in any way? We all care what other people think, and we have all done this to a point that is unhealthy in our lives. The fact that we all get this amazing sense of self on what we think others think of us and how we fit into the world around us is quite a ridiculous trait if you think about it in those terms. This false sense of self can be psychotic human behavior.

We all want to feel important. Lots of us get that sense of self-importance on how we compare to other people, and some of us take that fear of people to the point where it causes us delusions and anxiety. We all need to realize that none of us can even prove other people have minds let alone what they are thinking. This is something I prove in my chapter on schizophrenia later in this book, but the point is to let all anxious and trouble causing thoughts go: (~T) “who cares?”, or Vairagya (dispassion). Negate your thinking daily (~T) in single pointed concentration meditation: Trataka. Realize, your thoughts are only important if you say they are. Most of what we think are just repetitious conflicts that we have never let go of. Our thoughts are only important if our minds tell us they are, so practice letting each one go, no matter if it is or is not important, every single day in silent meditation. It is a mental exercise that you can use throughout your day when you perfect it! You will see everything that is important to you and that controls you if you just try to keep your mind focused on the only thing any of us can truly know: “I am.”

The best speaker I ever heard in a Twelve-Step meeting was a lady who had breast cancer. She just had a double mastectomy, and the one thing she said over and over, is “there are no big deals” which goes very well with “who cares?”. A wonderful song which has the same premise as “who cares?”, but says it in a much gentler way, is Let It Be by the Beatles. Sure, things are important, but there is nothing worth losing our serenity over. Just let all your worries go and shift your thinking. You can only do this if you train your brain daily through Trataka. Trataka is about having complete control over your mind.

           By sitting in silent meditation, I have gotten so much clarity and awareness. I have been able to sift through the chaos of my mind and get in touch with the Perfection within me. That Perfection is within us all. Sat-Chit-Ananda is Being-Consciousness-Bliss in Sanskrit, and that happiness is at all our core. We live in an empirical world of duality. So, with every joyful experience there is pain that can go with that, but the Ananda, or bliss, within is the One Happiness that has no opposite. This happiness can be experienced at any time, and that is who we all are at our core. If you want a God which is provable; that can give you peace, then look to the God of the Rgveda. That God is within us all, and with a daily practice of meditation you can get in contact with It. You will have all kinds of clarity by sitting in silence. Clarity like “you are perfect the way you are,” because God created you this way for a reason, and we are all just here to learn through the consequences of our Karma. Acknowledge the paradox that you are perfect the way you are, and there is always room for improvement. You will realize fear is just fear, and as I showed you fear is nothing but the urge to protect someone or something, so the root of fear is nothing but love. That love is the driving force of life within us all. It just gets misdirected through our misunderstanding. We can experience the Sat-Chit-Ananda within us, at any time of the day, having no need to panic in anyway, because we can be completely in control of the imagination our minds are made of.

read the rest at the link below: